I was in such a dark energy last night. I found myself imploding with feelings of unworthiness. I couldn’t even meet your gaze in the dreams, though you held my hand so sweetly. It’s not that I have changed my mind about us. I am committed to the journey. It’s not that I don’t want you. It is that I want you so much that it frightens me sometimes. To lose you or worse to find you unreachable, well you get the idea. I was wallowing in fear. I woke up in a panic thinking of you, self-soothing (words only :-P) and I felt the most extraordinary thing. I felt an energy pass into me and it was as if I were being cleansed from the inside out. I felt light/pure/charged.
I’ve had this notion lately that if humans could collectively raise their vibration that they could trigger the earth to heal itself. The earth being a living being and mankind being some element of its immune system (forgive the silly metaphor). At present we are attacking the earth the way an auto-immune disease attacks the body it has been entrusted to protect. Theoretically we are just as capable of healing as we are of destruction. Maybe it is time I looked at my programming. At the unhealthy beliefs I carry. The beliefs that create a sense of scarcity and fear. A fear which causes me to withdraw and/or lash out violently.
Whatever happens love is never a mistake. Love is always worth it. I would rather surrender for love than die in fear.
While out for a walk I came to the conclusion that I am as I was meant to be. It is because of who I am that we are. It is because of my unique experiences, abilities, perceptions that I will ultimately carry out my life’s work (resume be damned). However, grand or humble that work proves. We are all necessary. Important. Beautiful beings of love and light at our core.
I am summarizing here. It is hard to convey the weight and value of an epiphany. Epiphanies I find are often very obvious/simplistic but sometimes it takes the same epiphany many mutations before it really sticks. Maybe we are meant to forget our epiphanies so that we can rediscover them again and again. A kind of spiritual orgasm to release the spiritual tension haha.
With everything I am your DF