No

Leonora Carrington

Who could relieve my biology

These spiteful yearnings?

A victim of design

Rather than election

These imperfect suits

Of flesh do not

Accommodate the mind

And the heart

Has no where left

To go but through.

 

Could you spare me

The humiliation

Of reduction?

My eyes fumble

On the tides

Of incursion

Your staggered smile

Breaks wind

Could it be

That you speak

More than necessary?

Cruel in emphasis

A simple no would stand

*

I tried to write a poem but my nerves are absolutely shot I have an important test to take today yikes!

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Unspoken

1

My inept tongue nests

Inside a shallow windpipe

Spurning all but script

2

I adjust my smile

Three times before withdrawing

My heart completely

3

Starless truths gather

Like magpies in the cartridge

Of a trusted pen

–

Excising dead flesh

I burgeon pink and fertile

From a would be grave

*

I really couldn’t write today I was much too distracted and nervous. I had an appointment with a counselor. I was dreading it but in the end the woman was very nice. I feel embarrassed now after the fact. Did I make myself look healthier than I am? I tend to gloss over my problems when I get nervous. I also laugh when I get nervous. Did I come off as whiny? Or cruel? I told her I wasn’t happy with my Neurologist and I feel very bad about that now.  Ugh…guilt. I did manage to tell her about my social anxiety, memory problems, and desire for more independence maybe even taking on part-time manual labor sort of job something strait-forward and not to people intense. I didn’t mention my past in a way I want to talk about it because I feel it is affecting me and I think it will be helpful in drawing a more complete picture. I don’t want to spend session after session on my past though, I want to focus on concrete future goals, but I think it is necessary because it was unhealthy.

Also I submitted this to Carbon Noise Poetry

http://kshawnedgar.wordpress.com/2013/09/15/quarantine/