Fairy Tale February 27th 2015, “Atlantis”

There are some destinations that cannot be sought with a map. Life is such a journey. My heart not being north-bound has led me in circles more often than not but there is no proof that the most valuable paths are linear. I found it quite by accident and I was not even traveling by submarine. I found Atlantis in the bottom of a barrel (doors are not the only means of ingress). Sometimes I hide in barrels but that is another story entirely, sufficed to say I was hiding. It is very difficult to lose track of time when one’s heart is so intent on marking its passage. I counted to a hundred, two hundred, and so on unable to avail myself the luxury of pride. I waited until my knees burned, until they locked into a stoop. When at last I rose it was with a great pop and a flash of versicolored light.

 

So the water is to be my coffin? The barrel where has it gone? There was no sign of debris and I had never left it only stood. Panic is not linear. I flailed. I screamed. My voice carried under water and it was the sound of my voice that at last roused me. To hear it so plainly lead me to realize that I could, despite the most improbable circumstances, breathe. I opened my eyes again and saw that I stood and beneath me were bricks, yellow as the early summer sun. Anything can be a key. Even a scream can stir one from futility.

 

The city was symmetrical filled with helices and effeminate curves. Opalescent, lilac, willow green the buildings were lively and meticulously placed. Instead of trees anemones the size of cars and seaweed as tall as Juniper trees lined the walkways. I hid behind the wings of a purple kelp, pinching my cheeks for wakefulness. I did not start. I looked at my hands, at the webbing between. A curse on dry land but brushing my hand through the water, I felt the purpose of resistance. Sitting down I unlaced my boots and struggled mightily to remove them. I removed my socks and jacket next. The water was light/ethereal, the temperature of my own skin. There seemed to me a number of races, each curiouser in retrospect and none who could be wholly considered at a glance.

 

I could slip into the stream and none could declare me a stranger. Amongst travelers there are no strangers, only stories to be told. I walked a long while and though some looked at my shoes, no one frowned in my face. I was never so lost as when I held a predetermined course. Here is a city where admittance is free, a city where the windows have no glass and the doors no locks. A migratory city, that passes through dimensions choosing denizens. I had been summoned.

*

I struggle with Fairytales as you well know but I thought I’d give it a go anyway!

For

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/02/27/fairy-tale-february-27th-2015-atlantis/

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Tale Weaver Prompt 2: Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner and Writing Prompt # 95 – Phantasmagoria

The door to my mind is ajar

Everyone stumbles on entry

Some thresholds should not be

Undertaken alone

(even for the sake of dinner).

It is not for me to offer

The tenets’ identity

Lonely women will often lie

Beneath the plainest stones

But I would never dare

Call such women ordinary

They do not even require a name

For who would dare personify

That which is already human?

 

The stars are all broken

The stars are all crossed

Nothing that is left

Could possibly last.

I traveled a thousand miles

Over land and sea

Through the offal

Of countless identities.

Everyone I’ve touched

Has taken a piece of me

What was prime is now

Perishable and had I lived

I might have faced you

You being a euphemism for me.

 

There were three at the beginning

I the mother, I the daughter, I the spirit

But one of them had to die

That the others could

Entertain another holiday.

The daughter is not likely

To rise again

For no one ever loved her

As though she were a child.

Some people are born

Without permission

Such scars are sure to survive

For how could death contain them?

For

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/02/26/tale-weaver-prompt-2-guess-whos-coming-to-dinner-february-26-2015/

And

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/02/22/writing-prompt-95-phantasmagoria-february-22-2015/

Photo Challenge #49 – Blood Money

Pawel Kuczynski

The morning alights

Without a spiritual consensus

Poverty may question my means

But success rarely compromises.

I do what I must

To live as I please.

 

Another amniotic soak in the till

I don’t need to feel

If the marrow spilled

Comes from another man’s bones

I do what I must

To live as I please.

 

I have a family

Whose infrequent names fall

So oft from my calender

That I dare not meet their accusations.

I do what I must

To live as I please.

 

My Sisyphean days stoop

Behind a veil of secrecy

Full pockets leave no space

For the warming of hands

I do what I must

To evade the poverty inside.

*

A quick quick write for

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/02/24/photo-challenge-49-blood-money-february-24-2015/

Wordle #49 – Cabbages

Ever since the cabbages died

Her smile is a partition.

Beside it I rest a Paper Tiger

An altruist tearing

His pockets in shame

But no man has the right

To claim a woman’s pain.

 

She called them cabbages

But they were always children

Our sons and daughters.

Anabiosis cannot be

Breathed through war,

Whether meteor or bomb

Heat curdles just the same.

 

Ever since the cabbages died

I sit on the porch in silence

Draught after draught

A beggar’s bowl

Between my knees

I asked God first

But some prayers

Only the Devil will seize.

No woman has the right

To censure a man’s retreat.

 

A visage twinged

Sings the saddest songs

But who will listen?

The days are sparse

The days are wearisome.

Default or defunct

Each man crawls along

A broken heart cutting

The palms and knees

Of whoever greets him.

 

She called them cabbages

But they were always children

Our sons and daughters

Taken by the Country

To fight in wars that the rich

Should have sufficient fodder

To seed their seedy schemes.

*

I took one look at this Wordle and knew immediately that it was going to be a challenge. I mean really what was I thinking?! Thanks to Jen for introducing me to Tim Buckley because it gave me inspiration for this piece.

This entry is for

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/02/23/wordle-49-february-23-2014/

Fairy Tale “Behind The Waterfall” February 20th 2015

Urami no Taki (The Waterfall Seen From Behind)

 

Behind a veil of water

The Watchers sip their tea

Top hats and clockwork eyes

They raise porcelain cups

To join their carnivorous smiles.

 

Behind a veil of water

A cherry tree undresses the bones

Of what was once a benevolent race.

Children no longer believe in fairies

But the Watchers possess no such weakness.

They existed before time and shall continue

So long as the notion of absence persists.

 

Logic cannot see

Beyond the ego’s trappings

Perceptions can be deceived

Whatever scars or margins

A heart might impose

It is still capable of crafting miracles.

 

In the days preceding summer

We still have the freedom

Of our beliefs

Even if we lack the courage

Necessary to speak them

A child can only be so for a moment

But magic suffers

Most for the denial of belief.

*

For Fairy Tale

I realize mine begins quite dark which doesn’t really jibe with that peaceful tones of the image.

The idea for Watchers came from a dream, in the dream I was introduced to one of these beings and since then I have decided to expand on them, to make is a race for fantasy stories.

Wordle #48 Substance

Image: Sunday Skeleton: Artist: Lucas Grogan

 

Wine passes liberally from mirth to canvas

I steady the palate knife against your throat

In another life I might be the one

Uttering the final reconciling plea

But tonight it’s the kink in your history

That reinvents us, no one will ever remember

The tyrant that you were for who could

Face the ghost of such an impossible angel?

*

Hell cannot replicate

What I have unwittingly become

Sometimes flesh is a far more compelling mask

Sometimes appearance is the only

Demonstrative feature of a soul that has fled.

To live as a man does not imply humanity.

I have lived falsely, grievously and at great expense

To all those who held to the transformative power of love

But nothing can change a man

If he hasn’t substance enough to fill a mirror.

*

For TaleWeavers

Wordle #48 “Insecure”

Alliances rarely survive shifts in altitude.
If I succeed in the culmination of our vision
Then there is sure to be a crevice
Sufficient to justify your failings.

 

For every plunge I was there,
The chime of reason
A bridge to vanquish insurmountable odds
Perhaps I helped too much,
A leather whip may have served
A more compassionate cue.

 

Once I straddled your heart,
Its only willing occupant.
I allowed for the mastication
Of my grievances, swallowing all doubt
That you might not combust under critique.
My belief, the sort that only,
A hallucination could induce.

 

I never left though you look for me
As one who has lost everything.
I never left and still you trundle
Futile, in your paranoid renderings
Perhaps my love is too discreet
To account for your insecurities.

*

I am looking at my tendency to make excuses, the strange and inevitable rifts in identity that occur in mental illness. The seeming loss of innocence. the disconnect from reality, the raging insecurities. I am not completely satisfied with this one I think it is the flow or wording.

 

On another note it looks like I was given the wrong form *pulls out hair*

Submission for

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/02/16/wordle-48-february-16-2015/?preview=true

Update: Too Many Straws Not Enough Scarecrows

I went to the doctor on Friday (men feel free to skip). The examination revealed that my right ovary is active and that I have ovulated recently. Aside from that my reproductive organs all appear to be healthy (which is to say there are no visible tumors or cysts). I have been instructed to increase the dosage and adjust my medication as I see fit. I mentioned my thyroid and the doctor agreed that fluctuations in my thyroid hormones could cause exactly this issue. I had blood taken but I will not know the results for awhile. 

School. I obtained the paper confirming my identity and residence. I have also acquired the mysterious form. Ironically my teacher gave it to me, I still get the impression that she wasn’t familiar with the document and was just passing it on from the powers that be. Now all that is left is to fill it in and mail everything out. I also took my test, I am not sure how that went to be honest!

Progeny. Isadora was able to return to school on Friday, her appetite is improving but she isn’t 100% yet. She had an evaluation and needs to work on reading. I am not surprised she has only just started to hear the words when sounding out the letters. She has missed a lot of days this year and her old school was well behind her new one so we have a lot of catching up to do.

Wordle #46 Retro

You are the reason for my silence,

The reason my breath struggles

Despite the clarity of its course.

Such exceptions are not for me to judge

But I exalt them nevertheless.

 

Whatever the content

A heart will grind its gears

In the presence of temptation.

I cannot recover the warmth

That once inhabited my limbs.

What was red is now white.

What was naked is now smeared

In its own leavings.

Pitiful is the girl

Who rejects humiliation.

 

Blustery air does not seek refraction.

A wool mitten serves the flesh

Whatever the inconvenience imposed.

The foam in a mug of hot cocoa

May in moments of madness

Pass between my lips

But sugar is palatable in many forms.

 

Though nacreous,

The imprint still remains.

These wounds

Have become my only distinction,

These shivs of bone,

These ribs which pierce

That which they hold most dear.

Blood sipped at a high altitude

Is as clear as vodka,

As poignant as nutmeg

Once advanced a moment

Will not be undone.

 

I own a dress that simpers as it hangs

Only age can reinvent such nostalgia

But I am not as hopeful as it suggests.

I do not even want you to pass

The threshold between dreams and reality.

I am only a child, an oyster without proof.

*

I am late!  I actually found this Wordle a real challenge and oddly it wasn’t the inclusion  of nacreous and refraction that made it so, it was the scene suggested by the words.

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2015/02/02/monday-wordle-46-february-2-2015/

Too Many Straws Not Enough Scarecrows

My inactivity has likely been noted by now and I apologize for it but am not yet at liberty to rectify the situation. Bit by bit I am incorporating new activities into my schedule but it is taking some time to adjust. I wake up between 5:30 am and 6:00 am and am usually hard at work on something until Isadora goes to bed for the night. Once she is in bed I spend that time with Sam which has always been my custom.

So what precisely is going on.

First the car. As you know our car broke down during the holidays and we sent it to the shop for repairs despite our intense aversion to that particular vehicle we simply could not afford another car so soon after buying a new house. As you may also know it broke down again shortly after it was repaired so we had to borrow a car from the in-laws. After the car broke down the second time Sam had a breakdown. He couldn’t bring himself to repair the old car because the very sight of it filled him with violence (it has been giving us issues for year) and he didn’t want to inconvenience his parents. Since we live in the country now we have to have a car. I think you can understand the dilemma. Anyhow his parents bought us a Mitsubishi Outlander and they refuse to accept money for it. It is a used car but a nice one. It has a four-wheel drive and we can now get up the driveway without a racing head-start. His dad has agreed to take care of the old car but once he took on that car it began to develop new problems. In addition his own car actually broke down. When I say that car is cursed I am serious! I think we need an exorcist and not a mechanic.

My health (men look away and skip this section)

I have Menorrhagia (heavy and prolonged periods). I take medicine to stop my periods but for the last few months I have noticed an increasing amount of bleeding and menstrual pain. Prior to taking this medication I would have my period every 2 to 3 weeks and it would last 10 to 14 days. I had even started to have between period bleeding. Several days of my epically long periods the bleeding would be so bad I really couldn’t leave the house. So I am not happy to be bleeding. I actually have no idea why I have Menorrhagia. My mom also had it before she had a complete hysterectomy and hers escalated to the point of needing transfusions. She has Hypothyroidism. I am thinking I am going to have to have my thyroid checked (provided I can convince anyone to do it, the thing is my thyroid levels fluctuate so sometimes I am in the range of Hypothyroidism and sometimes not). I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday to talk about the meds. I am scared that they will take me off if they aren’t working properly and I will go back as before. As I am of child-bearing age I am not sure they’d be so extreme as to remove anything. Aside from that they can scrap off the lining from my uterus permanently which sounds horrific to me.

School. As you know I am back in school though I am only taking one class. In order to study in the city I have to acquire special forms to prove my residence so the district I am in can pay for my traveling expenses. I was told I have to talk to someone in my district and that my school could not provide the forms. I attempted contact with one man but he would not return my entreaties. The second man was considerably more friendly but did not wish to speak to me directly, he wanted to speak to a school administrator. He promised to contact said person but after waiting a week with no response I emailed him impressing on him how important these forms were. Lo and behold I discover he has no such forms and I am supposed to get them from my school after all. Though I was told by the school that they did not have the forms and looked at like I was crazy for even mentioning them. I have been trying to get these forms since I started! Supposedly my teacher will give them to me but I also have to get proof of residence. So it isn’t sorted yet. Speaking of school I went yesterday and on Tuesdays the bus schedule forces me to go in early. Well I get there and it is closed I mean completely. So I’ve made a long trip for no reason and lost the better part of a day. Apparently there was a random teacher conference. A fight broke out at the school the previous week, some of the students are from countries that are at war and it got ugly. Our class continues to get bigger as we take on students because several teachers have fallen seriously ill. I snapped from stress and yes I was cussing at a locked door for a good five minutes.

Therapy

I have to resume that shit but where’s the time? How do I not break down in class?

Child’s Health

As you know my daughter had chicken pox a while ago. Well last night after a very annoying day I was looking forward to a good night’s sleep but that isn’t how it turned out. Isadora got sick and started throwing up and I mean she threw up a lot. I actually have no idea how to clean vomit and cleaning it with paper towels given the volume well it took a long time and she desperately wanted to go to sleep again poor baby. After everything was clean as I could manage in the middle of the night when I am all but brain dead, I gave her a bucket. She threw up a bit more but did get through the night with some sleep. This morning I went to do a load of laundry and a fuse blew. It took out the washer, drying, dishwasher, television, and a computer. Sam went to get new fuses before work but even though replaced the appliances aren’t working. He had to go to work so as of now I don’t know if they will work. But I hope they are not broken. I had to put Mr Bear into the wash which is Isadora’s sleep toy but the washer went down and now he is soaked and won’t dry by night. I don’t own a hair dryer and everything else that could dry isn’t working. I told her he would have to sit in a bowl by her bed and she seems okay about it but it remains to be seen how she feels when she can’t cuddle with him at night. She hasn’t thrown up today but isn’t really eating and she is obviously feeling bad. Did I mention I also have a test on Friday?