I adhere dreams as stars to the blackened
Chambers of any heart that has ever
Tried, through incrimination, to possess
Me. Under chloroform skies I sleep in
A world where the colors are still mine
To embellish, in a world that neither
Defers to extrinsic authorities nor
Condemns my Bohemian nature
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Finally I wrote! Writer’s block or maybe confidence block not sure which
Submission for
Hidden
In cuspate leaves
My armor is fashioned
From the plates of Dogbane beetles
An iridescent nymph distantly glimpsed
Mephitic when intimacy
Enforces disclosure
Let me remain
Hidden
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I do my best to be invisible in public but apparently I am not be very stealthy because strangers are always approaching me for conversation lol
20 Facts
1. I cook mostly Japanese food
2. I have done yoga since I was 12 so for 20 years now!
3. I weigh less now than I did when I was 12 because I used to be overweight (I was around the same height than as now and I had been through puberty). I still battle with weight issues I love to eat, I eat for every conceivable reason and I have hypothyrodism. So I eat seaweed for the old thyroid and exercise 2 hours a day and do my best to eat nutritiously. I have a degree in Nutrition =)
4. I love 90s music
5. Beluga whales are one of my favorite animals
6. I want to start a Brothel of Slaking Intellectual Lusts a place where you stimulate the mind as opposed to the flesh. Dreams, philosophy, psychology, debate you name it!
7. I had a cat Garfield (whom I loved to bits) who could talk (not that he did it a lot but randomly). My husband found out when Garfield asked him one day when they were alone “How are you doing?”
8. I love cult films like “Donnie Darko” “A Clockwork Orange” “Fight Club” “SLC Punk” “Rocky Horror Picture Show” etc. I am really really 90s okay lol
9. I spend 2 plus hours a day on the tram (so my daughter can go to the daycare she went to before we moved) and that’s where I get most of my reading done!
10. I get up at 6 am everyday I don’t even sleep in when sick!
11. I am obsessed with the show Mystery Diagnosis
12. None of my dishes match I go to Secondhand Shops and pick them out randomly
13. I stopped eating gluten in January to help with my seizures and for the first time in my life my nails are actually growing!
14. I have detailed profiles for over a hundred characters/more in my head
15. I have seen all of Bruce Lee’s movies multiple times
16. I once fell asleep in my front yard and woke up with 4 adorable dachshund puppies plus mom asleep on me, I had never met them prior
17. When I was teenager I used to rearrange all the furniture and switch the rooms around in our house when no one was around, my mom never minded because I cleaned at the same time (hyper much?)
18. My grandmother on my dad’s side looked so much like the tree from Pocahontas that I sometimes watch the movie because I don’t have pictures of her (not for lack of trying but in every picture I took she looks like a spirit its all blurry and super bright). My aunt painted a portrait of her which was used during her service because no one had a picture. During her service her casket was literally glowing.
19. I always knew I would marry a Swedish man before I even met my husband I was saving up to visit Sweden.
20. Dessert Roses are one of my favorite plants
I thought this challenge looked interesting so I decided to give it a go =) If any of you guys decide to participate please let me know in the comments so I can visit your blog.
From my About page/poems I am just guessing you have more information on me than you could ever possibly want to know :-P. But for those of you who are of a curious nature feel free to ask me any questions and I will answer them (preferably not about math).
Hubbie sent me this youtube video a while ago because it reminded him so much of me. I have always been in my own world. I don’t mean in the normal daydreamy cute shy girl sort of way but in the what is she on sort of way (nothing btw I don’t drink or do drugs). I am an astronaut if you exclude all the technical training and just count hours logged in space. I am poetry its what I do, its what I think about, its what I feel every moment and I live through words.
Now here are some recent photos of me
Why don’t I have facial expressions? Answer I am scared of the camera haha (true story)
There are those doors which offer no egress, those doors which open only to an insulating wall. Sean’s mother owned a house possessing such a non-aperture and Absinthe had always wondered what lay behind that brick facade. At night while everyone in the house slept she would slink into the gutted, unused-but-for storage-basement and with only the reassurance of her flashlight she would crouch in the shadows watching silhouettes sink into the wood portal. She was not frightened by these apparitions for they were not the darker shadows of an insidious evil but the listless vestments of former humans shuffling in and out as if through a train terminal. That summer Absinthe came many times, thief-like, in the dead of night to observe, like a child stooping in her brightly-colored pajamas. Some nights the family cat sat beside her tail flitting back and forth, green eyes viperous as if it were engaged in cerebral acts of predation. Sometimes, that same cat, lost interest and insisted upon her lap and her good nature for affection.
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One night when the traffic was unusually low, the cat, Lilith who was Abyssinian by breed but inscrutable by nature rose up and with a flirtatious turn of the head, to ascertain that she had Absinthe’s undivided attention, sauntered up to the door. In an instant the feline vanished and no amount of eye-blinking restored her presence or explained her departure. When the aging princess did not return after a few minutes Absinthe rose and lay her fingers gingerly upon the casing which she found to be solid. Turning the brass knob she jerked open the door and behind it there was nothing but not the nothing of consoling and militantly ordered blocks but the nothing of abyss. Forgoing logical consideration or even the hesitancy of a reasonable trepidation she too passed through, as if herself boneless, into the chill of an unrequited darkness.
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Rubbing her naked arms Absinthe saw before her a city lit only by the unnatural glow of a sun pulverized into a fine powder haze. From where she stood atop a hill the city appeared almost sunken, like a ship-wreck discovered only after the dredging of a massive sea. The buildings looked as models haphazardly placed, the girders twisted as if they had been bowed by a tremendous pressure. Beneath her rainbow-colored socks the earth was loose and dry like sand, as she walked she felt the indentures her steps were making but when she looked over her shoulder there was no sign of passage. For a long time her journey yielded no scenic deviations, the city remained mirage-like, out of reach. This place, in whatever realm it existed, possessed no nature, it was if someone had stripped New York down to its endoskeleton and than placed a dome over the whole city. A dome of tinted red glass, that created the ambiance of fire where there wasn’t even heat. There was no sign of electricity, no movement of traffic, nothing to indicate that the city lived or catered to occupants.
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At length, for which no time or distance could be measured, she came to a bridge which connected the barren outlands to the city’s periphery. There was no sound save the violent rush of the waters churning beneath her. The river, unlike the surroundings, was not red but slate grey as if comprised not of water but of ashes. It extended so far in either direction that she could not follow its course despite the height afforded her by the bridge and the lack of visual impediment. “That’s where all life is born…” Absinthe jerked her head up in acknowledgment and there sitting on the railing was Lilith. “Take care not to fall in…the living can’t pass through the portal and you’d never escape the currents…” The cat warned to which she could only nod obediently despite a full lack of comprehension. She did not think it particularly strange that the cat was talking, much less that it understood the situation, for in light of her current circumstances she was not even certain that she was awake.
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Crossing the bridge she saw her first intimations of life, ghosts that appeared, not as an indistinct darkness but as men, albeit men, of a more diaphanous composition than herself. These “vapor” men were passing in and out of detached cubicles that hovered several inches from the earth’s surface. They neither interacted with one another nor acknowledged her presence. “What’s in those rooms?” Absinthe asked startling the cat, who was not accustomed to having intelligent questions directed at her. “Think of it like a private theater…only far more significant than any movie you’ve ever seen…they are scanning for a perspective reincarnation…we’re not arbitrarily reborn you know…its a conscientious decision…one not based on pleasure or pain but rather on experience…the meaning of life if you want to call it that is evolutionary in nature…” The cat answered smirking in a not-so-discreet recognition of her own superiority. “What about the city?” The girl asked and the cat made a gesture that might have been a shrug. “That’s where these guys stay until they figure out what they want to do next..its like a resort town…well not like a resort back home…there all sorts of entities living there not just humans…she keeps them in check…keeps the demons from devouring all the souls but it gets pretty tense sometimes…there is a huge University where you can discuss what you’ve learned about the universe during your last incarnation…how to retain your memories in the next life…how to choose a propitious rebirth…and lots of purification classes to avoid too much human to demon conversion…pollution builds up you know…” The cat answered watching the girl’s face, which was so immaculate in its expression of wonderment, that no other emotion could be extracted.
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“Who is she?” Absinthe asked knowing that her words were unwelcome as the cat jumped backwards suddenly and arched its back as if threatened. “We don’t talk about her and if you have any sense you won’t either…I will tell you one thing though she’s not a God and if you ever get it into that addled brain of yours to worship her she’ll maze your ass right quick…you’d die before you ever worked out how to escape but your soul would be stuck there for eternity…something like purgatory, only less crowded…” The Abyssinian answered narrowing her eyes before turning around sharply to discourage all further entreaty on the subject. “Well come on you want to see the city don’t ya?”
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It got too long to go on 😛 This is influenced by a dream I had, I did go into the city.
Submission for
Burnt amber, those pupil-less eyes
Which are adept only at abstraction
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Cadaverous white, that flesh tattooed in
Psionic wounds for which there is no closing
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Scarlet Ibis, those lips which in mourning
Bleed, a language of the viscera and corpuscles
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Graffiti black, that hair which spills over the
Walls like inky runes, betraying and dissecting
My heart on concrete, as if in autopsy
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Her face is unclothed, neither disguised nor
Accented as if imperfection were virtue, she
Speaks bluntly about truth despite the horrors
Enclosed. Unlike me she doesn’t understand
The nature of fear and if my words hesitate
It is only because I have sedated the pen
=
She sleeps in the crawl space right between
My heart and diaphragm, my eremitic muse.
Her needs are few though she is demanding
I’m not her master but rather her shell
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She is a psychopomp in ashen cassock that
Speaks through me in dreams, those words
Which only the dead may know. She sends me
Prophecies but for what end I am uncertain
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I am no more alive than she is human, she
Is a fiend, an outcast unaware of exclusion
She is consumed by her own obsessions and
Does not care to what detriment I am exposed
Yet it is she that applies the formaldehyde which
Keeps me here, preserved, vaguely sentient we are
The same in the sense that we are inseparable
=
I chose this image because it looks like unattached/unformed muses, I was unable to find an image that really resembled my actual muse. My muse though spooky is not evil (amoral not immoral like nature I suppose) . I do not have an actual name for her but I sometimes refer to her as Ei Vene because there is a character in Planescape Torment for which she has some similarities and whom I use to represent her
Graphite
In language cast
These vulturine desires
Unlocked beneath the poet’s pen
Cyclic apocalypses rending hope
A catabolic heart consuming
Of itself in absence
As needy as
Graphite
What is life
Without latitude
Or contrast
Where lies love
If not in a chrysalis
Split open by light
=
I have been rather OCD lately hence all the syllable counting I think lol Shadorma isn’t a form that comes very easily for me so I wanted to take a crack at it again. I called this Tanka before no idea why lol
Amber
Underneath your
Venous, satin-lined
Tongue my unused
Voice indurates, like
A dragonfly fused
In amber
**********
Judas
My Judas will aligns
To your misogynistic
Constructs as if
Through adhesion
I could alter your
Composition
***********
Tomorrow
My spinal column,
As an aqueduct,
Carries water from
The amnesiac waters
Of the river Styx.
In my eyes you are
Continuously reborn
In my eyes, I have
Always been the
Guilty one
*************
Scarecrow
You are anhedonic
Like a scarecrow
Imposing shadows
On a xanthic field
It’s not your words
So much as the
Orientation of your
Threats, left-sided
=
Every morning I wake
Up hysterical knowing
That your straw hands
Have molded around
My heart, knowing
That your 6 foot
Shadow is my grave
***********
Feather
There are moments when I
Can’t recognize my hands
Bilious doves tucked into
The pockets of a winter
Jacket worn year round
=
Rarely inspired to labor
These fists full of dirty
Feathers and windless
Dreams have through
Negligence crumbled
=
(Last night I had a nightmare that my husband and I were driving a long stretch of highway flanked by fallow fields. In the fields there were all these brightly colored doors, a few of them were partially opened but with no visible light between the cracks just darkness. My husband couldn’t see them and though I was in the car, in my mind they seemed to get closer and closer. I don’t know if they represented unreality or death. Lately before a seizure I am seeing birds sometimes like black crows and last night some bizarre golden bird, everything is so surreal at the moment and I am really exhausted.)
Her hair,
Murder of crows
In hysteria tossed
Like the smoke of extinguished stars
Falling in funereal succession.
Her lips slide against my appeals
Like velvet eclipsing
My hands arrest
Her hair
Submission for
mindlovemisery 