“You’re not special enough. We are looking for someone with distinction, someone with a strong but vacuous presence. How many labels have you acquired? Did you bring your personalized glossary? Do suffer from independent thought? We can’t have you thinking, that would never do.”
“You have not suffered enough. We can’t assist you. Come back when you’re dead, better wait until decomposition starts and you’ve gone a little sour.”
“Did you say that you were real? We don’t work with anyone who hasn’t been under the knife. You must be tailored specifically to our aesthetic. I can see from here that you are not a factory model. Your skin is too supple and did you know that your breasts are natural? The breast must not yield on contact and under absolutely no circumstances should the nipple point south of the horizon. And please tell me that you brought a syringe, heaven forbid you should emote during business hours.”
“Did you say that you train? No that can’t be. Why you don’t even have a thigh gap and where is your 6 pack? From the looks of it you eat at least twice a day. I hate to ask this but do you eat carbs? You’ve got that doughy look. Have you ever considered lipo? I happen to carry an airbrush in my bag I can touch you up before you leave, we’ll straighten those curves right out!”
“Did you say that you had a mental illness? No that can’t be everyone knows that depressed people live underground and that they never, under any circumstances, get out of bed. Therapy isn’t for your kind. Now if you’ve had mediocre vacation recently I might be able to get you a few days of sick leave.”
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Accidentally posted my prompt here! The actual prompt is here
https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2018/08/05/sunday-writing-prompt-satire/
mindlovemisery 
wonderful writing
Ahh the darker side of life – and Satire – except, when the realities blur and the boundaries cross into the truth as it IS being lived.
These examples are just word-perfect spot on. And like good Satire, which is hard to actually write well, they do offer a slight chuckle, almost like a yelp\whelp, and a wry smile. And sometimes, if one is slightly off-beat (like me) you end up howling in laughter – which, well you’ve managed to do.
As for the laughter? It’s madness in essence escaping in the howl of murderous, pained intention contained in a spirit that just wonders at all of this crazy – a WTF? moment – for the truth that resonates, and runs blood fire in the veins of these words, even if they are just imagined scenarios.
Thank you so much Pat! I quite enjoy satire and I love sarcastic humor. The vacation one, I can say people do go to therapy over mediocre vacations! When I found that out it just blew my mind Pat, it blew my mind. Not bad vacations mind where a traumatic event takes place such as being mugged. I am talking just mediocre/easily dismissed stuff like the breakfast buffet didn’t have their favorite brand of cereal or some shit. I have been told by therapists that seeking therapy is a sign that I am well enough not to need therapy (in the States). And whenever I mention Depression doctors often say but you are able to get of bed so you are not depressed.. So it is a bit of fact and fiction. I watched a documentary on plastic surgery and young people are disgusted by natural breasts they prefer the basketball type and some young people want them to look as fake as possible.
it IS an insane world – well, maybe the world itself isn’t insane – but the people certainly are – at the very least, our reactions and emotions are, especially when you come across stuff like “mediocre vacations” … I mean THAT is mind blowing. Seriously?? Can’t get over the “disappointment” – then stay home – or better still, stop expecting all kinds of routine and rigidity! holy fuck!
As for perky and plastic breasts … well, yeah, that’s no surprise. Is it me, or does it seem to you, that for all of this “reclaim your power and selves “girls\ladies\women” business that it’s more than ironic that views, and “ideals” haven’t ACTUALLY changed??! That women themselves actually shoulder more than 3/4 of the responsibilities for their own crazy ideas and notions of what we “should” be, as opposed to what we “could be” (in terms of healthy possibilities” and as opposed to – just who we are.
It’s a mad mad world my friend.
Lots of tourists do this, they go to another country and they don’t want to try any of the local cuisine and they don’t want to venture off the beaten path and they don’t want to experience any culture whatsoever. Like why go on a vacation to another country? Why not just visit cities in your own country in that case or swap houses with a neighbor for the week? I do agree with you, women are terrible to each other and they buy the magazines and buy into those outrageous beauty standards and practically kill themselves to be that girl. The world is crazy really crazy
yup – I agree with you. It’s all really weird. And it’s a terrible cycle, to get so swallowed up, and end up forgetting to actually be grateful – that say, you can afford a vacation? or that life, for however hard it can and is sometimes, still holds all kinds of beauty, and wonder, to be discovered. Seems to me people are awfully bitter and too busy navel gazing to look up and actually SEE what’s there, and what is possible.
I agree Pat! I think gratitude is a huge thing and something we should all practice and something we should teach our kids rather than just demanding it of them which is part of why I think people get so bitter because they grow up being told of the sacrifices made on their behalf and often times with the undertone that they weren’t worth the trouble.
Wow, this is incredibly amazing. I’m in love with your writing style. Too good ❤
Oh wow thank so much!
My pleasure and I will be looking forward to your future writings ❤.
Satire… seems very much like bullying.
But then most satire is, especially if it is political.
I was just watching a type of sport show where a young man got away from being bullied by, well becoming and teaching ninja skills.
He even completed a very challenging course.
I understand that Jules it is not the most diplomatic approach and can make conflict resolution that much more difficult. I don’t believe in an eye for an eye type of justice system or that violence can be solved with more violence.I do, however, think that people should question and be encouraged to question. I also do not think it unpatriotic to stand up against a tyrannical leader or particular rules which promote injustice and inequality. For our purposes though what we write about can be totally fictional
Loved reading this. Satire is a mechanism that allows us to speak without dancing around the truth.