Color Me Good | #OctPoWriMo Day 8 and Writing Prompt #128 “Collage 8″

Collage 8

You are lavender and woebegone,

A dalliance of stars and friendship bracelets.

I drink to your absence, to the wars

Abridged in your celestial migrations.

Intuitive as a paper airplane, an invention

An enigma self-taught and impermissible

There is no knowing you, dreams

Suffer no such designations.

You are a sliver of tangerine

On a hot summer’s day.

Your are a sunrise all in beige.

You are the existential bane

Of my indelible muse.

When I close my eyes

Your face is a dancing plum,

Your smile, the corona

Of a nameless star.

You bore me.

You entice me.

You are everyone

I have ever known.

You are every one

I have ever lived.

You are trespass and reclamation,

A swollen fruit, a broken heart,

A semi-conscious shift

In an unoccupied bed.

The indispensable witness,

You are me when the streets

Are full of music and perfume.

You are the embryo

Of my every incarnation,

The dubious weed

In a clutch of anemones.

Do not pretend

To know me, little one.

I have killed you

In every conceivable way

But still you sit, mocking me

With your queer grey eyes.

Lonely child, has been,

Go away now to your closet,

To your finger-paints

To the wooden crate on the lawn

And forget, oh forget

The sinister happenings

Of your untimely youth.

OctPoWriMo

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24 responses to “Color Me Good | #OctPoWriMo Day 8 and Writing Prompt #128 “Collage 8″

  1. There is such a profound depth and layer to this wonderful piece Yves – it bears repeated readings. 🙂

    As a whole it wraps itself so well – and each stanza – well it offers glimpses of the sections that are colour spectrum rich – which can be used or considered as metaphors for who we are – are we not multi-coloured and layered – our hues and saturation as pale or deep as our emotions, thoughts and perspectives?

    You are a sliver of tangerine
    On a hot summer’s day.

    When I close my eyes
    Your face is a dancing plum,

    You are trespass and reclamation,
    A swollen fruit, a broken heart,

    Stunning images conceived in mind by these, particular lines, that I adore. 🙂

    One last note: this is almost like a love letter – encompassing the wealth of emotions, tender, sweet, yet bittersweet and angry, to our “inner child” and/or the “child we were, in a reality horrible” – there is a taunting energy that lingers still, the longing for closure, the ache for the return to an innocence long-forgotten and never permitted.

    Very thought-provoking and, dare I suggest, personal piece Yves.

    Hugs and good thoughts to you.
    xxx

  2. It chilled me to the bone, because in some ways you’re describing me, the part of me that refuses to die. I’ve been called “enigmatic” and “mysterious,” but really I don’t think I’m either. I tend to shy away from directly telling people about me because I fear the rejection that I have known over and over and over again. On the other hand, I desperately want someone to want to know the real me, and to not reject me in spite of the fact that she’s such an alien.

    • I was being abused as a child and so determined to keep my secrets that I couldn’t allow anyone too close. When I tried to talk to others normally/casually my weirdness just seem to slip out. I didn’t have a good sense for normal growing up as I did in a madhouse. Other people’s lives were actually a little scary to me, normal was terrifying I didn’t trust it. I thought there was something terrible underneath.

      • It’s interesting in a weird, warped and slightly twisted way, from a psychological point of view, and please understand, this isn’t a judgement or anything like it, but when we live with a reality that is anything but pleasant or “normal” – we tend to be so shocked when we discover and are immersed in what we find and see as truly loving and accepting etc. It is so undeniably odd and “crazy” to us, that we end up denying that it could be real – it’s almost as if “Stockholm Syndrome” sets in – and we can only identify with our abusers and the reality we live daily. And then it becomes such a vicious cycle – because we don’t trust ourselves, our perceptions, intuitions, or others … everything is filtered through these horrible experiences we have lived …. and it is so fucking hard – tiring, draining, and despairing, because we just feel that we can “belong” or “fit in” with anything “normal” – it’s such an isolating and lonely place. And even as we learn to begin to allow ourselves permission to discover ourselves – to heal – it’s as if we have to jump through hoops – because we feel like we have to “behave appropriately” (whatever the fuck that means) in order to be “acceptable.” And that’s the most difficult part – being able to say, “yeah, I’m slightly odd, I perceive things differently, I filter and respond with an intensity that would drive most insane – I’m broken, damaged – but I still can be more than my scars – I am stronger than this. There is worth and value in me – and what I have to offer the world.”

        *sigh*

        sorry … I don’t quite know what’s come over me here – these are just my thoughts ….

      • Amen! we don’t trust ourselves, our perceptions, intuitions, or others … everything is filtered through these horrible experiences we have lived. Do I ever relate to this the whole thing but particularly this element because this element has crippled and immobilized me more times than I can count. I also relate to the intensity I am very intense and that can become a bit creepy so I end up distant as a counter measure. I am naturally extreme and I fight with myself ferociously all the time. I am impossible it gets me riled up too. I am also thinking about what my therapist said about my other selves, you know like I have multiple personalities that really scares me that whole idea because just one of me is such a fucking handful. I have noticed that there is an extreme inconsistency in my abilities. My bottom range and my top range are so far apart. I mean sometimes I am insanely intuitive I just know stuff like that and the next I can’t open an envelop. It is complicated and makes me question my intelligence and my sanity.

      • Well, I for one, even if we have never met personally – think you are highly intelligent and extremely sane.

        It seems to me, and I have met many people who have faced similar childhood experiences, which have naturally marked them for life, …. that these people, well, they may seem to be the “crazy” ones – but in essence and Truth – they are people who are able to understand and know far more than most – even if it is such a struggle to live “normal” lives.

        And, I have found, that most often, no matter where they are in their own personal journeys and “recovery” – that they have the most to offer – insights, understanding etc.

        And bonus? They are the ones so creative – in all forms and manners – perhaps it is because of the need for self expression – to be “known” – accepted and to find that “validation” – so they most often are the ones, who, for better or worse, are the risk takers, the fighters, the catalysts, the movers and shakers who will challenge the “status quo” …. and maybe, even if it makes our personal sense of “belonging” more difficult …. it is a blessing in disguise. For as much as there are days when I wish to disassociate from all of reality, or to distance myself from myself, or when I wish I could be a “mindless fuck wandering the planet” – well, it just never sits well in my spirit or soul, for very long.

        I’d rather be alive – in all the shit, blood, mess, mucus, spit – that is life, searching for Truth, Beauty and Justice, Equality …. than walking dead.

        It’s not an easy road – by any means – and yeah, I’d really love for some major changes and shifts in my life to happen, because I’ve been working through and have totally understood my own personal hell cycle – and it just never seems to end …. and I feel like I’m running out of time, hope, options ….. but …. at least I can say with Truth and Honesty – with Dignity – this is *mine* – I *own it* – and be okay with it.

        Most are too busy ducking and fucking off in their own personal irresponsibility for their lives.

        So yeah, screw being a “mindless fuck” – I’d rather be alive – and feeling all of it – even if it feels like a thousand deaths.

        Hugs and prayers and lots of love to you Yves ….

        Be strong …. and be creative …. let it out ….and just …. *be*

  3. Your thoughts are remarkable clothespeggedpat. Great comments and insights in the comment section.

    Your back story MLM gives the poem a new dimension.’ Normal’ is a facade that hides a lot of lies hypocrisy and cruelty in my view. A though provoking poem which has invited lots of interesting discussion.

  4. A magnificent write Yves … so many beautiful lines it’s hard to say I like this or I like that … moving, powerful … and devastating.

  5. How often we think that the whole neighborhood hears when our parents scream… or when nightmares overtake us and we scream… and yet no one comes. We have to bury our thoughts deep until we can safely express them with people who however differently can relate.

    You are the total sum of everything good. Especially when you encourage all of us to explore your prompts and let our emotions run free. And then you accept us and embrace us. To you – hugs.

  6. Oh wow, Yves, it is haunting and real, it is poignant and honest, it is part of me too. I felt myself pulled in. I heard some my youths I work with echoing in the background. Do you know how well you write that you pull the reader in like Alice in Wonderland and you are not sure where the heck you are but some of it is so damn familiar you don’t try to run away. “A semi-conscious shift, In an unoccupied bed.” is only one example of many that I kept bobbing my head. If it stirs something in me, it is a damn good write, Yves. You are brilliant and far from crazy…even if I hate that term…you are brilliant!

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