A half sigh of relief

Yesterday was the day, the day I have been dreading for two weeks now. First off I met with my caseworker at the Unemployment Office for a job training interview. I think it went as well as it could go. If I get the job my hours would be irregular. I might work 8 hours one day, be off 2 days, and then work 4 hours. I would be paired with another worker and together we would be cleaning elderly people’s homes. One day might be as simple as cleaning a bathroom, the next cleaning up after a move. The main issue to getting this job is that when no cleaning jobs are available the worker’s sew in order to make up their hours. I can’t sew and I mean not even a button on a shirt and I suck with scissors. I have never even used a sewing machine. Sam is going to train me a little at home beforehand so I won’t be starting from scratch (I mean I will but let’s face it I am below scratch now). I might not even get the job but there isn’t any harm in learning to sew either way. I won’t know anything for 2 weeks.

I also went to the Gynecologist today which is an unpleasant experience. I saw a nurse, my appointment was all of 10 minutes, so no time for questions or to discuss the surgery I had in August. Basically they wanted to check if they had gotten all the abnormal cells. Obviously I don’t know the results yet but I have found the Swedish health care system very uninformative in general. They will send a letter that either says everything was Normal or the results were Abnormal come in for surgery (there is no discussion). I have no idea what degree of dysplasia they found before. I have no idea how serious or how minor the findings were They didn’t do blood work and they didn’t remove much (unlike the first time where they removed quite a lot). Anyhow I have to come in again on Feb. 10th for a breast exam. I have fibrocystic breasts. I actually have multiple sized bras because sometimes I can gain a cup from swelling and cysts, seriously. My breasts hurt all the time, always have done and with so many lumps in there already it can be a little complicated. Lately though my left breast has been weird. It started with a cyst under the nipple, rather large and in general more noticeable. The cyst is gone now. But that same breast has been itchy and Sam noticed some clear discharge from the nipple. That concerned me because I have never had discharge from my breast ever. The breast looks the same though, the nipple everything it looks perfectly normal but still I think I ought to go in have it checked out. I am quite nervous really. I get very nervous when it concerns my lady parts more so than with other things, I guess it makes me feel very vulnerable.


16 responses to “A half sigh of relief

  1. You are a very brave woman. Me, I haven’t been to the gyno for decades (not that I’ve been sexually active, or is that too much information?). A gyno exam is not only painful, it’s almost like — dare I say it? — it feels like rape, at least to me. Good luck and stay strong. 🙂

    • TMI doesn’t bother me I never know myself what is too much haha It is horrible and it can be uncomfortable it depends on the doctor some are quite aggressive, others careful. You can’t really get around the pain from a biopsy or a surgery though. Because of my history of sexual abuse I find them very traumatic and I can’t relax

    • I think so too but I am scared. I have never had a mammogram actually (they don’t usually do those until you hit 40) I am not sure if they will do one but it seems painful to flatten a boob filled with cysts yikes!

  2. I’ve said it before, Yves, but it’s so unfair hat they tell you so little of what is going on. Apart from attending to physical needs, they should be aware of the psychological and emotional impact keeping information from patients has.
    It’s perfctly natural to feel fear and alarm going through investigations and to have the added worry of the job situation so unfair in the midst of it all.
    The sewing as the other side of the cleaning seems a bizarre combination.
    All the best with both the work and the medical care. Sending positive vibes.x

    • It is very troubling to me, I don’t blindly trust authority figures and I have met enough incompetent doctors to feel suspicious. I am not sure what to do about it though, while I can protest they make it hard and with foreigners especially they simply pretend not to understand. Everyone in Sweden can speak English except doctors, which is kind of suspicious in and of itself but they also feign not knowing Swedish even with my husband who is Swedish! It is bizarre, I am not object to sewing I just don’t know how to do it, so I have to see how it goes haha

    • I just got a notice in the mail for another exam which makes no sense because I was in their yesterday for the exact same exam and it seems inconceivable that they could have processed my results in less than 24 hours. That just worries me more, even if it is a clerical error. Please go in and get it checked!

  3. good luck with getting the job… I hate doctors.. especially gynos… I wish you luck with the breast exam and that the discharge is nothing to be concerned about.

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