Inept

avoidant_personality_disorder_by_embracelife-d31j8eo

Your teasing smile

Abrades my ego

The intimate posturings

Of your limbs

Binding my reservations

Your touch nullifies me

I withdraw self-consciously

Too famished to warm your flesh

The curve of your brows

Rising and falling

Over riotous seas,

Articulates my unspoken needs

The atmosphere shifts

Or is just my neurasthenia buzzing?

Desperate for your love

I wait in the paranoia

Of my condensed breath

For you to move

If you pursue

Then I can avoid

The disappointment

Of unwed plans

My echo is too emphatic,

She relives the humiliation

Of my incongruous steps

I cannot bare to stand

Too long under observation

I’ll take my exit at the slightest

Falter in attention

My belligerent heart speaks

Without being spoken too,

My sullen secrets exceeding

Your pedestrian expectations

Too damaged to be loved,

Too broken to satisfy

A needful equality

In your shadow,

Wrapped in a rapturous ambiguity

I might have lingered

But I had to question our status

Even knowing

That we languished formless and unborn

Even knowing

That the definition would dissolve

My sin

Is a conscious deconstruction

The need to fix

That which is not broken

A compulsion

To distort nature to my ideals

I turn my hooked smile inward,

Cracking open each marrow-filled bone

That I might feed you of my essence

At predigested intervals

I never respected

My own privacy

Or the sanctity of your margins,

Unwelcome,

I am guilty

Of trespass and treason

When you leave

The interrogation will begin,

The tears and the apologies

Surrendered to your absence

For a time I’ll affix my likeness

To you that I might hate someone else

But the true villain

Will remain unchanged

=

This is painfully autobiographical