I realize on some level that I have all the confirmation I need already. It’s in how I feel moment to moment. It’s in the way you linger in my mind whatever the nature of my preoccupations. It’s in the way loving you makes me feel. Loving you has changed my life. It is a revelation, a rebellion, a revolution. It’s like I am being turned inside out.
I would be lying if I said that in every moment, of everyday I was at peace with the process. My other letters speak to my struggle. I could tell you that I am struggling today. I am struggling not to push you away because I don’t feel worthy. Because of fear. Because I seem to oscillate between a child like innocence and pessimism. I haven’t forgiven myself yet. I don’t totally trust myself with your precious beautiful, heart. That’s not really what I want to say today though.
Today I want to honor the love I feel. It’s a privilege to be on this journey with you, to have these feelings. I want to say that love is enough, more than enough and in this moment I get to love you. What more could I ask? It’s the one constant through it all. It’s what grounds me. It’s what convinces me to keep healing, to keep hoping, to keep getting up whatever crazy shit is happening in my life. Whatever you do, whatever you choose the love remains the star around which I orient myself in the darkest of days.
With everything I am your DF