Writing Prompt #197 “Special Collage and A World Apart 5″

marrow-fiend

I tried creating my character with the Sims. I am no artist and not very visual but I tried lol This character is creepy so you have been warned.

Character Name: Rhazien Sphynx
Nickname/Alias: Marrow-Fiend
Gender: male
Occupation: Collector
Location: Ragpicker’s Square Sigil
Alignment: chaotic neutral/evil
Birthday/Age: April 24th/28
Height: 6’3
Weight: 171 lbs
Body Type: athletic/lean
Hair (length, color, texture): about chin length, silver, thick, shaggy, silky
Eye Color: silver no pupil which gives him the appearance of blindness
Skin Color: white almost silver with no discernible pigmentation
Clothing: collectors wear a grey cassock like a monk, his favorite color palate is blue and silver though
Race: demon/human hybrid
Distinguishing Features: his eyes, his skin is so pale it is almost silver, he has the ability to morph and thus can take on a variety of unusual characteristics
Sexual Orientation: bisexual
Relationship Status: single
Children: none
Personality: Rhazien’s unusual situation has led to psychic fractures much like what you’d see in persons suffering with PTSD. He is unstable and chaotic. He is at war with himself, struggling to cage the demonic impulses within him. Sometimes the impulses win. Traits: impulsive, loner, intelligent (though not always articulate), intense, self-confident/assured, forceful, unfriendly, cold, rough even violent, he lives a pretty spartan lifestyle and when he does earn money he tends to spend it quickly on stuff for his workshop, dexterous, mechanically-inclined, curious about religion and religious people
Likes: marrow, bones, gadgets, firewine, Arborean pears, Absinthe, old books, libraries, cathedrals, graveyards (he only eats of the freshly killed it is just the peaceful aspect), rain, tools
Dislikes: pity of any sort, committed relationships (he’s a loner), stupid people, children
Motivation: There are times when they still wish to be autonomous/times when they fight with each other. To visit different lands. To be an inventor. His attraction to religion and religious figures may be a desire of his human half to be redeemed.
Strengths: Now that the fusion is complete he has an elongated lifespan and ages very slowly, regenerative capabilities, increased stamina, speed, and strength. He can use hallucinatory magics (just looking too long into his eyes can induce hallucinations). He has the ability to change his physical characteristics.
Weaknesses: His psyche is dangerously unstable. He is sensitive to sunlight and heat.
History: Rhazien’s parents are deep into black magics and they worship a demonic entity named Marrow-Fiend. Marrow-Fiend’s essence is trapped within a sealed amulet, his physical body long gone. When Rhazien is twelve his parents succeed in breaking the seals on the amulet and transfer the demonic essence into their son’s body. The powerful force nearly tears the teen’s body apart and fractures his soul. For a year Rhazien is unconscious, barely hanging on to life. His physical form transforms, taking on some of the demons original characteristics, a process which would be excruciating if not for the fact that the youth is comatose. A year later Marrow-Fiend awakens in complete possession of the youth’s body, Rhazien’s soul is but the faintest flicker. Marrow-Fiend kills Rhazien’s parents sucking the marrow from their bones. He continues to rampage for weeks in an attempt to regain his powers and strengthen his weak human form.

One day Marrow-Fiend comes across one of Rhazien’s soul fragments he doesn’t know what the object is and picks it up thinking he can pawn the pretty bauble for a bit of jink in the morning. When he wakes up the jewel is gone, unbeknownst to him it has been reabsorbed by his host. Having regained a piece of his soul Rhazien is stronger and regains consciousness. The youth is too weak to fight or communicate with the demon but he is aware (partially) of what is happening. More time passes and Rhazien grows stronger, strong enough to maneuver his body when the demon is in an unconscious state. He begins searching for his soul fragments while the demon sleeps and with each assimilation he grows stronger. While the demon is awake he can do little more than observe the demon’s behaviors. With time he gains an awareness of the demon’s thoughts and feelings. When Rhazien is around 24 he collects the last of his soul-fragments but the damage is done, he has witnessed too much horror and trauma and has been exposed too long to the demon’s poisonous ideology. Unable to defeat the demon, they become one. He takes a job as a collector, gathering up the city’s dead and delivering the bodies to the Mortuary for a bit of jink. He drains all the fresh bodies of their marrow but otherwise he mostly subsists on animal marrow.

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Pinch Me Wordle #142 and #143

Today I received my certificate! I am officially a Swedish citizen. The response was fast. I can hardly believe it.

Now onto to the unrelated poem. I have been too much in my head to write. Still I tried and for some reason I combined 2 of my wordles.

She comes and goes, a zenosyne,
ravaged by love and happenstance.
I need her, complications and all.
I reach out but her heart rolls away.

She is a voluminous contradiction
and within her my mad senses burn.
My scars grace her fingers and lips
she who laid them, can also forgive.

A frigid stroke of genius,
she turns the I against the self.
I accept these chains,
the shadow of overmorrow
decreasing the scope
of my good intentions.

I scream, a crack in the wall,
sutured but only just.
A blackbird scraps
the narrow aperture
of my receding gaze.

Once fallen I lose my grip.
I did not arrive only to settle.
I know she will leave me
with only morsels to follow
but still I come, again and again
like palinoia.

She dives halfway down
eyes cinched against the wind.
Her vintage dress rides up just so,
she is more wild than deliberate.

A pane, a pain, a reluctant pause.
Her grimy hands tug at my valuables
I give and she empties,
a chronic state of gall and wormwood.

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2017/02/20/wordle-143-february-20th-2017/
and
https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2017/02/13/wordle-142-february-13th-2017/

Getting back into the groove

Curious Flowers

Tuesday was my first workout after my week long yoga break. I was very excited to get back into a more rigorous training routine. Yoga has been enjoyable. I needed the pause. My flexibility has improved and I even got a few good night’s sleep out of it. I am sad to say that I am back to dreaming in excess though. I wake up feeling exhausted and I remain in this kind of hazy intermediate stage much of the day. Funny thing though I seem to be capable of inducing sleep in others. I don’t mean people doze at the sound of my voice. It’s just that when I am the bus there is a circle of people around me, dead asleep. Not just in the morning which is understandable but in the middle of the day as well. Only around me everyone else on the bus is awake…

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Wordle #268

286

Another brown day stripped
of all but the ligaments.
Must I remain here
sick with what ails me?

My prayers fall to the ground
like soldiers claimed by war.
I have bled my last albatross.
I have dreamed with and without fire.

I drag my fingernails across
your obligatory ghosts.
We met, diminished by artifice.
A smile carved of balsam and ash,
your body is my mourning stone.

I stitch doors into each of your palms.
Receive me with the equanimity of paper,
love me, punish me, punctuate me with ellipses.
I have only regret to lose.

(now to remember how to write!)

Update (long)

It has been a while since I have last updated you guys. I have also been incredibly inconsistent about writing/posting poetry. I don’t have any excuses so I am just going to jump in with the update.

My internship at the factory has been extended to the end of April. I really like my immediate boss aka the woman I work with everyday who tells me what to do haha. She is animated and funny. She is patient. And even when there is a rush on an order she never takes that stress out on me. I would love to work there if it meant I could continue to work with her. During my evaluation she was very positive. She is all for my internship becoming a job but I am still not sure if that is possible. While I don’t fully understand the reasons I think it boils down to money.

I commute to work via bus. The commute itself is around 30 minutes one way I think. After work I have 48 minutes before the next bus (though it is often late). There is a lot of down time. I don’t use my cellphone to view the Internet. Never have which is partly to do with a completely lack of interest in learning to use my cellphone beyond texts/calls and partly to do with not wanting to strain at a tiny screen. So I read instead. I have recently read 2 poetry volumes by Anne Sexton and 3 books by Jeff Noon (Pixel Juice, Nyphomation, and Automated Alice). I am currently reading “The Tibetan Book of the Dead” which is not at all light reading! I have also read a big chunk of the Okinawan Diet. So basically I have been reading instead of writing though given how much I am struggling to see the screen at the moment I am pretty sure I am going to have to take a break and give my eyes a rest.

I will be applying for Swedish citizenship (actually I have already initiated the process I just have to send in my application). At the moment I am a lawful legal permanent resident or some such thing. One of my biggest fears is being separated from my family. I am terrified to travel for fear I won’t have all the necessary documents. I realize this fear is largely irrational but I have had reoccurring nightmares about it for many years now. So I have decided enough I am just going to become a citizen. I am not sure how long it will take to get approved or even if I will be approved. I have some things going for me I am not a criminal. I am married to a Swedish citizen and have been for nearly 17 years. I have a daughter who is a Swedish citizen. I have lived in Sweden for the prerequisite time blah blah. I am just worried my low income will be an issue. Sam has a good job so it’s not like we have no income but I personally don’t earn much. Will see how it goes!

This week I have personally designated yoga week. Instead of my usual training I have been testing out different forms of yoga. My body was feeling really run down. Generally I am good for several months of regular/intense training. Then I hit my stride. I have tons of energy. My performance is better than ever before. I am stronger. I am faster. I am more coordinated. I am more confident. After the high comes the fatigue, the irritability, the sleeplessness. In the past I always pushed through this stage. The result? Repeated injuries and illness until my body just couldn’t do anything. I decided that this year when I see the signs of over-training I am going to heed them and give myself a week off to recuperate. My stress levels have been very high lately with my stepdad’s illness then death and my mom’s mental health so my body hasn’t been the picture of endurance. I took a recovery week in October. So it has been 4 months since my last one. I was terrified when I took my first recovery week. Honestly it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I didn’t gain weight. I didn’t fall off the wagon. I also didn’t get sick. I am at the end of my recovery week now this is the 6th day and it has been great spending sometime focusing on yoga. Not only do I feel like this experience will freshen up my morning yoga practice but I also discovered that I enjoy working with the chakras. I will definitely be incorporating that in my practice. My sleep has also really improved these last few days which I believe was partially responsible for my low energy during my workouts.

So how is my mom? I mentioned her and I figured I should update you. She plans to sell her house and move out of state. I remember how happy she was when she finally paid off the house. I remember watching the house being built. I remember growing up in the house. So it is a bit painful to know she is selling the house but I do get it. I even get that she wants to move and start over. The city she lives in now is not a good place for her right now, she has burnt a lot of bridges. Still I worry about her making so many changes at such an emotional time. She doesn’t have much of a support system right now but her sister has been helping out a lot and she would be moving away from that connection. I worry that she might get rid of all my stepdad’s things and not save any mementos and regret it later. She has also recently started talking about meeting up with a man she met on line. I have no objections with my mom dating or anything, I am just worried about her jumping into a new relationship too soon. She has never been alone before and I am worried that might be a factor. My mom is in her 50s btw so I wouldn’t be surprised if she would someday remarry. She is going to grief counseling which I am very happy about!

Last but not least! An update on Isadora my lovely 9 year old daughter. Isadora recently had an evaluation at school. She is in the 3rd grade btw. She is doing very well in English nearly at a 6th grade level but she is struggling a little with writing in English. She is also struggling with writing in Swedish so I would say writing in general. She has some issues with reading comprehension as well regardless of the language. In math she is having a little trouble with subtraction with borrowing and with multiplication tables after 4 but otherwise she is doing well. She is doing really good in science. In gym she is failing every single skill. Unfortunately she inherited my bad coordination. I don’t mean bad in the normal sense. It is bad enough that it might be developmental honestly. My coordination actually was a bit worse than hers because she has good fine motor skills she can draw, build with legos, do crafts, it is gross motor skills she is lacking. I had neither. Anyway I know what it is like to be the last in gym class. I know what it is like when the body doesn’t make sense at all. If anyone has any ideas or resources for a child with significant coordination difficulties let me know. I know kids can be awkward and clumsy when growing but everyone who sees her mentions this issue about poor coordination (including every gym teacher she has ever had) so it is something we need to work on. She has recently started a free dance class so I am hoping that will not only be fun but help her build up her gross motor skills.

Wordle #140 “January 30th, 2016”

Week 140.png

My chest tightens, a deadbolt,
a sparrow rearranged in kudoclasm.
The nature of my misgivings
is as deep and voluminous as the story of man.
Who will seek me out
when I wed myself to darkness?

I slip into the periphery.
Electrified and abridged,
I bare my teeth at the sight
of your upturned heels.
There is no mercy to be found
between tricksters and thieves.
Who will bare my pain
when I fall absent?

Shafts of sunlight break over my naked heart.
I dream of aberrations, of waiting in silence
for possibilities that never fully appear.
Who will hear my screams
when they catch at the corners of my eyes?

I somaticize the intellectual,
the proverbial scraps
of a limitless unknown.
The promise of anything
less than absolute
does not diminish my grip.
Who will love me
in the wake of exposure?