Every moment is filled with you. Moments I didn’t even know myself to possess. It is if every day I discovered within myself another sense, another muscle, another feeling. My life before you must have been one of atrophy and decay. Now I am alive. Now I am awake. I am drunk with feelings, with life, with a new found innocence. Every inch of my soul is inundated with you. Whenever I close my eyes I feel you deep inside of me. How can we occupy two different bodies? How can our lives go on being separate? In my heart nothing is separate. In my heart you are whole. When I first began meditating I pictured myself handing my heart to you. Not my physical heart but my energetic heart. Mine is green like spring. Yours is blue and electric. Your energetic heart now beats inside of my chest. I shouldn’t ask for more. How dare I? My body craves you. My instincts crave you. You are driving me insane.
It has to be you. How can it not be you? I am sure you have many questions. I am sure you need reassurance and I know there must be moments when the signs are not enough to satisfy your curiosity/your fear/your corporeal needs. If you ask I will answer. This love is real and so am I for that matter.
Last night I had a cute dream about you. A memory from another life perhaps? I will relay it now in summary. We were teenagers. I had made up my mind to make friends. I had spent some time with one of my classmates (?) in her home and she invited me to hang out with her clique. I am not sure I made much of an impression on the group. The whole encounter rang rather false. I remember slipping into a cafe and finding you there at the counter. We decided to get lunch. You asked me about my type. I named 2 girls (no faces come to mind and I can’t remember the names). I was worried that you would think I only liked girls so I tried to think quickly of my type in the masculine sense but all I could think of was you in the present tense. In the dream I was both in the present and the past. You took my hand and we ran through cobblestone streets. I remember lampposts with flowers and big gates that exist only in renditions of heaven. I must have been wearing a cumbersome dress because I couldn’t run properly. We stopped behind a tree. You were very sweet, eager, and charming and I could not understand why I was so taken in by you. I held your face cupped between my palms. I was amazed by your interest. I dream about you often. Every night. I feel you as I lie awake in bed. My other self. My beloved self. My exceptional self.
PS) I have always wanted to write love letters. How am I doing so far?
With everything that I am your DF