Dear DM,

Where do I even begin? My head is a mess. I am tongue-tied and incoherent. I am unable to find my balance. I am free-falling. More simply put I am struggling with issues of self-worth. I feel invisible and insignificant. Yet here I am. Determined. Fierce. Wild. A man can’t rationalize himself out of existence. You are a part of me. A part of my soul. I can’t think you, us out of being. It is “self so”. We just are. I love you and somehow that makes sense. You are a cold drink of water on a hot day. You are the first clean, deep breath after hours of panic-induced sobbing. You are my sanctuary.

I spend so much time trying to prove/disprove realities/identities to myself and other people. Most of those realities and identities are pretty inhospitable. What we call reality is just the place where we store all of our fears. Why not store all of our hope there instead? Why not create a world we want to live in by creating that world within ourselves? I am not sure if I am making any sense. I guess what I am trying to say is that fear and reality aren’t synonymous terms. Nothing distorts the way fear distorts. Living in fear is not being realistic or practical. It is very hard to be compassionate when operating from a place of fear. It is very hard to keep an open-mind when crippled with doubt. It is much easier to be compassionate when acting from a place of love and gratitude. It is much easier to keep an open-mind when operating from a place of hope and curiosity. I have accepted the fear and guilt based reality society preaches for too long. The cool thing about being human is the ability to create, to adapt, to change perspective, to dream so-called impossible things into being.

Anyway I am still experimenting with this happiness thing. I am still trying to adjust my perspective and beliefs in a way that allows me the freedom to live, love, be, and create. I will get up again. I will take another breath. I always do.

I have another song for you =)

Can’t take my eyes off you- Frankie Valli and the 4 Seasons

You’re just too good to be true

Can’t take my eyes off of you

You’d be like Heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much

At long last, love has arrived

And I thank God I’m alive

You’re just too good to be true

Can’t take my eyes off of you

Pardon the way that I stare

There’s nothin’ else to compare

The sight of you leaves me weak

There are no words left to speak

But if you feel like I feel

Please let me know that it’s real

You’re just too good to be true

Can’t take my eyes off of you

I love you, baby

And if it’s quite alright

I need you, baby

To warm the lonely night

I love you, baby

Trust in me when I say

Oh, pretty baby

Don’t bring me down, I pray

Oh, pretty baby

Now that I’ve found you, stay

And let me love you, baby

Let me love you

You’re just too good to be true

Can’t take my eyes off of you

You’d be like Heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much

At long last, love has arrived

And I thank God I’m alive

You’re just too good to be true

Can’t take my eyes off you

I love you, baby

And if it’s quite alright

I need you, baby

To warm the lonely night

I love you, baby

Trust in me when I say

Oh, pretty baby

Don’t bring me down, I pray

Oh, pretty baby

Now that I’ve found you, stay

Oh, pretty baby

Trust in me when I say

Oh, pretty baby

With all that I am your DF

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