Sunday Confessionals : Answers

Photo by Oloriel: visit her HERE

Implacably Human

The dawn settles

pensive and oyster-shell pink

into the stinging arms

of another edge-less morning.

Each day I wake up

drifting from one

dream to another,

transparent and ubiquitous

like a jellyfish.

It was the lies

that caused the breach

not what those lies

sought to obfuscate.

It is always the lies

but no one gets that

they think

trust is lost

in the imperfections,

in the momentary cruelties.

We all lie.

When I say

I am certain

that is always a lie

because I never am.

I don’t know

means more

than pity anyhow.

I don’t know

is implacably human.


I want to hear

nice things.

I want to be

spoken to the way

a child speaks

when blowing off

the head of a dandelion.

I want the dusk

delicate and womb soft

to envelop me

but mostly it is the moon

that I want

tremulous, pock-marked, inconstant

to fill me

with her mournful, pink cries.


Music Friday Prompt #7 and Wordle 121

I do not wallow

However long I linger,

Hope still illuminates my circle.

What incentive have I to obfuscate

When you will only misunderstand?

We strike out, not against our own cliches

But against those who shine the mirror.

My heart strains and scatters.

I hitch my breath,

Words race past

My unmentionables.

If posed I cannot but answer.

Every corner of every room

Is filled with my story and yours.

Blood biting into the concrete,

Gossip is always indiscreet

Believe me when I tell you

That nothing makes sense.

Grey is the only philosophy

That encompasses the full spectrum

Of the human dichotomy.

If I struggle it’s only because

I have room enough to deliberate.

Nothing burdens quite like

The freedom of choice.

The ground beneath me

Buffering, the sky above me

Buffering, and your words

Are only abbreviations

Of conversations will never have.


My writing has been pretty crappy lately and for that I apologize. I am going through some heavy emotional stuff and that is about all I can say other than it seems to be taking all I have just to breathe.





Nothing of your heart is granted

Though I hold supposedly the key

The lock has calcified

Too much saliva

The extrication of old sutures

With an arthritic tongue

I know that you do not deny me

That you have set so many traps

Against intrusion that you

Have become morally wounded

And thus incapable of answering.


The door remains bolt upright.

Like the starched flesh of an ancient beast

We measure it as one measures

The universe with both

Trepidation and awe

Knowing that all we possess

Is infinitesimal in relation


A single breath is at times

All we can muster

And at times a triumph

Worth more than the printing press

If I could I would write of our love

But no one would believe it

It’s too fantastical and the blankness

Of the mirror disputes you

That’s the price of immortality

Banishment and we in the dark

With our bones worn and hollow

And nothing but

A pale blue handkerchief

To absorb the anguish


I did a reading but I am very shy and if anyone is at home with me I get very self-conscious so that’s why I sound distracted. Also I made a mistake I say mortally and not morally in the reading

Say Hello


I stand here fractured

From womb to sternum

Whilst you sheath your hands

Inside chagrined pockets

We never touch on departure

So I say to you hello instead


I am a well. I runneth deep,

Open-mouthed, and thirsty

I watch you pass above

Grey-hued and capricious

Fill me with your bones

With the calcified lightening

Of your heavenly intentions

Leave me not the relic

Of an exiled civilization

Leave me not to wonder

At the quantity of your love

Say to me now, as always, hello



There remains within me much that is unspoken

Swathed in superstition and self-loathing

A self that manifests in the absence of admission


I refuse to own these leathery wings

These wings which are not sired of heaven

But of red sulfurous earth

I will not offer my feathers to the sun

That I should be gifted them

Would be hope enough


I saw myself once in tempest

With my hair undone

And my eyes wild

With miscarried promises


I saw myself and decided

That she was unwelcome

I had more palatable excuses in mind

None of which need recognize

The depth of my delusions


I can’t sleep with the closet open

There is a portal within

Which both welcomes and expels

I can’t offer the wrong tea cup

Lest it contain some unseen poison

I must wish you a safe journey

Lest you never return

I must say I love you often

Lest you forget or worse die

With a less deserving message

I talk to myself no matter

Whose watching

And there is always someone



I cannot shake the belief

That pictures can see

So I turn them around with apology

Whenever I want to be alone

I cannot help but find coincidence

Suspicious and I am certain to find

Hidden meanings if I dismantle

Conversations under the disfiguring light

Of a predestined full moon

I know that I am not simply puzzled

Rather I cannot extract myself

From my mind and the obsessions

Which drive my heart out of sync


Sometimes I feel my soul free inside

As if my flesh were a yielding void

Into which I had posthumously retired

Sometimes I feel as if I were estranged

From my carcass and the dimension

In which life as I know it resides

Sometimes I feel unbalanced

A downward facing pendulum

Drifting from left to right

At an exasperating pace

And I know that I am

Not quite myself

No matter which way

I am positioned


(This is the part of myself I don’t like to talk about. I’ve been called a space cadet my whole life but it is rather worse than that I can’t seem to participate in this world or to remain in it long enough to do anything meaningful. I am very much in my head and if I didn’t live with someone, didn’t have that one attachment I would have likely ceased altogether. Even as I type this I feel my mind slipping and I can’t think what I mean to say. I talk out loud probably for fear that I will lose my thoughts I guess I think if I hear them out loud it might help me to remember them. Anyways I entertain whole conversations in my head I think I’ve had them in real life and leave it. Sometimes Sam finds out important information years later. Let me tell you that creates big misunderstandings and a lot of guilt sometimes. When I take meds they make me feel tired and more disconnected, feeling more disconnected then I already do is so damn terrifying I just snap completely hence my no med policy. Anti-anxiety meds I find to be the worst for making one feel unreal, so no matter how intense my anxiety I cannot take them.)