It’s 3am and I am walking backwards,
up and down the staircase in a faulty rhythm.
There is a knot in my throat the size of a fist
and whenever I speak it tastes of gravel.
–
My dress climbs higher with each step
the pattern indistinguishable at certain altitudes
and I reflect sadly on my once trim thighs.
Time forces the soul to the surface,
turns us inside out and right side up
or upside down depending on our persuasion.
–
My brain feels tight and heavy
and I can’t make out the path ahead.
Under siege, my emotions come one and all.
I take a sputtering, bloodied breath
but the moment for enlightenment has passed.
–
A spray of shrapnel catches my left ventricle,
I grip the edge of my kitchen countertop
to keep from spilling onto the linoleum tiles.
Between lakes and pines I feel invincible,
a beast can only live in wild spaces.
Low light softens even the gravest afflictions.
–
My thoughts are audible as they pass.
I travel landscapes like the simple quilts
woven by my grandmother’s hands
but the distance does not bring me
any closer to a sense of freedom.
–
I keep tripping over the same fork in the road.
Are these obstacles gifts or signs?
I spend my days fighting the fires in my infernal heart
and my nights closeted by baseless fears.
Is this my picture perfect, my life as I have willed it?
–
for
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