Sunday Whirl #364 and Music Challenge #33 “Hope in the Air” Sung by Laura Marling and Sunday Writing Prompt “Rorschach Test 3”

Wordle 364.jpgkisspng-rorschach-test-ink-blot-test-flowers-for-algernon-blot-5ad9186b33ea66.0973386315241770032127.png

The lilt of the rain echoes
the longing of a woman revoked.
I never made a ripple
not even when feeding your ego
hand over fist.
I rose to your defense,
scoffed the warnings
that could have freed me
from fate’s unforgiving grip.
Beware of blind faith,
a man that condemns reason
has something to hide.

You preyed on my hopes,
on my body which I gave
as proof of commitment.
My dreams were bigger in scope
than reality could ever realize.
Your heart was too cold
for the fires raging inside of me.

I was barely a woman when we met
but that did not stay your hands.
I remained long after you left,
I remained for the sake of the life
that grew within my trembling womb.
Never did you lift a finger in service
to the miracle our union evoked.

The sky above splits,
thin fingers erupt from the darkness
like a body breaking loose from its grave.
There is no quiet left to bestow,
my mind will not sleep
given the misery that it has sown.
Somewhere your broken body rests.
Does death still dream?
Because I can’t feel a goddamn thing.

I sat all night in my dusty clothes,
my white dress speckled with blood.
The moon as fine as a razor’s grin
and I knew with relief
that he would never see this terrible sight.
Our child was taken from me
and with him all that remained of my sanity.

What becomes of the living
when life has stolen everything?
We wanted only to be chosen,
to be brilliant through association
but you refused to yield.
I won’t be held accountable
for the loneliness
that your loveless smile provoked.

for
https://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/2018/08/11/wordle-364/
https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2018/08/10/music-challenge-33-hope-in-the-air-sung-by-laura-marling/
https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2018/08/12/sunday-writing-prompt-rorschach-test-3/

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Music Prompt #2 “Italian Leather Sofa” by Cake

When meaning fails

She gathers the hem

Of her skirt, a flash

Of indiscretion

Like a smile, only sharper.

She is a tease, a spitfire,

A rift in his accounts.

He craves her because

She never spares him.

He likes the sound

Of silk being ripped

From expensive flesh.

She likes the shiv

Of his smile unbuttoning

Her overflowing blouse.

A passion that keeps them

Recoiling and rejoicing.

He craves her because

She never spares him.

Her laughter is

Like a truncheon

Exchanged beneath

His unfrequented ribs.

She has a love of numbers

And he so much to give,

Whether a dollar or an inch

He is always considerate.

She craves him because

He never spares her.

The press of her pelvis

Stamps out all memory

Of his failings

She likes the sound

His pockets make

When shaken.

He loves her violence

And she his.

A passion that keeps

Them clear of walls.

He craves her because

She never spares him.

I went with a more humorous approach to this one

For

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/07/31/music-prompt-2-italian-leather-sofa-by-cake/

Music Prompt #1 “Saint Lawrence River” and Wordle #143

The storm in my heart

Dissolves in yours.

How precious these words

Haunting our borders

Lifeless after impact.

The price was too high

My need too intermittent

To justify the litter

Of your exclusion.

Nothing illuminates

Like your smile.

Remote beneath my own

Impossibility succumbs

To conscious delusion

We can still belong

If only…

Behind the scenes

Our masks freeze

Into place and I wonder

What it would feel like

To become you

In the absence of self

We might succeed

One unholy entity

Purified by the pools

Swelling beneath

Your impassive eyes.

143

For

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/07/24/music-prompt-1/

The subject matter is different but this is what came to me when listening to the song

Day 30 “Change”

MusicChallengehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0r1IygHsQ4

Whew I wasn’t sure I would make it out alive lol This was a challenge as my memory isn’t good with quick recall (I can’t even remember my favorite movie 15 minutes after I watched it) .  My memory is horribly abstract ask me to recall a movie and I will answer something like “It felt yellow…” “The leaves were apple crisp” “I have a spleen full of magma” As you can imagine no one ever knows what the hell I am talking about. Even when I can access a memory the abstract nature makes it unusable! I get lost constantly because I can only recall the most obscure details about a place, I seem to see things no one else notices and to miss all that is obvious. I chose this song because I want to support Sam, to be strong enough to live and love fully.  To not just be more independent but to repay generosity. I want to be needed, necessary, useful.

Day 29 “A Song You Loved As A Teenager”

MusicChallengehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6P0SitRwy8

I was a teenager in 90s and I was into grunge and what is grunge without Nirvana? I love Nirvana I still listen to them regularly I wouldn’t be a proper Generation X’er otherwise =) I understand how parents and grandparents get stuck!  Isadora is too young to make fun of me for being lame/old (well she hasn’t started yet and not for a lack of lameness/oldness I assure), she is only 5 and the crazier I act the more badass I am in her book.  That is one of the fabulous aspects of small children, if Sam and I break into spontaneous song and dance, she just joins in no questions asked/no judgement passed. She is so good now I can’t but worry lol

Day 27 “A Song That Reminds You Of An Event”

MusicChallengehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-26hsZqwveA

In my junior year of high school I decided to go on the senior class trip to Washington D.C. I didn’t actually know that many seniors but I would have jumped on any excuse to travel/get away from home. The social aspects didn’t bother me, I wasn’t even worried about being social. I figured better that no one know me as there is less chance of me getting pulled into anything. I know, I know where was my sense of rebellion? Of romance? As I was signing up for the field-trip the senior that I had a crush on walked into the room and sat behind me. We didn’t know each other really. We didn’t have classes together and I was too shy to chat with him when I saw him in the mornings. I thought he was cute with his over-sized Joker Hats, hacky sac, and the whole skateboarder get up. I did once get the nerve to approach him on Valentine’s Day I ran up to him and gave him an envelop with a very weird piece of Scandinavian jewelry. I didn’t really intend for it to be worn, it was more this is something I love, I am giving it to you. Anyways I ran off before we could talk to me. That was probably about 1 year before this trip so I figured he’s forgotten all about it. I don’t have to be embarrassed about my lameness anymore lol On the bus they were playing this song and everyone was singing along and even though I wasn’t talking to anyone I felt a part of the group somehow (it’s that weird delusional thing that happens when you get too weird and antisocial I think lol).

=

When we got to the hotel I got into a pair sweats and a t-shirt right away because I was not going to talk to anyone you know. I was going to watch TV and then go to sleep. I had 2 female roommates by the way. At some point my crush appears in my bedroom with me looking like hell (I think I may have had a cat shirt on or something) and I am thinking geezus but I am happy too. He just wanted our coffee pot. Anyways later that night my roommates attempt to lure me to a party with the prospect of pot but I don’t care about that sort of thing so I declined (I  wasn’t goody-two-shoes I always just did my own thing you know? Thankfully I never smoked pot while it is helpful for many conditions it is really not good for Epilepsy!). Turns out my crush is in the room beside me so all night I hear him and his roommates goofing around.

=

The next day the field-trip officially begins and lo and behold my crush comes up and starts talking to me. I was really surprised! He is adorable, more adorable than I imagined. When we take a group photo he is told to stand in the back because of his height but he stays beside me anyways so we will have a picture together. He talks to me a good portion of the trip. He tells me his phone number, his address, his work address, where he is going to college, I mean everything I could need to contact/locate him. Asks me to visit. For some reason I gave him no info at all and I was unlisted and lived in the boonies. He also brings up the necklace which he apparently has on his nightstand. He remembered that? I was happy but then I found out he had a girlfriend (he tells me himself but it doesn’t seem things are going too well). Still I didn’t want to be that girl, I didn’t want to hurt someone. On the way home we stop at a gas station and I go to the bathroom when I get out he is there all puppy eyes “I missed you” he wasn’t making it easy. When we finally got back to the school I left without saying anything in part because my mom was in a big damn hurry, in part because he had a girlfriend so what could I do? He graduated and that was seemingly that. At some point 2 years later I think I met someone who knew him (who I didn’t know but mysteriously knew me, she was his ex so she explained) and she told me where he worked and suggested I go see him (she also told me about their relationship from the past) but I was married at that point so I did not go see him. Honestly, I am not even sure what I said in response to this conversation I was so gobsmacked I mean it is not every day or ever (you would think) that this type of conversation occurs lol So that is my tale for you kiddies =)

Day 26 “A Song For The Present Mindstate”

MusicChallengehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIlLq4BqGdg

“Every single night
I endure the flight
Of little wings of white-flamed
Butterflies in my brain
These ideas of mine
Percolate the mind
Trickle down the spine
Swarm the belly, swelling to a blaze
That’s when the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can’t fit the feelings in, oh
Every single night’s a light with my brain…

What’d I say to her
Why’d I say it to her
What does she think of me
That i’m not what I ought to be
That i’m what I turned out to be
It’s got to be somebody else’s fault
I can’t get caught
If what I am is what I am, cause I does what I does
Then brother, get back, cause my breast’s gonna bust open
The rib is the shell and the heart is the yolk yolk
And I just made a meal for us both to choke on
Every single night’s a fight with my brain…

I just wanna feel everything
I just wanna feel everything
I just wanna feel everything

So i’m gonna try to be still now
Gonna renounce the mill a little while and
If we had a double-king-sized bed
We could move in it and i’d soon forget
That what I am is what I am cause I does what I does
And maybe i’d relax, let my breast just bust open
My heart’s made of parts of all that surround me
And that’s why the devil just can’t get around me
Every single night’s a light, every single night’s a fight
And every single fight’s alright with my brain…

I just wanna feel everything
I just wanna feel everything
I just wanna feel everything
I just wanna feel everything”