It has been a while since I have last updated you guys. I have also been incredibly inconsistent about writing/posting poetry. I don’t have any excuses so I am just going to jump in with the update.
My internship at the factory has been extended to the end of April. I really like my immediate boss aka the woman I work with everyday who tells me what to do haha. She is animated and funny. She is patient. And even when there is a rush on an order she never takes that stress out on me. I would love to work there if it meant I could continue to work with her. During my evaluation she was very positive. She is all for my internship becoming a job but I am still not sure if that is possible. While I don’t fully understand the reasons I think it boils down to money.
I commute to work via bus. The commute itself is around 30 minutes one way I think. After work I have 48 minutes before the next bus (though it is often late). There is a lot of down time. I don’t use my cellphone to view the Internet. Never have which is partly to do with a completely lack of interest in learning to use my cellphone beyond texts/calls and partly to do with not wanting to strain at a tiny screen. So I read instead. I have recently read 2 poetry volumes by Anne Sexton and 3 books by Jeff Noon (Pixel Juice, Nyphomation, and Automated Alice). I am currently reading “The Tibetan Book of the Dead” which is not at all light reading! I have also read a big chunk of the Okinawan Diet. So basically I have been reading instead of writing though given how much I am struggling to see the screen at the moment I am pretty sure I am going to have to take a break and give my eyes a rest.
I will be applying for Swedish citizenship (actually I have already initiated the process I just have to send in my application). At the moment I am a lawful legal permanent resident or some such thing. One of my biggest fears is being separated from my family. I am terrified to travel for fear I won’t have all the necessary documents. I realize this fear is largely irrational but I have had reoccurring nightmares about it for many years now. So I have decided enough I am just going to become a citizen. I am not sure how long it will take to get approved or even if I will be approved. I have some things going for me I am not a criminal. I am married to a Swedish citizen and have been for nearly 17 years. I have a daughter who is a Swedish citizen. I have lived in Sweden for the prerequisite time blah blah. I am just worried my low income will be an issue. Sam has a good job so it’s not like we have no income but I personally don’t earn much. Will see how it goes!
This week I have personally designated yoga week. Instead of my usual training I have been testing out different forms of yoga. My body was feeling really run down. Generally I am good for several months of regular/intense training. Then I hit my stride. I have tons of energy. My performance is better than ever before. I am stronger. I am faster. I am more coordinated. I am more confident. After the high comes the fatigue, the irritability, the sleeplessness. In the past I always pushed through this stage. The result? Repeated injuries and illness until my body just couldn’t do anything. I decided that this year when I see the signs of over-training I am going to heed them and give myself a week off to recuperate. My stress levels have been very high lately with my stepdad’s illness then death and my mom’s mental health so my body hasn’t been the picture of endurance. I took a recovery week in October. So it has been 4 months since my last one. I was terrified when I took my first recovery week. Honestly it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I didn’t gain weight. I didn’t fall off the wagon. I also didn’t get sick. I am at the end of my recovery week now this is the 6th day and it has been great spending sometime focusing on yoga. Not only do I feel like this experience will freshen up my morning yoga practice but I also discovered that I enjoy working with the chakras. I will definitely be incorporating that in my practice. My sleep has also really improved these last few days which I believe was partially responsible for my low energy during my workouts.
So how is my mom? I mentioned her and I figured I should update you. She plans to sell her house and move out of state. I remember how happy she was when she finally paid off the house. I remember watching the house being built. I remember growing up in the house. So it is a bit painful to know she is selling the house but I do get it. I even get that she wants to move and start over. The city she lives in now is not a good place for her right now, she has burnt a lot of bridges. Still I worry about her making so many changes at such an emotional time. She doesn’t have much of a support system right now but her sister has been helping out a lot and she would be moving away from that connection. I worry that she might get rid of all my stepdad’s things and not save any mementos and regret it later. She has also recently started talking about meeting up with a man she met on line. I have no objections with my mom dating or anything, I am just worried about her jumping into a new relationship too soon. She has never been alone before and I am worried that might be a factor. My mom is in her 50s btw so I wouldn’t be surprised if she would someday remarry. She is going to grief counseling which I am very happy about!
Last but not least! An update on Isadora my lovely 9 year old daughter. Isadora recently had an evaluation at school. She is in the 3rd grade btw. She is doing very well in English nearly at a 6th grade level but she is struggling a little with writing in English. She is also struggling with writing in Swedish so I would say writing in general. She has some issues with reading comprehension as well regardless of the language. In math she is having a little trouble with subtraction with borrowing and with multiplication tables after 4 but otherwise she is doing well. She is doing really good in science. In gym she is failing every single skill. Unfortunately she inherited my bad coordination. I don’t mean bad in the normal sense. It is bad enough that it might be developmental honestly. My coordination actually was a bit worse than hers because she has good fine motor skills she can draw, build with legos, do crafts, it is gross motor skills she is lacking. I had neither. Anyway I know what it is like to be the last in gym class. I know what it is like when the body doesn’t make sense at all. If anyone has any ideas or resources for a child with significant coordination difficulties let me know. I know kids can be awkward and clumsy when growing but everyone who sees her mentions this issue about poor coordination (including every gym teacher she has ever had) so it is something we need to work on. She has recently started a free dance class so I am hoping that will not only be fun but help her build up her gross motor skills.