Brian Despain

I swallow your pain

In the cradle of my smile

Stay with me always

Or at least until my blood

Is wholly dissipated


I am a very abstract person even in my everyday life. Whenever anyone asks me to recount an event or experience they are faced with an incompressible string of adjectives and emotions. Just today I was playing Mario Kart with Isadora and I simply do not have the attention span to complete a race I forget what I am doing, which car I am driving, I get absorbed totally in the animations, in her constant chatter, in my thoughts, in the pain in my hands, in about a million other sensations/reflections besides. It’s not that the game is too easy for me (it’s not I am horrendously uncoordinated) and it’s not that it isn’t fun I just don’t have a way to filter stimuli effectively. That’s why I can’t drive actual cars haha That’s also why this challenge is a challenge for me!

So what’s the poem about?

Supporting loved ones

Why the odd picture?

It is closer to how I see the world


  1. I think that life is beautifully painful and painfully beautiful… that cradle of smile does wonders in everyday life.
    We are alike in that way… where so many things course through our minds at one time. Even I can’t drive cars, my entire attention gets taken away by the song playing on the player and the rush of the wind or that odd structure at the side of the road. I once scared some stray dogs. 😀
    Your tanka is emotive and expressive in wonderful ways. 🙂

  2. I could never drive a car, I have no gray area in my brain, either I would drive it like a madman on a race, or slow as a 90y old grandma!
    Lovely poem!

    • haha I also have bad depth perception and my brain like omits stuff like big ass buildings I literally don’t see so I think it is better I don’t drive for everyone

      Thanks =)

  3. I like being alone because I get stimuli overload. A few minutes out in the world requires hours of recuperation. Your poem expresses how that comes from a cellular level.

  4. I don’t drive. Never have. I don’t even want to own a car. I prefer to walk or catch public transport everywhere. It gives me time to take everything in, time I wouldn’t have if I had to concentrate on driving myself. (By the way, Mario Kart is awesome!)

    • I prefer walking whenever possible XD. Where I lived before it was a huge deal that I couldn’t drive given the lack of public transport and the large distance between points of civilization. One place we lived had only 1 cab driver and you had to book three days in advance. It was a college town lots of drunken kids wtf were they thinking not having cabs I don’t know. Another place was in the city (a busy city with lots of festivals) but you still had to wait an hour min between pickups and then another 20 minutes in the terminal for no apparent reason. Sweden has much better public transport! And much less scary public transport since we use cards and not cash so they don’t get held up.

  5. nice…we need to support our loved ones…even when it is something that we do not enjoy…the desire to have then stay i felt came from a child before i ever read your notes….

  6. Yep! It’s just as well you don’t drive at all Yves. How many times have you wrecked the Mario Bros car? 🙂 I couldn’t imagine not driving. You picked a doozie of a picture to show how you view the world, quite interesting really. kind of like leaving the subconscious to look after everything while you focus on the things you can’t reach, ie. birds, clouds the enigmatic planet/son/ball in the sky.

    • I can’t even count how many times I’ve wrecked in Mario Kart and no worries Laurie I don’t drive unfortunately my mom does and she’s like me but with worse vision!

      I am definitely in my own little world

      • Oh dear, her vision’s worse? How does she survive out there on the road?
        Being in your own world is not a bad thing you know. I was thinking that because you see the world differently, because your mind is affected by what you see, then you write from a different place inside. That’s it, your writing is tactile, as if you feel the things you write about with your hands, instead of ‘seeing’ them.

      • She doesn’t wear a seat belt either it is truly horrifying thinking of her driving Laurie. Then again she is always scaring me! She has Hypothyroidism and takes meds but it her TSH levels are out of control again and it is effecting her in a lot of dangerous ways. She has nearly died from Hypothyroidism back when it was undiagnosed. She will not answer me if she is doing anything about the situation and I am not sure if she is still seeing the same awful doctor that has nearly killed her twice. The first time not discovering or testing for the thyroid issues the second for missing 22 tumors in uterus some of which were very large.

        Oh wow Laurie what a beautiful compliment thank you!

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