Wordle #65 “Night Terror”

I delve into the hollows ablating your eyes

Into the magniloquent breasts and the smile

Marinating luridly on your incomprehensible face.

The picture frame on my bed does not help

To recover your beauty, the reservoir

Where you sleep and sour, the sacred stricture,

The murky ablutions that eat your flesh

As the adhesions on a strip of filthy tape.

What dreg did you succumb to? What nightmare?

Tonight I remember only the horror,

The terrible grief, the breath-stealing punch.

What brutal tide has commissioned you?

How is it that you exist in this unfit world?

In these dark recesses? In this dream

Which is not a dream at all but a panic?

*

For

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/06/15/wordle-65-june-15-2015/

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Unspoken

1

My inept tongue nests

Inside a shallow windpipe

Spurning all but script

2

I adjust my smile

Three times before withdrawing

My heart completely

3

Starless truths gather

Like magpies in the cartridge

Of a trusted pen

–

Excising dead flesh

I burgeon pink and fertile

From a would be grave

*

I really couldn’t write today I was much too distracted and nervous. I had an appointment with a counselor. I was dreading it but in the end the woman was very nice. I feel embarrassed now after the fact. Did I make myself look healthier than I am? I tend to gloss over my problems when I get nervous. I also laugh when I get nervous. Did I come off as whiny? Or cruel? I told her I wasn’t happy with my Neurologist and I feel very bad about that now.  Ugh…guilt. I did manage to tell her about my social anxiety, memory problems, and desire for more independence maybe even taking on part-time manual labor sort of job something strait-forward and not to people intense. I didn’t mention my past in a way I want to talk about it because I feel it is affecting me and I think it will be helpful in drawing a more complete picture. I don’t want to spend session after session on my past though, I want to focus on concrete future goals, but I think it is necessary because it was unhealthy.

Also I submitted this to Carbon Noise Poetry

http://kshawnedgar.wordpress.com/2013/09/15/quarantine/

Discarnate

My mouth is a fountainhead

Laughter welling, metaphysical

From shivering lips,

Lips that mustn’t and cannot

Silence the hysterics of drowning breaths

*

I know the terror of cachinnation

When it births from a sourceless despair

The gut-stripping panic of neurons

Alighting red and bloodless

*

I know my body as a grave

Inside of which the discarnate “I” heaves

Inside of which, that same fragile bird must nest

Regardless of the parasitical hatchlings

That mercilessly devour her chicks

*

I cohabit with demons

Frozen in graceless pallor

Voice singing, nostrils raised in alarm

Like the hackles of an aggrieved beast

I wouldn’t recognize myself in a crowd

Features unzipped, tongue insurmountable

*

Have you ever seen a dead man smile?

Electric pulse wrenching the mouth free of flesh

Humor impassive, teeth angled for incision

Eyes dim as the sockets wherein they perish

That aspect

Which mocks and enslaves all hearts to fall upon it

That aspect

Which I must unwillingly bear

Despite the inconsolable tears to follow

=

This poem is about my experience with Gelastic seizures aka laughing seizures. I think in one of my previous posts I went into detail but I can’t recall whatever the case feel free to ask questions!

Prompt 18 “Losing Control”

I want you to write about an experience where you lost control (of your emotions, impulses, mind, body, life whatever). You do not have to write about this topic in the negative (you know I did haha) you can talk about falling in love, sky diving for the first time, having a baby, moving to another country there are just as many positive examples as negative so don’t feel that you have share something gut-wrenching (you are most welcome but the choice is yours). You can even write about something like the freedom of dance or getting carried away by your muse. Pictures are welcome! I did not paint this picture it is a wallpaper found on Google.