Wordle #42

Wordle 42 Jan. 5

Your erection haunts me

Stalks the avenues of my brain

Entirely out of context.

A bar of soap rides my flesh,

A jackal wept of too much blood.

I swirl hostage on the tiles

The arch of my foot

A mussel’s geying smirk.


I will never be a mariposa,

A unison of dubious flair

For I am alone

A pseudo mollusk

A cable that writhes

Of Zeus’s featureless touch.

The gravel in my hand

Is what remains of your teeth

Of you sickly sweet smile.

Never again a paperweight

Never again the proxy.

That I should not be loved

Never escapes recommendation.


Unrelated to the poem

I received my class schedule it is extremely irregular, each day is different and I am not sure how to plan my days. I am entirely overwhelmed there is so much down time on the bus/waiting for the bus and I am not sure how to use it in a really efficient way. I can’t use it for my blog because I have no idea how to use my cellphone yet (I can’t even write a text, it is a rocket ship compared to the previous). I am thinking of studying but I am not sure if I can do written work. The teacher is obnoxious and it is a much larger class then expected. I am stressed!





Where is Yves?

You might be wondering where I am seeing as the new house is in reasonable order so I thought I’d give you an update.


Yesterday Sam went back to work. His commute has increased by quite a bit as it takes 40 to 50 minutes to get into town. He will be taking the bus most days. Usually he gets home around 15:30 or so but with the commute time he will probably be getting home between 16:30-18:00 instead. With that in mind if anyone has any cheap simple recipes please share! I could use some budget friendly dinner ideas!


Isadora started school today. I got lost on the way there but I did manage to get her there on time just the same. The weather was miserable snow was replaced with rain and I do not have appropriate shoes for such conditions so I ended up with soaking wet and very cold feet! She was greeted at the main door by a little girl who already knew her name. I hope everything goes well for her! She did not seem nervous.


As for the house she loves it and she loves that it is close to the park (close enough that she can walk there alone). She slept through the night the first night. I thought she might get scared being in a new place with so many new sounds and smells but she didn’t come to us for comforting once. She is actually doing very well. She approaches children and has already played with the neighbor.  She seems to be quite confident in herself. The only problem we are having is at meal time and not with every meal just dinner. She is taking a really really long time to eat maybe 2 hours. She doesn’t want to stop talking long enough to eat anything and then she has been complaining a lot about the elk. There is a lot elk in the grocery at the moment because people are hunting and it is a good price but she doesn’t really like it.


How do I feel about the house? I love it!  It is so beautiful and spacious.


The main issue we had was limited hot water, perhaps 2 minutes worth or less. For the first 2 weeks I did not wash my hair as it takes a long time to wash and I was sick. Luckily my hair does not get greasy or stringy, so it was perfectly normal looking/smelling but I did have to wash it in cold water (I also had to shave in a cold bath). Sam has since replaced a water tank. That didn’t help much despite it clearly needing replacement. He adjusted a valve and that did help I am not sure how long the hot water will last, if it will hold up for a bath or a hair wash (for me, it works for Isadora). The mixers in the bathroom are kind of bad so the water can get too hot, not so hot as to scald an adult but I am very careful with Isadora. Right now she has to take showers too and I monitor the water temp closely.


Other than that the bathrooms sometimes smell but they are old and I don’t think the venting is quite the same. I let Isadora’s toilet soak in chlorine and that seems to have helped. We also need to clean out the sink pipes to make sure there isn’t any muck because I detected some odor by the pipes in Isadora’s bathroom when cleaning. Eventually we will update the bathrooms.


The other thing we hope to fix at some point is the flat roof over the garage, it is too flat and doesn’t drain so well. The roof is from the 70s it doesn’t leak now or anything but still I think we will replace it when we can to prevent any potential collapse.


The furnace is obviously a priority because it will save A LOT of money on electricity and it is environmental. As for changing wallpaper and such that is not an immediate concern, it is just aesthetic and I want to get the others things sorted first since those things will be expensive and require long-term saving.


As for me I am trying to establish a routine. Exercise, cooking, cleaning/managing a significantly larger house, therapy exercises, studying. I am spending more time with Isadora now as well though I imagine once she makes friends she will ditch me lol


On another note I got word from the Swedish school. I start tomorrow. I will get my official schedule then and that schedule will determine if Isadora will have to be in the after school program. As I will be 50 minutes away from home it is very likely.  Encase you wonder how she feels about going to the after school program, she  really wants to go (she is extremely social and loves school). In preparation for class I have been studying as I need to get up my stamina. I was not successful with Swedish school the first time and there were many reasons for that some were out of my control (taking Epilepsy drugs, illness) and others were not. Though I was in bad health at that time I was also a pretty crappy student. I had been a decent (not exceptional) student in high school and University but I found it pretty hard to return to school. Isadora was also younger then so it was harder to study at home.


Anyhow I can’t say exactly when I will resume a normal posting schedule (could be a time change) because I want to see a little a bit how the class will go.

What I learned from having a child

Before I even considered having children I attempted to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the prospect. What if my child became seriously ill? How would I cope with various injuries? The sex talk? A broken heart? Substance abuse? Teen pregnancy? Bullies? Lying? Stealing? Abduction? Animal cruelty? Adolescence? Some of my scenarios were probable others were ridiculous but I wanted to make sure I’d explored every potential situation good, bad, and ugly. I prepared conversations in advance, beautiful elegant lectures and cunning rebuttals for every possible argument. Now that I have my own child, I barely get a word in edgewise and even when a planned scenario does occur it still feels completely spontaneous and overwhelming. Sometimes I walk away from a discussion slapping my forehead. Why did I respond that way when I have such wisdom to share? I am not really an idiot am I?

Some things I learned from having a child

Babies do not sleep. Maybe some babies do but my daughter was not one of them. While you might have been able to go without sleep for extended periods, you did not have to do so while being highly alert and pumped full of hormones that lets face it make you extremely emotional. Isadora did not sleep through the night until she was three and I was not one of those mom’s that rushed to the crib at the faintest sound.

Babies eat a lot. The doctor said she’d eat ½ a bottle or so every 30 minutes for 2 weeks. Try a full bottle every 15 minutes like clockwork for months, including nights. Chances are if you have one of those non sleeping babies they are supplying that energy with food.

Not every cry can be solved by following the eat, sleep, cuddle, change, adjust temperature protocol, sometimes they cry and you spend hours searching for a solution.

Which brings me to the next point you lose a lot of control when you have children. If you were super tidy prior, chances are for the next few years you will have to live in chaos. You will find revolting things in kid’s rooms. I am just now getting the hang of organizing for a child. Children want to save things, every scrap of paper, every broken toy it all has some deep mystical meaning to them. You have to be careful not to steamroll them and respect their personal space, even if their personal space is ruining your dream of a catalog worthy house. Or their fashion sense all but nullifies their cute wardrobe. Or that nice outfit is instantly ruined or rejected. Spent hours on a healthy kid friendly meal only to have them refuse to eat? Sometimes problems do not have an easy solution. Sometimes you cannot solve it. Sometimes you just have to hug your kid and let them cry it out. Sometimes your kid wants to dress like Punky Brewster (that was me) and there are worse things really.

Children talk A LOT (or not at all). You probably won’t complete a thought for years to come (which is very frustrating). Despite being extremely social and vocal beings children have a difficult time expressing their emotions with words. You have to teach them to identify and describe their emotions. If this is something you struggle with personally (and who doesn’t?) this could be a major challenge. Children act on their emotions when they cannot express them appropriately. Sometimes a child might throw an absolute fit over the smallest thing but be struggling emotionally with something far more serious. Isadora once went off on me for moving a container of yoghurt and after a long talk I found out she was being bullied at school! The other day she was getting mouthy and I found out a 9 year old had told her all boys are assholes so she better adjust her standards accordingly. Seriously a 9 year old?! That is another thing children at school are telling your child all kinds of things. You have to talk to your child in order to clarify this misinformation.

Even young children can feel too embarrassed to confide certain feelings. You might think a 5 year old who runs around naked singing and shouting has no shame, but actually they do have sensitive areas and they are not always obvious.

Speaking of this you will get embarrassed A LOT. Your child will bring up things about your at home persona that you do not want to share. They will have emotional fits in public and people will look at you accusingly. Let’s not even mention when they become aware of their bodies. They will tell on you but they will not give both sides of the story. You will likely get embarrassed by certain questions as well. Though they can be adorable laughing at your child’s emotional reactions can make them more guarded and less likely to seek you out when a problem arises.

Your child wants to make you proud. This means they will do things that they consider helpful or “grown up” so that you can see how mature they are becoming. Some of these adult things are dangerous. It can be very difficult as a parent to know when your child is ready for certain things but children want to help. Include them in decisions. Allow them to help you with chores. Give them simple tasks. Show them the proper use of items that they will have contact with or access too. If you don’t give them opportunities to demonstrate their skills they will do whatever it takes to win your praise.

On this same note children have a lot to teach. While they may seem and even be quite fickle, they are the guidebook. Parents always complain babies don’t come with instruction manuals. Yes they do. They tell you all the time what they need, they scream it in your face on a daily basis you just have to listen.

Children are perceptive to the point of being psychic. I knew children could sense tension in a household. I did not know, that my child would, on a regular basis, announce my unspoken thoughts/feelings. They are unbelievably empathetic, you can’t hide much from them. Be prepared for nearly daily interrogations of everything you do and say! Privacy? Hardly ever.

If you do something wrong or say something mean to your child you need to apologize and let your child know that you are at fault. Children blame themselves for your bad behavior/moods and they will carry that guilt with them for their entire lives. Children have to be allowed to be angry with adults as well and to express those feelings in a healthy way.

Children lie. I found this out a while ago, I thought you could bypass this by instilling honesty but apparently it is a relevant and unavoidable part of their development. It is a part of learning morals and boundaries and such. I was really upset by this at first but when you think about it we all filter and tell little white lies.

Children need to hear everyday that you love them, that their special, that their important really.

Rather than go on dates when the kids are away, I recommend staying in sometimes and chilling together. Having a conversation becomes extremely difficult, you get interrupted every few seconds and your child will want to be present whenever they see you hanging out with someone else. Which brings me to a controversial point while I do believe discretion is necessary being affectionate and playful with your spouse if you have one is important. Talking out problems is important. Kids have to see some of how relationships work. They have to learn how to fight fair. Knowing their parents love each other and support each other is important.

Your child will be a lot like you and not just in the good ways. This is helpful when I am trying to figure out what is bothering Isadora or when I am trying to give her advice on coping with nightmares. But this also forces me to evaluate myself everyday, even the aspects of myself I really dislike. She asks the most excruciating, gut-wrenching questions of me at times. I knew lots of kids growing up that smoked their parent’s cigarettes in secret from a very very young age. Kids copy you, so if you start to see a really troubling behavior or habit developing you are going to have to stop and take a hard look in the mirror.

Meal time is hard. Very very hard. I probably struggle with this more than anything else. Eating at the table helps. Not making a big deal helps. Not saying a word when the complaints start generally result in the desired behavior, eating the food. Not giving sweet beverages help. Not giving too much snacks before meal time helps. Letting them help with the cooking makes them more inclined to eat the meal.

Do not give your child adult portions and then expect them to clear the plate. Though my daughter still eats about 2 to 3 times more than most children (honestly she is very active) it is unreasonable to think she will always be that hungry. Children are very hungry around growth spurts but a few days after they just don’t feel much like eating so you have too keep that in the back of your mind. They eat less when sick as well but sometimes they don’t know they are getting sick. You can also let them choose dinner sometimes or the sides involved making sure one of those sides is a veggie. Don’t make them a second dinner unless really something went wrong with the first, like the first one got way too spicy or burnt or something.

You can’t divide food into kid and adult food too much are they will end up just eating processed garbage. I let Isadora have her hate foods like olives and avocados which I don’t give her. She also has a category of foods she doesn’t like but does not find repulsive, I give these periodically and in different ways until she acquires a taste for them. I eat a lot of Japanese food and I noticed the other day that even though she does not like beans usually she likes tofu and miso (she really loves miso). Sam’s mom wanted to take us to lunch I suggested Japanese she was doubtful but Isadora cleaned her plate. When we eat at McDonalds she never wants to eat her french fries. If it is unhealthy I don’t force the issue I mean why? So desserts are not a have to finish thing. Children eat what you eat unless you don’t give them the same thing. Yes they have to develop their palates but it takes about 15 times for them to adapt a new food, simple is best and patience is a must.

Routines are good but a militant schedule does not work. Keeping Isadora’s bedtime routine when we moved helped a lot. Talking to her previously helped a lot. Letting her see the new school and explore the neighborhood all good things. I did not promise she would maintain all her previous relationships because I did not know that for certain. I usually never let her watch television all day but when we were unpacking her room she got to watch movies. We also stopped and played family games as well. You have to be flexible and consider the situation.

That is all for now! I know I don’t usually right articles because I am too verbose but I wanted to today.

Wordle #41 “Conceit”

Wordle 41 Dec. 29

They gaze upon

His conceit

His mischief

The strangle hold

Of his ridicule

On their bridled necks.

He erects blinds

That his neighbors

Might not find

Fodder for scandal

But whether gelatin

Or steel the scars

Within his heart still set.


The rise and fall

Of his draftsack

Does not belie

The poverty within.

An illeist grumble

Erupts at the intersection

The Apocalypse dawns

Brick by brick

The ghetto unveils

Its atrocities

The fizzle of hunger

Of the underfed

And eager intellect

Education is necessary

But who will guarantee

The right?


His face the color

Of zinc, crude and hypoxic

Whirs like an android.

A sour kiss seals

The lungs once

The quintessential element

Has been extracted.

All it takes is a coin

To reverse a man’s fate

A slip and the grave

Will well up around him

Like a vulture’s vociferous flight.


My cold has been followed by fevers and headaches, why the fevers are coming after the other symptoms are passing I have no idea.