Wired

orcrypt3Tomorrow I have an appointment with yet another therapist. I find it difficult to write poetry when I am stressed in this way. I can’t very well speak in metaphor during my appointment so I need to get my brain in conversational mode. That is why I have decided to tackle the alternative prompt and discuss my experience with the internet.

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As many of you already know I met Sam online. We lived 8000 miles apart, in areas not heavily frequented by tourists. The odds of us meeting without the internet were even slimmer than the nearly improbable circumstances that brought us together in the first place. For that reasons alone I am grateful for technology.

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I didn’t have a personal computer until 1999 but I remember when computers were introduced to our school library I suppose we had computers before for typing but I mean computers with internet capabilities. Until then all my research was done using the card catalog. We actually had to scour books for information! Old school research is I imagine something like archeology extremely tedious despite interest (well occasional interest not all research papers are fun). I had a Nintendo and my mom’s old Tandy. I wasn’t exactly cutting edge. My interest escalated when my friend got connected. She was able to talk to people from other parts of the world. More importantly Sweden. I had quite an acute interest in Sweden. I was saving up for money to visit convinced that my soul mate resided there (I was right).

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What was my life like before the internet?

High school started out pretty well for me actually. Middle school had been unexpectedly dramatic when I became oddly involved with the most popular boy in school. I was ready to leave that life behind. During the summer I had lost weight and updated my wardrobe (for the weight loss). I was practicing yoga daily and I felt happier and a little more confident than I had ever felt in any of my previous incarnations. You are absolutely mistaken if you think that my improved appearance was in any way a sign that I wanted to become popular. I had my one friend which was all I needed. I didn’t want to date the aforementioned popular boy had put me off romance. Unfortunately the fact that I was the prettiest I had ever been and ever would be was not much of a deterrent to would be suitors. I turned them all down. All I wanted to do was play My Little Ponies lol Seriously my friend and I got together after school and played like little kids. Parties? Drinking? Boyfriends? Pfft. Some time in the 9th grade I discovered Sylvia Plath and I started to read voraciously, a little later I discovered Arthur Rimbaud and I started to write.

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When I lost my only friend I became depressed, suicidally depressed. I had always spent all my time at home in my room (even with her we rarely left the house). I even ate meals in my room. Even being happier didn’t make me normally sociable. I talked to the pictures on my wall, I exercised, I rearranged the house regularly, I wrote, I read. That was my life. I can’t imagine that I would go out and seek human interaction if I didn’t have a computer. Truth is I never sought human interaction all that much. People are at times drawn to me but finding people who share an abiding connection is not easy. Online the freaks are out in full force lol I actually mean that in a good way. I started sharing my poetry which had been private outside of school assignments. I believe my writing has grown as a result of increased discipline and exposure. Skype allows me to see and talk with my mom who now lives 8000 miles away. The internet hasn’t been all bad. I don’t think I would be able to produce a book without it!

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The internet hasn’t been all good either. I have an avoidant personality and an obsessive one besides. That I have to wrestle with computer addiction shouldn’t be a surprise. I really could stay online all day and have done so. I have had periods where I am so consumed with writing (that is mostly what I do) that I have forgotten to eat, sleep, shower. When I used to chat (on groups for the mentally ill) I neglected my life and marriage. I no longer chat in real time. Even online I suppose I am slightly on the anti-social side but it helps me to stay a little more balanced. Getting caught in a fantasy or alternative world is very easy when you are severely Depressed and desperate for an exit from the pain this is you. I think many of use spend more than 2 hours online myself included. Yesterday Sam, Isadora, and I played Go Fish with actual cards. That’s important. Actual should comprise more of your life than virtual (call me old-fashioned and a hypocrite because I haven’t gotten there yet). The movie Wall-E is hauntingly prophetic.

Prompt 41 Consuming Impatience

sarolta-ban-surreal-4Today’s prompt is consuming impatience which let’s face it in today’s fast-paced gratification-driven society we experience way more often then we should. If you need to connect with the feeling just think back to the dark ages of dial up. When I first got the internet back in ’99 I spent more time waiting to establish a connection then I spent online surfing. I am the first to admit that I am impatient. When I know the time frame I am pretty tolerant even if the wait is long, it’s the not knowing that disturbs me the the most. Some more examples to contemplate

Waiting (traffic jams, doctor’s appointments, inconsiderate dates, waiting for a child to finish eating)

Listening (I love Sam and he is an interesting and highly amusing guy but he takes epic conversational pauses. Often I think he’s finished talking and wander off when he’s still buffering)

Assembling Ikea furniture (actually I love assembling furniture but Sam beats me to it)

Learning something new in a challenging area

You’re hungry and there’s no food in sight (this for me is the worst)

Lust

Tech support I have never called them as I’m married to the IT guy but I hear it is awful

Arguments

An alternative prompt

Consider what your life would be like without the internet. How would you fill your days? What would your social life look like? Would you be more isolated? Did you meet someone special/irreplaceable online that you might not have met? Would you exercise more? Do you spend an unhealthy amount of time online? Or do your friendships online keep you from certain destructive addictions?

Prompt 32 Bridge

elephant

This weeks prompt is Bridge

Here are some ideas for you to ponder

The internet allows us to speak to people from all over the world.

WordPress is a bridge linking creative people together

Architectural bridges that allow us passage from one location to the next

Those emotional/professional ties which bind individuals/organizations together

Supernatural bridges- bridges that lead us from this world into the next

Bridges between fantasy and reality

I think you get the idea =)

All forms of media are accepted

If you a feel a rating is necessary please provide one

There is no limit on length or number of submissions

Please read and comment to your fellow participants

There is no time limit for the prompt if you don’t manage to get your submission in “on time” (the prompts are changed on Sundays) then post it to the current prompt with a note as to what prompt you are responding to.