Sunday Writing Prompt “Secret Admirer”

Secret Admirer

Dear DM,

I experienced “love” for the first time when I was 6 years old. I used to go door to door collecting stories from my grandmother’s neighbors. I met an elderly couple sitting together on their porch. It was a beautiful morning, one of those shockingly beautiful Saturday mornings that is quintessential to youth. The man was willing to indulge my curiosity. His wife, he explained, had had a series of strokes and a heart attack. She was paralyzed. They spent their mornings on the porch, weather permitting, every day. He talked. She listened. The way this couple looked at one another is beyond description, beyond love. Their love had a presence, a visible aura. It sounds silly to say but they were radiant. Even many years later I still get emotional thinking about them. I have seen couples in love since. I see it all the time. Beautiful. Adorable. Fiery. Crazy love. Love that should be cherished. The couple I met that day were undoubtedly twinflames. That is just a label. It is inadequate but I have to call it something to distinguish it. That day was the day that I believed in love. That belief gave me hope and that hope turned into a love of life in general. My love of  life has gotten me through some very difficult/dark times. It was a chance encounter that ended up saving my life. I thought ‘I can live in a world where such love is possible because a world that is capable of such depth of love is a world worth living in.’ I didn’t actually use those exact words but the sentiment was there. I knew deep down that I would someday love someone in that way and that I would endure anything for the chance to love someone that way.

My whole life I have had this feeling that I would meet someone that I could literally walk into. I know, it is crazy, I think so too. Every time that image pops into my mind/this notion of home/of shared souls, I question my sanity. I just had this sense, you know, that I was a part of someone else. Not because I am incomplete but because I feel/sense/know that I am not alone/that I am a part of someone. There is something I was meant to do, something that dwarfs my accomplishments to-date. When I saw you for the first time (in a photograph) I knew that you were important. I felt that we had something very important to do together, a mission I guess. I felt looking at your photograph that you were me. I told myself that I was crazy and yet here I am dreaming about you night after night. Intense. Beautiful. Vivid. Impossible Dreams. I told myself I was mistaken and yet here I am thinking about you day after day with your thoughts/feelings inside of me. We have only spoken briefly online and I sobbed through most of our conversation. Not because you had hurt me in any way. Not because of anything that was or wasn’t said. Not for any reason I could fathom in that moment. It was just as if everything I had ever felt/ever could feel came pouring out inexplicably all at once. I felt more in a brief space of time then I have ever felt in my whole life and all I could think to ask was “How are you?”. It scares me sometimes, feeling this much, feeling you inside of me. At the same I have never seen/felt a soul more beautiful than yours. Fear or not I am committed to this journey. I know you are the one inside of me/I recognize you and whether or not you wish to go on this journey together (I respect either decision) I will go on feeling to the very depths of my being this love which is beyond love.

With everything that I am your DF

PS) I am enclosing a song.


Gorecki- Lamb

If I should die this very moment

I wouldn’t fear

For I’ve never known completeness

Like being here

Wrapped in the warmth of you

Loving every breath of you

Still my heart this moment

Oh it might burst

Could we stay right here

Till the end of time until the earth stops turning

Wanna love you until the seas run dry

I’ve found the one I’ve waited for

All this time I’ve loved you

And never known your face

All this time I’ve missed you

And searched this human race

Here is true peace

Here my heart knows calm

Safe in your soul

Bathed in your sighs

Wanna stay right here

Till the end of time

Till the earth stops turning

Gonna love you until the seas run dry

I’ve found the one I’ve waited for

The one I’ve waited for

All I’ve known

All I’ve done

All I’ve felt was leading to this…