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This time I feel the explanation should go at the beginning.

This was the prompt I was given
Vesna (a Goddess in Serbian mythology) is walking through the park one evening and sees a couple breaking up. She wants to stop it from happening. I gave the male and female leads names (Serbian names hopefully if the name guide didn’t deceive me) to make it easier to follow the dialogue.ย  I also specified who they were talking to in case that would be confusing. I have never done a poem 100% in dialogue so this was an experiment (not a purposeful one this is just what happened lol).


Mihailoย 
(to Ana)
The only time I ever dance
Is in the ghost of your smile

It is your happiness that I seek
Even above my instinct to predation

It is not for lack of hunger
That I disarm these hands

I wait that our love may grow
Beyond a reactionary carnality

Ana (to Mihailo)
I am not the innocent that you endow
With uncompromising virtue

I cannot be the object of your worship
My heart suffers that I should deceive

I grapple faithlessly with the notion
That providence has abandoned me

My lover resides amongst the stars
By my own frailty, perished

We pretend, cease your fruitless wait
For no heart have I left to give

Mihailo (to Ana)
Tragedy has rendered you fearful
Do not renounce our love

Ana (to Mihailo)
It was loneliness that brought us close
You were merely a diversion

Mihailo (to Ana)
Your words mislead, do not speak
As if our relationship means nothing

If you would leave then speak only
Of your trepidation

Do not vilify yourself on my behalf
I know what I stand to lose if you go

Ana (to Mihailo)
I must go, better that you find
Relief in my guilty conscious

Mihailo (to Ana)
I find no pleasure
That you should suffer

I am the one lacking
I could not ease your pain

Vesna (to both)
It is vanity to claim omniscience
You have only to follow your hearts

Vesna (to Ana)

It is too late to keep distance
If you go now you will sicken with regret

Here he stands pleading before you
There is no greater gift

Would you turn your back
On such a blessing?

Would you dishonor those lost
By ceasing now to live?

Ana (to Vesna)
I would not forget those deceased
Would that not be a greater dishonor?

Vesna (to Ana)
Would your departed wish you
To remain crippled by grief?

If such a sadist was he
Then he was never worthy of your tears

Ana (to Vesna)
He would not wish for me this fate
That I, have in self-pity assumed

I understand now that I mourn
For my loss, not his

I was afraid to love too deeply
Lest death again betray

Ana (to Mihailo)

There is no man more deserving
If you will still have me

I know my heart capable
Of reciprocation

What do you say Mihailo
Care to try again?

=

For

Mythology Workshop #1

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34 thoughts on “Mythology Workshop #1

  1. nice…you worked the dialogue really well its not easy to do and can easily slip into campy and feeling preconcieved but i think you handled that well….and were able to maintain a good flow to it as well…def catch the same shakespeare feel as well….

  2. I was so looking forward to your entry!I am sure out of all participants you got a mythology part you never even heard of before. I loved how you handled the challenge of it,I loved the extra effort that you gave by picking the names that would add to the thematic and origins of the mythology itself. You also picked to do the poem in a dialogue, which is a very nice,refreshing approach which is always a nice thing to see and what makes me even more happy is that it is not your usual style. You also picked to combine your usual juicy,succulent language and word choice with archaics,which is a wonderfull huge win mix – which also gave the spice needed for a love including prompt – the love and personalities of Ana and Mihailo look so vibrant, fiery,passionate and alive. On top of that, you chose to depict something unique once again, the events you picked as your reasons for break-up are very refreshing to see as well as engaging, I really wanted to put myself into that situation,it made me think :”What would I do? “How would I feel?”.
    The mythlogy of the goddess herself was nicely shown through the dialogue and scenery, the message of spring is felt, when new things yearn to bloom, new petals born from old wilted ones. You have in my eyes managed to show Vesna as a divine figure, her voice,even tho writen in the same way and vision as Ana and Mihailo, is clearly distinguishable as to being a voice of a divine source.
    Regarding the 21st century theme, you can say you did not directly brush and touch it, but I think you did, in a sence of I have envisioned this as a message of the beauty and purity of Love that is still present. It is like you ahve depicted a mdoern fairytale, with a modern,mundane,relatable happily ever after moment.
    Now the Workshop part, like I write to everybody,they are only suggestions,you can revise or you can leave this gem of a poem be as it is:)
    -There is a lack of a title. I really think the poem as a work of art would benefit from having one, even if it is something like “An untitled spring tale” or anything you can come up with.
    -There is a slight lack of a begining and an ending – curtains opening and curtains closing. With the language you used and the Shakespearean feeling that you made us fee, the poem simply becons for an into – for the readers to be led into a tale. I know this might take away from the dialogue,but maybe you do not have to change that,maybe you can for example make the wind and the earth have a dialogue, or sun and grass or something similar. It feels as tho we are simply being tossed into a scene. The ending could also benefit from something similar and it would make everything look like a whimsical theater play that we just watched, although I believe the opening would be in a much bigger need of it.

    I defenately see this as a great honor to Slavic mythology.I see this piece as something that could very easily be seen in school books. I believe the teachers and poets from around here that work in literature would feel very proud and fullfilled after reading this poem. It is heartfelt, deep, very artistic, relatable and with an important message. I am very happy and feel blessed I could read this!

    1. Oh wow thank you! An opening scene probably would have been a good thing I agree. I never even technically stated their location. Hubbie is off his anxiety meds and he can’t sleep which means I don’t sleep. Apparently I wake up if he so much as moves a finger when he’s awake (if he is asleep then I sleep through movement but I sense it when he is awake). He said if he even glances at my face I will wake up instantly and ask if he is alright. I wasn’t aware of how alert I am when sleeping, could explain why I never really feel rested lol. I wonder if this a consequence of a having a small child? Anyways when my brain is tired it totally omits things and I have been unusually busy so sorry for the incomplete nature. I wasn’t even going for a Shakespeare feel I only noticed after I wrote it that I had veered in that direction.

      1. No need to appoligse, the poem is great!:) I also find myself sleeping like that, 1 little move and I emmediatly wake up,because I think my son needs something,so I would defenately say it is the consequence of having a small child ๐Ÿ˜€
        Please don;t feel obligated to revise this poem, a part and a purpose of my workshop is to give everyone thoughtfull feedback in an effort to also show them they can do the same:D It didn’t hurt I hope and I hope it was constructive!I must tell you that it was a scary thing to write, I never know how people are going to react or will they understand that it does not mean I disslike their poem.

      2. I am very impressed with your detailed feedback =), I was so worried I would forget Mythology Workshop I forgot my own title lol My brain doesn’t multitask very well. I remember when I had a writing group and we wrote stories together and this one girl would only write one sentence very vague nothing for anyone to run with. Turns out I was pretty clever at going on nothing and I actually wrote some pretty hilarious responses but no one else would write with her (they did read our posts though because it was just pure crack on my part) so I had to teach her to create characters and how to write with detail, everything honestly. I worked for months and it was nerve–wracking because I wanted to bring out her muse and I didn’t want to offend her. Luckily she wanted the lessons but broaching that issue was tough!

  3. You should try to write a play, maybe just a short one for a start. This was your first time writing a 100%-dialog poem, but it doesn’t feel like it at all. It’s so beautiful.

    1. I have considered it but I know so little about plays to be honest. I would have to do a little research. In high school I read a lot of Oscar Wilde, his plays are fantastically entertaining. Thank you so much Elia =)

  4. Wow. I’ve never heard of any Slavic mythology before, and your poem was a great introduction! The dialog was poetic and not contrived or sappy. Great job with a difficult task!

  5. This was really so amazing – and your first time?? Goodness. You should definitely do more of these ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. As someone introduced to Slavic mythology, I really like it, I can see spring Vesna carries, renewing and make love reborn, I`m intrigued by style of writing, I wouldn’t dare myself to try something like that and I`m amazed by flow and how beautiful it is, great job, really really like it ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. I caught a Shakespearean feel to this as well, it was excellently done! I wouldn’t have guessed you’d never done a full dialogue poem before if you hadn’t mentioned it in your opening!

  8. I got here via the 13th Floor’s participants page. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I hadn’t thought of doing the writing in a poetry style. It’s very much like an old Shakespearean play (as everyone else has pointed out) and I do like it. Great job!

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