It is only because
you are not here
that I continue
to put one knee
in front of the other.
It is only because
of your rage towards women
that I no longer have a womb.
Everyone knows
the best mothers are barren
because their blood stains no one.
–
You taught me how and what to believe
and now I cannot even think of myself
without finding something of you mixed in.
When I am happy
it is only because I have found
something deeply unfamiliar,
something that you
can not claim from beyond the grave.
–
In my mouth
there is a fist
pushing back the feelings.
These feelings which belong
to no one in particular.
These feelings like stars
which bloom only in darkness.
–
I do not move across the sky
in an arch of fire
when the night has passed.
For me the night does not pass
it only remembers
and whoever I might have been
prior to birth is daily extinguished
by the voice of my past.
mindlovemisery 