Mine is an extrinsic amnesia

A taciturn retreat from the somatic

From those precipitous farewells

Which trespass against reason


Like the migration of stars

Grief passes slowly, resinous

It fastens the heart to the spinal

Column, the feet to the floor

Absence being the shadow

Of a ponderous inertia


I have stood in the hollows

Of insidious impressions

Defiant, negligible, my nerves

Snapping and recoiling like

Whips, soul split down the

Middle like an overripe peach

As incidental as the appendix

While others pass strait through

Unscathed, as if I were of no

Consequence unless inflamed


Mine is renunciation of theatrics

A surgical removal of those

Personas which exsangiunate the

Intrinsic. From those deceptions

Which through their acquisition

Prevent genuine reciprocation


Like the exodus of continents

Change is a gradual shift in

Perception, a gentle habituation

Of those stubborn neural pathways

Which experience so often dead ends


I have abided to miseries distortions

Cast my reflection into those mirrors

Which, being filthy, conform to my

Diminished sense of worth. I have

Abused myself through surrogate

The scars run just as deep no

Matter who holds the weapon of

Incision because the motive

Remains pathological, immutable


(being sick scrambles the brains have to wonder if I am making sense lol)





Sometimes love attaches itself to inconsequential

Moments, to dining cars and estoreric conversations

To strangers who are remarkable only in comparison

To a gutted landscape


She would have been beautiful under any light

Even the paroxysmal glare of fluorescence

Her eyes, as the barrel of gun, could without

Spoken threat, exact from my flesh any debt

Even those for which I was wholly unaccountable


She wore a treacherous halo of aurulent hair

Fashionably emaciated, and draped in voluminous

Bohemian fabrics, she was a disorienting

Kaleidoscope of angles and premature sunsets


Meanwhile I, resembled the 18th century better

Rendered in paint than photograph, attractive

Only as a curiosity like the long-lashed dolls

That haunt attics and cellars all over the world


My heart, inconsolable to the remoteness of her

Breath, unlocked at the application of skinny fingers,

As if skeleton keys. My hands, terminal birds, tangled

Delicate, tripped over imperceptible details in

The atmosphere. We inched closer until overlapping


In a railroad carriage, full of onlooking passengers

She unwrapped me tenderly, her mouth had the taste

Of honey, my throat the asynchronous pulse of desire

In that moment I would have followed her anywhere

Because in that moment, a child of gravity, I belonged

Only to the earth and she, a dryad, belonged only to me


When your young and in over your head

Eroticism is best conveyed through flirtation

Through the sultry feline art of intimation


(On a train ride I once met a young woman in a dining car, at the time I was only 17 and naturally nothing became of it other than flirtation but its a memory that stuck with me. I am sick as a dog right now so bare with me if I am slower and make less sense lol)

Prompt 1 Old Poetry


I thought it would be fun to have a Sunday poetry share where I got to pick the themes/concepts muhahaha The themes will be totally random. This isn’t a contest and you don’t need to link to my blog (you are free to but it isn’t necessary), I just thought it would be a fun experiment. Feel free to suggest themes as well.

For our first theme go back and find a poem that is at least a year old to share (if you have anything from adolescence or childhood that would fantastic though if you are anything like me you didn’t save anything), if you don’t have an old poem pick a writer that inspires your work and write a tribute poem or attempt a poem from the perspective of your younger self.



Dog, you had an airy disregard for authority

Built from altercation, you outweighed and

Overpowered me, you were merciless in your

Rivalries as in your administration of territorial

Boundaries, your spirit was not of the noble warrior

But of the blood-thirsty alpha. God knows we

Couldn’t take you anywhere without consequence


Your heart was like rotten fruit, but you

Would have forgiven me anything and

You loved me, far more than I will ever

Love myself. Far more perhaps than I

Could ever reciprocate, in your eyes as

In no others I was always good enough


Dog, you had a wicked sense of humor, you’d

Come up behind me when I was running

And head butt me so that I was literally

Catapulted into the air, so that defying

Gravity, I soared horizontally over the earth

With my legs folded, as if riding an invisible

Magic carpet, your pranks executed, always,

With a laughing grin and a few affable licks


One ear alert, the other benevolent and drooping

The perfect manifestation of your dichotomous

Nature. Out of respect for your dignity I won’t

Mention your fear of the veterinarian’s mutilated

Cats or your fear of thunder, which was so intense,

You jumped strait through a sliding glass door

But I will mention, how once, to assert your masculinity

You hauled the carcass of a full grown deer into the

Front yard and paraded it around like a trophy


I don’t like to remember you in old age, the

Crippling arthritis, the gangs of canines,

Who still afraid to take you on individually,

Came looking to claim your title in malicious

Packs. I don’t like to think of your humiliation

And your pain but sometimes if I remember you

Gentle, reflective, steadfast and unwilling

To surrender no matter the odds, I smile

Because I know that above all you lived


(I don’t usually write poems like this because I am terrible at it honestly but I came across a picture of Eli my German Shepard/Lab mix and I felt a little nostalgic. Eli was wonderful with people but a nightmare with other male dogs. I am also sick again for what seems like the 100th time this year. This picture is of Eli in later life he was probably 12 years here.)


dried flower

I miss your wooden heart

The hollow sound of your

Pulse falling like rain on

A pane of unwashed glass


I miss the fragile warmth of

Your prehensile grin wrapping

Around my spine for support

The way your veins, uprooted,

Thread mournfully into mine


I miss the patient surrender

Of your pendulant psyche

The impressions of your

Melancholy, fragrant and

One-dimensional like the

Flowers left to dry in the

Hollows of neglected words


Lulled into complacency

By sweeping gestures of affection

And anesthetizing promises I still

Can’t believe we were finite, tamed

By a grinding habituation of

Avoidance and deflection


Our love was never

Intended to be common

But erosion has created

Too much empty, unusable

Space between us


For now, my heart resolutely

Corrugated,  will continue

To dress in shadows as

If a widow or a thief



The prisms of your genius

Elucidate the nature of man

The rough, uncut quality

Of those vices which originate

In the intellect, of those vices

Which spread as oil on the

Surface of all the world’s oceans

Whenever you raise your arm

Your shirt slides up, to that groove

Just above the ego. If only your

Arrogance were less demanding


There is something almost obscene

About a language that bypasses

The heart, about a language

Composed exclusively of those

Suspicious ideographs sprouting

From the libido, sometimes

It feels as though we were playing

A game of charades with both

Hands tied behind the back,

Gesticulating wildly with our

Hips, all subtlety being both

Anachronistic and antagonistic


Your calculating lips slide up

And down as if an abacus,

I’ll never know the means

By which your disembodied

Morality determines value

I understand only my own

Inadequacies, the way I,

Filtered through metaphor

Lack a certain clarity of

Intent and execution that

Makes me hard to quantify


Your gaze is as level and direct as a

Scythe and no matter which angle I

Assume I am perceptually hooked into

Your trajectory. The way you pursue

Is uncompromisingly leonine and

In regards to sex your surprisingly

Corporeal, only reciprocal seismic

Surrender could satisfy your predation


I love your hazy smile, the way

It inclines slightly to the left

The way orgasm shifts your syntax

To a time that predates speech

That instant when your mind, eclipsed,

Reveals the spirit behind your eyes and

You, no longer a Sphinx, undress to

Your primordial essence



Your eyes are all nuance, like

The dawn detaching itself

Slowly from an obfuscating

Darkness. Every morning

Hovering over an over-sized

Mug of coffee, I study them

As if the demonic butterflies

Of a Rorschach test.


When you speak your hands

Dance, tenuous, throwing

Shadows on the walls, like

Angels captured mid fall.

I’ve tuned my ears, to the

Flutter of your pulse as it

Rises up into the  air, but

My eyes, they only see,

The vertical drop of your

Desperation, the way

Its calcified the flesh

On the underside of

Both wrists


There is something so

Endearing and so tragic

About the way you fade

In and out of existence

About those black and

White photographs which

Hold your smile suspended

Above all expectations


In my bed, cadaverously

Thin I roll you over again

And again folding you into

My heart as an origami flower

One morning loneliness will

Come thick and wet, suffused

With your scent but until then

Will make love instinctively,

Like migrating birds


(today finally inspiration)



In the beginning yours was a subtle imposition

A visible tightening of the atmosphere, as if

The air were laced with nylon, like a cello

I’d wait for you underneath a cleverly angled

Desperation, under the guise of a synthetic

Delay. My hands, always discordant, would

Tremble under the gravity of your resonance

Our conversations accented by a guttural lust


Your pleochroic eyes were especially

Duplicitous, the way they’d reflect

My flaws so precisely and still

Manage to attain the same inclinations

As your smile. I knew that you would

Pass through other women, just as

Mellifluous as you passed through me

And yet everyday without fail, I waited,

So that every night you would render me

To a state of delirious completion


(With the writer’s block I decided to just lighten up and have fun so if nothing else this was a fun poem to write!)



A sinuous peak

Seemingly predatory

Grants no amnesty


Omnivorous greed

Silences all dissension

Entropy ensues


A basilisk sea

Immobilizes its prey

Envenoms landscape


A composite grief

The heart break of a nation

Echoes globally


(*pulls out hair*)

Liebster Award


Okay not sure I did this correctly we can hope!

A huge thanks to Anja who nominated me! Her blog is amazing so visit it!

The Liebster Award is very unique in the fact it brings recognition to the smaller blogs of the ‘verse. With that in mind, all of the nominated blogs will have less than 200 followers.

The rules:

  1. Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog.
  2. Post 11 facts about yourself, answer the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.
  3. Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.
  4. Display the Liebster Award logo.
  5. No tag back thingys.

Eleven Facts About Me

  1. I stayed at University for 10 years and left with only a bachelors in Nutrition because I started several other majors first (Special Education, Recreational Therapy etc.) in the same time my husband got two Bachelors, a Masters, and no joke had even been given a key to the computer science building! After graduating he became a professor there. He is a genius I am so jealous lol
  2. I got married when I was 19, 6 months after meeting my husband in a wedding my mom planned in less than 1 week (she was just as excited!)
  3. Like my mom I have dreams about people dying that come true. In dreams I help spirits cross over and have seen the after life.
  4. I have an abnormally good sense of smell. When I went to visit the Washington Monument as a child I detected smoke, they look into it and there was an electric fire that had started in the walls we were all evacuated. I can smell a jar of unopened molasses rooms away. I can also identify by scent various infections, my eye sight and hearing aren’t that good I think I got jipped on the senses lol
  5. According to an acupuncturist I am something of a succubus, I can absorb chi from other people in large volumes
  6. When I was a kid my dad had this creepy alarm clock radio that even when unplugged and without batteries it continued to play. Around my dad there is always paranormal malevolent activity and I suspect its because he is evil.
  7. The first dream I remember was going to the beach with my parents and the drive was incredibly long, it was raining, and we were driving across this massive bridge over the ocean and the water was black. The dream was almost black and white. When we arrived I decided to go swimming but I was a little scared so I took my doll with me (the one I slept with). A shark came and the doll sacrificed itself for me and when I woke my real doll was gone. As an adult in another country in my in-laws country house for the first time in 26 years I saw the same doll which was rather an usual doll to begin with.
  8. I went to Duke University to participate in a study on ADD (before I knew I had Epilepsy) and they told me I had the worst case of ADD they had ever seen! My ADD was so severe I was told by Vocational Rehab not to bother with college or a job, just to go on disability, basically they said I would never really be a functional member of society. I actually did well in college all 10 years of it lol
  9. I have never broken a bone, despite falling down countless flights of stairs, off roofs, being dragged by an ATV downhill along gravel with my arms trapped in the grating, not even during a post seizure stupor where I jumped out of moving car.
  10. I have small kidneys which I guess makes it harder for my body to detox. I started taking fish oils hoping to improve my brain function and they caused me to release such an enormous amount of endorphins that I actually maintained an intense high for a solid week. Also because of my succubus qualities I can literally absorb other people’s endorphin rushes just by being near them.
  11. My husband is the first and only person I have ever kissed

Eleven Questions I have been asked

  1. If you could be a any flavor ice cream, what color would you be? ;)Well I am a red head which makes you think strawberry but I am not that sweet, maybe mint chocolate chip because I am rather an acquired taste and while I am innocent/naive (mint is clean-tasting) there is also this indulgent darkness spread throughout
  2. What authors, photographers or artists inspire you?Arthur Rimbaud, Jim Carroll, Charles Baudelaire, Sylvia Plath just to name a few! Photographers I don’t have names but I love those books where they take candid nudes of real people and share bits of their lives, I love black and white photography, and my husband takes the most amazing nature photos. Artists Da Vinci, Vincent Van Gogh, Francisco De Goya, etc.
  3. Do you have any regrets in life?I have many regrets, my greatest regrets involve burning bridges, pushing people away but I also regret that I didn’t plan better for the future and how often I have let fear swallow my footsteps
  4. Why do you blog?Its hard to find people with shared interests and online I can talk to other writers and people can voluntarily chose to read my poetry, I don’t want to feel like I am forcing my poems on anyone but I do like to share.
  5. Are you an introvert or extrovert? Combo?I am unmistakeably, unquestionable an introvert. I am like a wet cat in social situations.
  6. Who is your hero?Perhaps Isadora Duncan while I wouldn’t model my life after hers and while I don’t profess an identical set of beliefs I admire were vivaciousness, her independent and rebellious spirit. I would love to write as well as Jim Carroll !
  7. What animal are you most like?My husband insists I am a squirrel something about the way I covet my food lol
  8. What do you think the color red tastes like?Sweet/Spicy
  9. If you could pick your own theme song…what would it be?“Unholy, Dirty, and Beautiful” by David Usher
  10. What hobbies do you have NOT blog related?When I don’t have words I like to do aura paintings, just color impressions. I also exercise A LOT 2 hours most days and that includes all sorts of activities (yoga, weights, dance, martial arts, running, aerobics, Pilates). I have also been known to role play (write stories with other writers, assuming various characters in my case usually originals).
  11. What is your favorite number?9

Eleven Questions for My Nominees

  1. When did you start writing? Was there any specific person, event, or inspiration?
  2. Aside from writing do you have other talents?
  3. What was one of the scariest things you have ever done?
  4. What do you think happens when we die? Had any near death experiences?
  5. Describe yourself in one sentence
  6. If you had a pen name what would it be?
  7. What draws you to other writers? (what sort of poems do you like)
  8. What is the last dream you remember?
  9. What is your favorite scent?
  10. Are you an optimist/pessimist/realist?
  11. What is your favorite game? (board game, video game, sport whatever)

My Eleven Nominees