My therapist feels that I am strong enough to begin EMDR. On the one hand this is good news and I am proud of how far I have come, on the other hand, it means delving deeper into the trauma and that makes me feel vulnerable. Right now, in general, I am struggling with feelings of vulnerability which pertains to the surgery/lengthy recovery and other things as well which I am less able to pinpoint/articulate. After therapy Sam and I went to lunch and then to the mall for a look around which I managed quite well.
My wound is getting itchy and there is some scabbing now. There is still swelling, still soreness, still sensitivity in the lower abdominal region but I don’t feel it is interfering that much with my movement and after the walk today Sam feels my walking speed is normal. We took a 57 minute walk in the wooded area I mentioned. With the snow it was quite a beautiful, magical place (gave us that Narnia vibe). I am hoping to go to the grocery store either today or tomorrow. It will be my first time since having the surgery and although I won’t be able to assist in carrying the bags I can participate in the shop itself and it gives me a chance to get out of the house. So I’d say things are going well and I have to say that having a plan has really helped. Now that I feel better though I find myself more restless/impatient (so much I want to do). I am finding my skin is breaking out a little because of hormonal changes. I always had great skin growing up but pregnancy, birth control changed my skin the size of the pores, the texture etc. Provera had caused me to be very red in the face and so now I look deathly pale because I had become used to the hormonal flush. Whenever my hormones fluctuate I get spots and then it usually settles after a time and clears up without any need of intervention. I am quite obviously hoping it clears up soon.