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BaldyBeard

I got Yves to go along with an experiment. The idea was to rewrite each other’s poems using our own language. Yves language quite elegant and extraordinary, on the ephemeral side of things. I tend to write in a more pedestrian and straight-forward manor. I did not know what to expect and all I can say that the experience was weird.

We wrote it as a response to the kenopsia prompt

Head over to mindlovemisery to see the other half of this experiment

Original Version (by me)

sonic reverberation shakes the stage

a chronic whirr all around

the ferric scent that lays on every detail

expensive apparatus that always jams

sending its flashing light and undulating tone

deliquesce in the absence of sales

whirr sound watery and far away

flashing lights mere shadow play by trees

the scent of dust fill eyes with tears

Sounds of a single man’s footsteps…

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Kenopsia and Experiments of the Hyper Surreal Variety

Baldybeard contacted me with an idea for an experiment. I would write a poem and then he would write the exact same poem (more or less) only he would write it using his own words and in his own style. Likewise I would rework one of his poems in my style. We decided to write to the Kenopsia Prompt so that we were using the same theme. This was tough I am not going to lie. Baldybeard and I have very different styles. His words are clear and concise. Whereas I tend toward rambling abstraction. In doing this I realized I use a lot pronouns. I also tend to focus on emotions and ambiance rather than concrete details. Baldybeard is good with concrete details and internal dialogue, his characters are realistic whereas I tend to exaggerate and romanticize. Anyhoo this was very surreal and a good learning experience. I actually thought of doing this at MLMM as a challenge but I had to try it first myself. Are you guys willing to swap poems with each other?

Here is the first half of the experiment for the 2^nd half (where I rework his poem) visit Baldybeard’s Blog here

My Poem

There are some silences

Which hang like predatory silk,

Invisible without contact.

Whole conversations conducted

Smoothly, subliminally

Without the risk of contamination.

*

I swallow my breath,

Voice swelling, an avalanche of stars.

Once spent I’ll never retrieve this horror.

I stew in vacancy, in the creases

Of overlapping corridors.

*

I bask in the obsolete

In the postures of civility

Swept aside and reformed

In angles that defy necessity.

*

Shadows without companion

Defend controversial ruins,

Ruins that remind one

Of just how inhuman,

Humans can seem.

Baldybeard’s Version Same Poem  (he did an amazing job!!!)

a stillness
affixed like predatory silk
visible only to touch

conference in confidence
smooth without sound
subliminal

I swallow my breath – suffocating – breath demands release
disseminated air grasped in vain
I seek solace in these empty halls

my fondness for the outmoded
civility transmuted according to fashion
forgotten and left to rot

Shadows of ghost
profess this place
ruins of dehumanization