Factory

BaldyBeard

I got Yves to go along with an experiment. The idea was to rewrite each other’s poems using our own language. Yves language quite elegant and extraordinary, on the ephemeral side of things. I tend to write in a more pedestrian and straight-forward manor. I did not know what to expect and all I can say that the experience was weird.

We wrote it as a response to the kenopsia prompt

Head over to mindlovemisery to see the other half of this experiment

Original Version (by me)

sonic reverberation shakes the stage

a chronic whirr all around

the ferric scent that lays on every detail

expensive apparatus that always jams

sending its flashing light and undulating tone

deliquesce in the absence of sales

whirr sound watery and far away

flashing lights mere shadow play by trees

the scent of dust fill eyes with tears

Sounds of a single man’s footsteps…

View original post 60 more words

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2 responses to “Factory

  1. Your poem is badass. Best menstruation poem I’ve ever read. Or birth, miscarriage, or abortion, depending on the slant of the reader’s “eyes.”

    Love this:
    “The scent of iron sweats through cotton.
    A delirious engine erupts in staccato howls,
    Flashing lights heave in pasquinade.”

    Because I have to see something sad in everything I’ll read, I see a story about an abused wife. She was pregnant, but her husband beat her and she miscarried. At the end, the solitary steps are her own, dragging herself along without her baby.

    • OMG now that you’ve said that about menstruation I cannot shake it! That could have been subliminal because I am having some issues with that.

      That is heartbreaking

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