Depression is occlusion
The narrowing of aperture
A chrysalis constructed for
Permanent residence
=
Within such restricted perimeters
Growth becomes a source of pain and
Disfigurement, the body an abhorrent
Personification of confinement. This
Is the true source of Dysmorphia
Resentment
=
Depression is agoraphobia the
Conscientious application of
Margins and limitations, an evasion
Of expectancy and uncertainty.
It is the denial of responsibility
And consequence through the
Omission of conscious undertaking
=
Depression is not the imposition of society
On free will but the volitional surrender
Of alternative to justify avoidance of decisive
Action, it is a protracted automation devised
Not of self-hate but of fear, it is an intense aversion
To being observed. (Does not the mere act of
Discernment alter? Does the heart not betray
Vulnerability when handled or scrutinized?)
=
Depression is the abuse of logic
The need to define and understand
Especially that, which by its very
Nature, defies the perimeters of
Human language. Intelligence has
Become a form of slavery, of bigotry
Rather than the expansion of ideas
It has become the collapse and
Consolidation of preferences
And prejudices, a rationale
For the familiar, make shift
Tiles to avoid groundlessness
=
Depression is a form of perfectionism
It prohibits adaptation or deviance, it is
The desire for achievement without
The necessary expenditure, the desire
For a flawless victory by virtue of genius
The idealized savant who does not suffer the
Deviance of an accompanying disability
It is the desire for gain without loss, for
Life without death and the fatal resignation
To assume stasis until which time such a
State may be achieved. It is the acquisition
Of masks to disguise the volatility of
Human nature, a denial of expression
That excludes pleasure and pain in the
Same measured breath, it is the
Desire for control over that which
Is above manipulation. The threads
Which connect become the threads
Which entangle and eventually choke
=
Depression is trying too hard to
Be good, to be healthy to be normal,
To be anything other than what
One is in the present moment, it
Is a crippling toxicity, that
Comes from ingesting too much
Of what one already possesses. It
Is the failure to recognize beyond
The vice, beyond the appetite,
Beyond defense that which is inherent
It is a devaluation of self that excludes
The possibility of success and nullifies
Even effort, it is the preemptive evacuation
Of relationships, a continual smoothing of
Rough edges, until the nerves are exposed
=
Ever notice how we equate change
With capriciousness? With selfishness? With
A weakness of character and spirit?
Depression is not rejection by, it is retreat
From, it is a fear of expansion, a desiccation
Of the synovial resulting in a grinding
Rigidity, momentum becomes a source
Of pain, the arthritic wearing of an
Uncompromising architecture
=
Ever notice how abandonment means both freedom
And dereliction? As if an autonomous mind were by
Its very nature perverse. As if to exercise one’s
Authenticity guaranteed alienation. How clever
A language that we fear dissension and by
The mere label of democracy assume chains
As if submission were the true measure of one’s
Loyalty. We love those who validate rather
Than oppose our paradigms, we favor symmetry
Over honesty, status over evolution. What is love
If it does not invigorate? What is life if not
The path by which we find enlightenment?
Of what significance am I if “I” model
Myself after an unattainable “you”?
=
(I am still sick, I still have a headache but I wanted to do this for Mental Health Awareness Month. This is how I understand my own Depression or rather my destructive underlying psychology I don’t claim it as universal definition or anything. I think this probably comes as much from Buddhism as Psychology)
mindlovemisery 