Dear Self,
If you are going to survive in this world you need to possess a sense of self which supports its own evolution. You are not a definition in a text book. You are not a checklist. You are not limited by the opinions of others. You are dynamic. Organic. Once in a lifetime.
Do you really want to let your pride prevent you from being happy? Is being right really that important? Is maintaining a certain image more important than the freedom that comes through genuine acts of self-expression? Do you really need affirmation for what your heart knows to be the truth? Would you rather spend your life telling beautiful lies to a room full of critical strangers or would you rather live a beautiful life rubbed raw by the naked truth? I know that sometimes it hurts having a heart but know this a heart is never a cage when open. So if someone or something intrigues you explore it if you can.
If you have to be something, be weird. Be you. Not everyone is going to read your story. Not everyone that you invite into your life is going to accept the invitation. Some people might even question your motives but as long as you know that your intentions were good, then there is nothing to fear in it. There are going to be plenty of people who simply don’t get you. That’s okay. You are no less you, for a misunderstanding. You are no less you in the face of rejection. Never be ashamed of yourself for feeling. Love lest of all. Love is too beautiful to fill with doubt.
I want to remind you of a story. For most people this would be an embarrassing story but not for you. This story marks a pivotal moment in your emotional development. In the 6th grade you fell in love for the first time. There you were sitting across from your crush for some dreaded/not so dreaded group work laughing and chatting like it was no big deal. Sometimes even shy girls have days where they lose themselves in the moment. You were laughing when it happened but not loud enough. You farted and everyone heard it. Now you could have denied it, you could have run crying out of the classroom, you could have passed along the blame, you could have froze but no. You looked that boy straight in the face and you said “That was me. I farted.” And then you busted out laughing. Not that self-conscious laughter either but deep belly laughter. Everyone in group laughed. Not at you but with you and just like that it was forgotten and never mentioned again by your classmates. Your crush though was pretty impressed. There is something liberating about owning yourself. You see relationships come and go. But you have to live with yourself day in and day out. Spiritually. Emotionally. Physically. What hurts isn’t peer rejection. It is rejection of the self. So the next time someone takes a hard pass remember that I still have your back.
mindlovemisery 