There is a lot going on right now and I don’t even know where to begin this update!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the eye doctor. I am nervous. Since I moved to Sweden I have noticed a marked decrease in my vision so we are looking at about a 5 year period here. I am not 100% sure if these numbers are accurate I think so obviously or I wouldn’t share them.

First Exam (vision pretty good)

L 20/40

R 20/25

Second Exam (perhaps 2 years later)

L 20/200

R 20/40

Emergency Eye doctor visit

I had noticed some concerning greyness in my visual field. There was a lot of weird shaking going on and my eyes felt very dry. At this time my eyes were so bad I couldn’t even read the E! I had severe eye exhaustion and I was told to wait, rest my eyes and then schedule another exam.

Third Exam

L 20/400

R I am not sure I can’t remember

Anyhow this continuous (and to my mind sizable) drop has started to make me paranoid. I am now entering a phase of eye exhaustion and that is why I am not really online right now because I have an appointment coming up. I believe my vision has decreased. Everything is greyish. I need tremendous amounts of light to see (light doesn’t hit my eyes properly) and I am very dependent on my glasses. I used to hate wearing glasses but I am feeling quite insecure without them now. Poor vision is a common issue in my family but I never had any significant issue till my late 20s (I mean except having lazy, crossed eyes). Now it is just going so fast, it is freaking me out and I can’t help but remember an eye doctor when I was 5 saying I could possibly go blind in my adult years. I hope I am remembering these numbers wrong. I really do because with drops like these I can’t keep this up long. What happens as it gets worse? Like what does the world even look like? Anyway I am feeling like a hypochondriac now.

Briefly because my eyes are too tired.

I have an appointment to meet with a woman for job training, obviously I have to impress if she is to take me on. Unfortunately I also have an appointment with the doctor to see if they got all the abnormal cells on my cervix on the same fucking day! Stressed. A little yes.


32 responses to “Update

  1. Good luck with all that’s going on. That’s a lot to take onboard. I don’t think natural concern makes you, or anyone, a hypochondriac. It’s difficult to relax when you’re feeling stressed but it’s good advice to try. Take care.x

      • I don’t blame you. Any time I’ve had a health concern that has worried me enough to have me speculating, I ask my doc to give me the worst case scenario so that I know what I could be up against. He’s then either able to reassure me or outline what needs to be done. I prefer that to not knowing and worrying. More often than not he’s able to simplify it enough that my worries are greatly relieved and, in those cases where procedures are needed, he’ll even draw me diagrams to explain what’s what. I know not all docs will and that not everyone wants to know but it’s the uncertainty that kills me – so many don’t want to commit to opinion for fear of reprisal and yet, those prepared to put their experience before such fears, can allay so much undue worry.
        I do hope you’re able to get that much-needed reassurance. We all have need of it.x

      • Your doctor sounds awesome. In Sweden they won’t even inform a patient of their diagnosis much less the results of tests, in most cases. They scheduled my surgery without telling me anything. I mean literally I got a letter come in for surgery. The eye doctors are luckily less secretive but I am not sure how detailed they would be either. The not knowing is the worst to me as well.

      • That sounds so weird. And awful. My GP is the central point of contact for everything I may need. See him, be referred, results come back to him, phone up for them, or be informed you need to come in to see doc to discuss results. Admittedly, my own doc is amazing. I’ve had the same one since my early twenties although it’s not always possible to get an appointment with the same one in the practice. But he has, quite literally, drawn me diagrams of gall bladders (had to have that out), the inner ear (how that works, why I was in pain), what would happen in the event of an ectopic preganancy (just me reading too many medical books when pregnant) and how the mammary glands produced milk! He’s actually now gone part-time and will be sorely missed when he finally retires. But they’re all pretty good. (just not as good as him).
        Do you not have freedom of information where you can access all your medical stuff? It seems so odd to not be informed of what concerns you. It’s your body.
        Not knowing is worse I think than being given news – good or bad – and fretting endlessly.

      • Wow what an amazing man! It is weird and a common complaint here especially among immigrants like myself who have difficulties navigating the medical system and the horrific bureaucracy. I believe there is freedom of info but I have never succeeded in getting strait answers from a doctor much less access to my files

  2. It’s natural for you feel overwhelmed and it’s not hypochondria. You have reason to be scared and very concerned. Please, though, take it easy and rest your eyes carefully! It will most likely pass with rest. God bless dearheart.

  3. As a glasses person can tell you…it’s okay, you still can use your glasses and feel okay….take one day per time, and learn about different treatments, of course. Your worries will not help, just opposite, be peaceful and believe in your guardian angels…maybe it’s a challenge you need go through …Yves, write me on igolembo@gmail.com – we talk more…love and hugs, send you the healing

  4. Wow. Thinking of you as you go through this time of uncertainty. Hoping you get the answers you are looking for and wishing you peace as you wade through it all.

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