Wordle Special Addition Touch “August 29th, 2016”

Touch Wordle

We are only tangible in defect.
Each tear jettisoned
more malleable than the precedent.
Make of me what you will
but do not accuse me of deception.

Your rigid, self-deprecating smile
unravels against my lips.
The cleft in your heart,
a highway barbed on both sides.
I graze at your desultory borders.

You are angular in a sheath of satin,
feverish beneath sodden sheets,
I draw your hand to my cheek,
rough as a pumice stone.
You weather me as the sea
weathers all objects of diversion.

A viscous symbiont,
prickly with anticipation.
I feed on scars and deliberations,
the waxy carapace
of the primitive and conceptual.

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Where Are You?

I am still alive despite my disappointing lack of posts. Now that I have started writing this I have forgotten what it is I intended to say. I am in a state of dormancy so to speak, it’s not so much that I lack ideas it is more like I am processing the experiences I have gathered. I have always been very slow to process things, particularly when the things I am trying to process involve social interactions. My caseworker is back from vacation and back on my case. She is sending me regular emails and it is quite tedious having to carefully translate everything I want to say. It sometimes takes me several days to respond to an email because it is very important that the emails I send her are clear and concise. I am not clear or concise so this type of writing goes against my very nature.

We are still working on the remodel, life is messy. We have finished all the base painting (actually Sam has because he won’t let anyone help). He is now working on the stencils but stenciling takes a long time and they are extremely tedious to clean. Over the weekend we went to a Medieval festival and the weekend before we were at market/small carnival so it hasn’t been easy finding time.

Sam has been to the doctor about his throat. The doctor thinks it might be related to the gland fever he had as a teenager. I am not sure if they will remove his tonsils or not.

Isadora is back at school. She was actually sick the first two days of school and had to stay home. She has just started with music class and is very excited. They had stopped officially offering music at school so we have had to pay for this particular class. She gets to take home a different instrument every 3 weeks to practice on and gets special one on one instruction with a music teacher. There is only one other girl in her class in the program so she will get plenty of attention. She brought home a guitar yesterday and she is over the moon about it. Yesterday was also the day of her parent teacher conference. She is doing awesome. The teacher only had nice things to say.

Now on to the hard part. The bit I can’t process mentally.

As you know my mom has returned to my stepfather. Since she has come back he has had heatstroke and pneumonia. Most recently he fell and hurt his leg. Nothing was broken despite a lot of pain. After the first fall he became less steady and fell again in the bathroom, this time fracturing his leg. When the doctor X-rayed the leg they found a concerning shadow/mass/blob. The doctor thinks it might be bone cancer. He is going to see a specialist on Thursday. Cancer runs in his family. All of his 8 siblings have had cancer, multiple types, including bone cancer. My mom took care of his brother who had bone cancer (and other types) and so she knows very well what that entails (she also took care of his sister and other brother). The pain his brother went through I would not wish on even the most violent criminal, it was horrible. It was really hard on my mom because she was his primary caregiver the one he trusted the most and the one who ultimately decided when it was time. I hate to think of her going through that again. Her friends and family are still against her, she has no support. I do not know if my stepdad would go through treatment if it would be cancer, I think it unlikely. My stepdad is a very independent man. He doesn’t want to be a burden. When I talked to him on the phone he was completely composed except when he mentioned the walker (he can’t walk without one and needs to be monitored when using it). After his hip operations he was up and walking right away, the doctor was shocked at how fast he recovered and just got on with things. Only now he is recovering very slowly every time he gets ill and it is very hard on his morale. I am not close to my stepfather exactly. We don’t talk very much (he doesn’t talk much anyways) as we are both morbidly shy. We don’t have much in common really and he is old enough to be my grandfather. Still he is a much much better father than my own father and he loves my mom. I love him. They have been able to get him into the VA hospital and his medicine is now free. That is huge relief because my mom does not have a job right now and isn’t exactly in a position to obtain one all things considered. I have no idea what will happen. I wouldn’t even know what outcome to wish for or which outcome would be the best. I don’t know anything.

When I am processing I create characters. So between my have toos, I am playing the Sims. I do have some creepy profiles too if anyone wants to read them.

I will be going on hiatus for a bit, which doesn’t mean I won’t post or write at all but that I will likely be away lot and posting very irregularly.

Wordle Special Addition Scent “August 8th, 2016”

Scent Wordle

I pluck the sunshine
from your hair-
redolent and chaffing-
I inhale until it burns.

We sit perpendicular to each other,
hearts partially open.
You hang your lips from my ear
this is how it all begins
with a whisper.

The scent of peppermint
crouches between your lips.
You are pure, antiseptic, a dream
within a bouquet of glass.

The exhaust of exsanguinated stars
lingers on your skin, the musk of angels,
of jasmine and sulfur.
You have eaten of the heavens,
of her fruits fertile with incense.

We stand, unremitting, around a fire
an acrid smoke creeps into our clothing.
The earthy fetor of the rain-sodden dirt
trampled down by our indignation.

The scent of coffee,
of sheets sudor-wept
steadies my pulse.
Morning wakes with us,
slips from our fingers
as soon as we open the door.

I always get a little scared to write when I haven’t done so in awhile. I started this one a week ago but I just could not get it. I am not sure if I ever did get it but I gave it go.

Some Not So Exciting Photos

Old Storage Room

So here is how the storage closet was right after they removed the furnace. The paint looks bad, there are pipes coming out of the ceiling, there is literally a hole through the wall to the outside. We did not change the concrete floor because it is a storage closet where we store weed whackers and such so it didn’t really make sense, we just sealed it. In this photo our stuff has been removed and in the new photos it has been restored.

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Hubby built some new shelves with some old doors, aka the lighter colored shelves. At the moment we are storing all of our paintings and family photos there because we haven’t hung anything. We also have tons of packing boxes. In the huge Rusta box is all our daughter’s old school books, work, and art which I just organized today. Though you don’t see it the baseboard was fixed. We’ve also mounted our rakes, weed whacker, and winter shovels woot! The other shelves has like our Christmas stuff, including our sad plastic tree that actually might be older than we are. Sewing machine, fabric, some empty product boxes lol So now you see our clutter. We have another closet with sport stuff, not that we have much of that.
And here are the new lights in the hall (4 identical ones)! The hall is not finished or even started except for the lights and removing the baseboards because Sam has a stomach virus.

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Busy Bee

House is in a state of upheaval at the moment. We are working on the storage closet which means everything had to come out. The laundry room is a disaster and I wonder how I am going to do any laundry this weekend (we need it too). We have painted. We have put up the base boards including adding additional baseboard where it was missing which we found in the attic (they left wood in the attic for my husband encase we would need it, they also left us some lights, curtain rods, blackout shades, a ladder, rakes, a water hose, a lawnmower, a large storage unit, various things for Sam in the garage, and all the appliances). We have put up the old shelves, properly anchored now. The shelves had actually been very loose I am surprised our shit didn’t just fall down! We have started with the second shelving unit, the brackets are up. Sam is making the shelves out of our old doors. Our in-laws had a surplus of doors and those were nicer than the ones we had so we used them (not enough for all doors though just a few). Anyhow aside from the shelves we have to replace the lights. We will be replacing the lights in the storage closet with the ones from the hallway. There is problem with the lights, however, the originals that came with the house are old and they…well I don’t understand but we have to buy some extra stuff to make modern lights hang on the ceiling.

So there is that. We have also officially decided to redo the hallway. We bought the beautiful floor, we bought the pink paint, we bought the horrifically expensive stencil (why so expensive?). The lights came in as well but again we can’t put them up without the stuff. We also discovered in removing the baseboard we will probably have to replace them. They are from the 70s and have been removed countless times for painting and such so they are pretty worn out. We didn’t expect that but that is how it turned out.

Did I mention I love my house!

Tomorrow’s also my mom’s birthday.

 

Update!

I keep telling myself that I am going to update you guys on my happenings but I keep procrastinating! As a result this post is going to be completely random and disorganized.

My mom has returned home but I don’t know anymore than that. She hasn’t really been keeping contact. I get the feeling and it really is just my own intuition that she is feeling very guilty, depressed, and resigned.

The furnace has been installed. We can take baths! We also finally got the bills. The electrical bill was outrageous. The removal of the old oil tank was handled very well. The workers were punctual, extremely fast/efficient, and the price was as advertised. The price of the furnace and the installation was lower than we expected, by a lot. The cost of the actual furnace was much less, which was a huge relief. Even with the unexpected bomb of the electrical bill it still came in like 32,000 kr less than we planned.

We are now thinking of putting those savings to use on repairing a rather expensive car issue.

We are also planning to renovate the storage room where they took out the old tank. Hubby has already repaired the holes in the wall from the removal of the tank and sealed the concrete floor. But we have also decided to give it a fresh coat of paint and put up some new shelves. The oil tank was enormous so we have lots of extra storage room now. Granted we don’t have all that much to store but it will certainly make things more roomy/organized.

We also have plans to redo the hallway. We have ordered some new lights for the ceiling, very gorgeous. We have found the perfect floor. Unless he changes his mind, hubby has decided to go with pink for the hallway and again he will do some stenciling. We will paint the hallway instead of using wallpaper because the hallways has weird fiberglass wallpaper that can’t easily be removed (actually it is easier to take out the walls than remove the shit). If we go through with that I will take pictures of the completed job. I can also take pictures of the storage closet for shits and giggles. We are just going to be using the leftover paint from the upstairs living room to paint it, rather than buy new paint.

We want to paint the inside of the house with bright colors to offset the long, dark winters.

We have decided not to paint the house this year. The weather is so iffy and we are running out of warm days. We haven’t planned well-enough and it is such a huge project for just the two of us. Hubby has decided he will not ask for help with the house painting. Since I have acrophobia that limits how much I can do and I feel it will be too much work for the hubsters.

I still can’t bring myself to contact my caseworker after our last disastrous meeting several months ago. I am really stressed out about the whole situation. I am interested in taking on more employment so I must contact her but it is proving very difficult for me at the moment. Once I am working I am good but getting a job, self-marketing, bureaucracy it’s just beyond me.

Also I am thinking of trying meditation.

I am sorry about he lack of writing. Honestly, it boils down to poor time management. Even though I have the luxury of time, I still do not seem to have enough time to do everything that I want to do. Where does all the time go?

Writing Prompt #171 “Collage 27”

Collage 27

I do not adhere
to your notions of winter.
I am neither spring nor fall.
I am not even summer
despite the diaphanous flames
that rise from my lattice-work like a mirage.

You cannot reduce me to lunar cycles.
You cannot collect me as a novelty.
You cannot determine me
divine me, grasp me without explicit consent.

I am not strange, only curious.
Serpent, apple-peddler,
do not tempt me with your wares.
I have seen and tasted much
and although I still hunger
I will not eat.

I could have loved you
in any conceivable way
it was normalcy
that failed us
the terrible need
to belong together
when we do not even belong sole.

My god the flowers are grinning,
swollen genitals obscene with pollen.
If only I was more audacious,
but I do not even have the nerve
to hear myself out.

None of these identities suit me
each one more beige than the next.
And the face in the mirror
is as vague as it is hideous.
Being her is exhausting,
all that swallowing and seething.
Who will mourn me when she has gone?

Quick write. I am very sleepy so I am sure there are some typos and grammatical errors I have overlooked.

Morning Song

The first poem in Ariel by Sylvia Plath. I am having issues with allergies and I can’t breathe that well so I am sorry if it sounds more nasal than usual. This poem was harder to read for me in general.

Wordle #257

257

The warmth leaves my fingers,
as if it were laughter.
What is this nothing
into which I empty
my wit daily?

The bird in my breast
grows fat on a quilt of stars.
Who dares make a wish
when the twinkle has fallen
from my eye?

Let me weep in abject silence,
salt is the sole spice in my repertoire.
If only I could lift the music
from these moonstruck pages
that alone would suffice.

How can I claim reason
in this habitual state of shock?
A sigh is the heaviest
of all sentiments,
when I reach the bottom
I promise only to dig.

A Birthday Present

Alright I have a poetry reading for your guys today! I am reading A Birthday Present by Sylvia Plath. If you enjoy it I will read the whole book to you, poem by poem. This poem is from Ariel a book I found very inspirational. I am not much an actress so my readings are flat and my god that Southern accent *twitches*