Paper Heart

How long have I dwelt here

On the ocean floor

With the weight of the world

Pressing down

And no air to feed my lungs

Screaming but soundless

As I struggle to the surface?


There are beasts

Beneath the water

In places so dark

That light cannot pervade them

They wear the faces of men

But bear hearts like glaciers

Impregnable fortresses of ice


I have swallowed creation

A poisoned, anonymous lust

Existing bitter within me

I would have given

Anything to escape

No distance, no matter how great

Could take me there


To know the nature of man

At his worst

Is to see my own reflection

Such horrors as I face everyday

Moments that even nightmares

Will not claim


I know the other side of love

The hate that breeds violence

The hate that makes men falter

And surrender to controversy


I used to want to live,

As though an allegory

A white feathered muse

Unblemished by memory

How soon

Till I wield my mask again?


Behind closed doors

Alone in my fragility

I allow the disease

To continue its course


To survive a man would kill

To escape a man would torture

If for even a moment he thought

He were held against his will

To be forced to face himself

He would destroy everything

Until naught but cinders remained


No one ever hurt me

Quite like myself

The sacrifices I’ve made

Amount to little

When measured

Against my dreams

But how easily I discarded my soul

For a life I did not want to lead


I dwell quietly in addiction

So no one has to see me consumed

To fall into nothingness

That I might for a moment forget


Even love can not save me

For my heart is swollen with rage

And can no longer take anything in

Nor feel anything but pain


This is  fictional work

17 responses to “Paper Heart

  1. “Even love can not save me
    For my heart is swollen with rage
    And can no longer take anything in
    Nor feel anything but pain”

    I have been at this point. You describe it perfectly.

  2. This was so beautiful and sad….the first part had me feel like I was drowning. Kind of one of my biggest fears. I am always stunned by your amazing talent.

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