Where Are You?

I am still alive despite my disappointing lack of posts. Now that I have started writing this I have forgotten what it is I intended to say. I am in a state of dormancy so to speak, it’s not so much that I lack ideas it is more like I am processing the experiences I have gathered. I have always been very slow to process things, particularly when the things I am trying to process involve social interactions. My caseworker is back from vacation and back on my case. She is sending me regular emails and it is quite tedious having to carefully translate everything I want to say. It sometimes takes me several days to respond to an email because it is very important that the emails I send her are clear and concise. I am not clear or concise so this type of writing goes against my very nature.

We are still working on the remodel, life is messy. We have finished all the base painting (actually Sam has because he won’t let anyone help). He is now working on the stencils but stenciling takes a long time and they are extremely tedious to clean. Over the weekend we went to a Medieval festival and the weekend before we were at market/small carnival so it hasn’t been easy finding time.

Sam has been to the doctor about his throat. The doctor thinks it might be related to the gland fever he had as a teenager. I am not sure if they will remove his tonsils or not.

Isadora is back at school. She was actually sick the first two days of school and had to stay home. She has just started with music class and is very excited. They had stopped officially offering music at school so we have had to pay for this particular class. She gets to take home a different instrument every 3 weeks to practice on and gets special one on one instruction with a music teacher. There is only one other girl in her class in the program so she will get plenty of attention. She brought home a guitar yesterday and she is over the moon about it. Yesterday was also the day of her parent teacher conference. She is doing awesome. The teacher only had nice things to say.

Now on to the hard part. The bit I can’t process mentally.

As you know my mom has returned to my stepfather. Since she has come back he has had heatstroke and pneumonia. Most recently he fell and hurt his leg. Nothing was broken despite a lot of pain. After the first fall he became less steady and fell again in the bathroom, this time fracturing his leg. When the doctor X-rayed the leg they found a concerning shadow/mass/blob. The doctor thinks it might be bone cancer. He is going to see a specialist on Thursday. Cancer runs in his family. All of his 8 siblings have had cancer, multiple types, including bone cancer. My mom took care of his brother who had bone cancer (and other types) and so she knows very well what that entails (she also took care of his sister and other brother). The pain his brother went through I would not wish on even the most violent criminal, it was horrible. It was really hard on my mom because she was his primary caregiver the one he trusted the most and the one who ultimately decided when it was time. I hate to think of her going through that again. Her friends and family are still against her, she has no support. I do not know if my stepdad would go through treatment if it would be cancer, I think it unlikely. My stepdad is a very independent man. He doesn’t want to be a burden. When I talked to him on the phone he was completely composed except when he mentioned the walker (he can’t walk without one and needs to be monitored when using it). After his hip operations he was up and walking right away, the doctor was shocked at how fast he recovered and just got on with things. Only now he is recovering very slowly every time he gets ill and it is very hard on his morale. I am not close to my stepfather exactly. We don’t talk very much (he doesn’t talk much anyways) as we are both morbidly shy. We don’t have much in common really and he is old enough to be my grandfather. Still he is a much much better father than my own father and he loves my mom. I love him. They have been able to get him into the VA hospital and his medicine is now free. That is huge relief because my mom does not have a job right now and isn’t exactly in a position to obtain one all things considered. I have no idea what will happen. I wouldn’t even know what outcome to wish for or which outcome would be the best. I don’t know anything.

When I am processing I create characters. So between my have toos, I am playing the Sims. I do have some creepy profiles too if anyone wants to read them.

I will be going on hiatus for a bit, which doesn’t mean I won’t post or write at all but that I will likely be away lot and posting very irregularly.