When I write poetry I look up
Each word in the dictionary, as
If I were undressing a lover and
Forcing them to stand turning
Under harsh light, in order that
I might observe them from every
Possible angle before committing
To expression those desires which
Are beyond language.
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Melancholy wears a serrated grin, she
Has no voice and yet against whatever
Surface her lips part there is always
A rending of wounds and blood
Inexplicable amounts of blood.
I am more surgeon than writer
Waist deep in offal, excising and
Stitching beneath my hands
No matter how misshapen, truth,
At least truth as only I can know her
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Writing gives meaning to that which
I cannot comprehend, my mind as my
Heart unravels only with the application
Of touch as if each vowel, each consonant
Were a key to those memories which are
Too ambiguous to withstand nostalgia
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I will never write poetry that momentum
Sweeps into the faces of angels, my words
Are not prophesies of doom or prosperity,
They will not permanently deepen the lines that
Accent features and they will not make of the heart
An instrument, these poems are my translations
Wicked fruit for the serpent who wants only
To be reincarnated a man. I am ugly, my words
Are ugly, but through their application I am
Inspired to live
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(my memories even my general knowledge has gotten so scrambled from seizures that I find it difficult to access information but when I write its like a code that unlocks it all and suddenly I can use my brain again, when I am not writing I am kind of floating around in another world disconnected. I have some pretty significant social problems as well and writing helps me to better understand my relationships as well as more generally other people, its just how I process I have to do it manually for some reason lol Since I have to do it manually you can imagine how easily I get overwhelmed! I look up every word because every permutation is important as far as being able to get the most accurate translation possible.)
mindlovemisery 