When I write poetry I look up

Each word in the dictionary, as

If I were undressing a lover and

Forcing them to stand turning

Under harsh light, in order that

I might observe them from every

Possible angle before committing

To expression those desires which

Are beyond language.


Melancholy wears a serrated grin, she

Has no voice and yet against whatever

Surface her lips part there is always

A rending of wounds and blood

Inexplicable amounts of blood.

I am more surgeon than writer

Waist deep in offal, excising and

Stitching beneath my hands

No matter how misshapen, truth,

At least truth as only I can know her


Writing gives meaning to that which

I cannot comprehend, my mind as my

Heart unravels only with the application

Of touch as if each vowel, each consonant

Were a key to those memories which are

Too ambiguous to withstand nostalgia


I will never write poetry that momentum

Sweeps into the faces of angels, my words

Are not prophesies of doom or prosperity,

They will not permanently deepen the lines that

Accent features and they will not make of the heart

An instrument, these poems are my translations

Wicked fruit for the serpent who wants only

To be reincarnated a man. I am ugly, my words

Are ugly, but through their application I am

Inspired to live


(my memories even my general knowledge has gotten so scrambled from seizures that I find it difficult to access information but when I write its like a code that unlocks it all and suddenly I can use my brain again, when I am not writing I am kind of floating around in another world disconnected. I have some pretty significant social problems as well and writing helps me to better understand my relationships as well as more generally other people, its just how I process I have to do it manually for some reason lol Since I have to do it manually you can imagine how easily I get overwhelmed! I look up every word because every permutation is important as far as being able to get the most accurate translation possible.)