The Disappearance of Sanity

I have accepted the training program at The Unemployment Office, it will provide me with a minimal income and hopefully lead to future employment. It is 4 hours a day but with the bus schedule as it is, if I can’t get any leeway, it will be more like 6 hours. I am not a flexible person and my time management skills are atrocious no matter what I do I am going to lose several hours to the great, untenable void that is Dissociation. Will I be left with enough time for my other responsibilities? At the moment I am just not certain if I can pull it off but it is presumably possible, as I was a student. The course starts this Monday and thus it may take me time to get my bearings. I still haven’t managed to reestablish my routine as is, February was a horrendously busy month. I am also worried about therapy because I am not certain I can ask for every other Friday off and I don’t see how I can do both given the distance between the locations and the horrifically long wait traveling by bus entails. My therapist’s hands on methods make me wonder if Skype would even be a possible compromise. The course runs for many months. I can’t skip therapy for several months. On another note while I was in the throws of mute hysteria on the bus (where I am nearly deaf btw) I received a call from the doctor, it seems that they messed up my Pap Smear and have to do it again. An appointment I now have no time to make (the woman’s clinic I go to is also very far away from where I take my job training).


20 responses to “The Disappearance of Sanity

  1. Life is seldom convenient. Hopefully, this is a pot hole filled street on the way to better things. The alternative is the job with training will provide characters you never thought of for future stories.

  2. Okay …. breathe breathe breathe … right. One step at a time …. and since you have some pretty significant health issues and priorities that need your absolute attention, then … well …. try to consider that when things crop up. It can be such a pain in the ass when having to manage all kinds of stuff …. but you know …. you’ve done stuff like this before …. yes …. college …. and it’s not easy being on foreign soil and trying to adapt etc. but one step at a time. And if you can make all of it work together …. as in unemployment understands therapy and therapy has a say in unemployment etc. etc. then perhaps, despite it being a “one size fits all” – then there might be room to slide sideways here and there.

  3. I posted a meme this morning “Next time I lose my mind, I am not even going to bother looking for it”. I am going through such a stressful time in my life I have told myself “feeling normal” is not happening. I had some light headed ness recently and have trained myself to sit down. When I get PTSD attacks really bad my body reacts without my permission. I saw Remanent and threw up a tiny bit in the parking lot when I first sat in the driver’s seat. My RX is always more laughter (even at ourselves)

    • That is a great statement! That sounds like a healthy attitude honestly, and I wish you the best in your struggles. PTSD manifests in very physical ways for me as well and if I don’t take the hint I always end up making myself sick which in turn adds to the stress. Thank you for your encouragement I will do my best to take care of myself and to listen to my body

  4. Just remind yourself of all the other instances that you thought unworkable or impossible that turned out okay in the end. It’s the end-game that needs your focus rather than all the obstacles in the middle. Everything always works okay in the end.

  5. The timings do seem a little tricky, but I have great faith in you and am rooting for you!
    Don’t think it is easy for anyone to jump into these, and don’t scold yourself if things get a little hectic and you don’t manage to handle everything as perfectly as you wanted! Stay strong and keep going! Hugs!

    • It is a little tricky Swedish not being my first language and everyone else being well Swedish. I have to look up words in the reading materials and I miss some things as well but I am trying!

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