Ant

the-industrious-ant-8x16-630x350

I have no resolve

In which to nurture resolutions

Only a starving sense of emergency

That I must not, as always, be overcome

*

I dream but never find within

A consequent sensibility

Both mind and limb abandon

Whenever I am in need

*

I have ambitions but to express

Them in the absence of success

Seems somehow disingenuous

I crave precision and expertise

A sleep which only proceeds

Indefatigable effort

*

I have decided to make lists

With manageable procedures

To advance in ant-like fashion

Mandibles clenched, antenna honed

To the knock of my indomitable pulse

*

In the past I have always been extraordinarily ambitious (delusional?) in my resolutions. No matter what I may have replied on inquiry, in my mind I was going to achieve some impossible feat of self-reconstruction. Self-improvement always meant tearing down the current constructs whatever the cost to my self-esteem/mental health. I want to do everything all at once, to become everything all at once. So this year it’s all about breaking things down into simple achievable goals. I wrote more about this in my journal

http://curiousflowers.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/new-years-resolutions/

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21 responses to “Ant

  1. Interesting Yves.
    One breath at a time, one step at a time ~ we are who we are ~ if there is a need for a change then do it ~ only if it’s to help you cope ~ remember the smallest ant can carry a heavy load without breaking πŸ™‚ x

  2. Whew …. I stepped over to look at your journal too and can see how to help a self be overwhelmed. Even here, the tone of urgency is harsh predicated as it is on emergency. I understand the starvation and wishes, but have finally learned to smile at and enjoy the bungling one too–I mean, to love the self everyday whether in failure or success on one of the now more manageable steps. Unclench, dear Ant. This is an excellent portrait of a perfectionist.

  3. smart…its the small things…i think at times we try to take on so much we come out of it feeling like a failure unable to recognize the little things we have done that were great…and in that lose what ground we did take…..

  4. I accept that “change” in certainly one of the hardest things we can try to do. So instead each year, rather than resolutions for change, I resolve to ‘accept’ who I am, what I am, and I celebrate, for it has taken a long time to become this unique person that I am. Or….maybe I will change my brown eyes to blue, or I will become taller, or will, at last, learn to fly…these changes would probably be as easy for me, as resolutions others make. On the other hand, we could resolve to be happy and notice all the small things we are given in this life. Take note, and give thanks.

  5. Aims to aspire for. Linked to who we already are. More realisable and full of promise. Unreasonable resolutions conspire to make us feel like failures and as if we are wanting in all measure of worth. Who you already are and how to proceed so much more worthwhile. I’m running with that one. Good luck for you. πŸ™‚ x

      • I think some of us are too hard on ourselves. I know I feel defeated before I begin if I judge myself too harshly, which I am guilty of doing. A bit more self-love on the journey of discovery is what I’m aiming for. And, hopefully, that will radiate outwards to others. πŸ™‚ x

      • I am very critical of myself and I tend to blame myself for everything even if a situation is entirely out of my control. I could certainly learn to be more compassionate toward myself

      • I think many of us could. I seem to have spent years being self judgemental to no other aim or purpose than making myself feel unworthy. Not a good place to be or a nice way to look at self. I wouldn’t do it to others and yet I do it to myself. I have tried for a long time now to be more positive in my comments to self. Stopping the berating as soon as I hear it begin. I am who I am and I’m learning more and more to be comfortable with that. It allows for real growth I feel.
        Affirmation does come from others….at times….;) ….but maybe we need to be a bit more self-affirming. we are worthy…all of us….and a healthy dose of compassion for self would not go amiss. Let’s go that way. πŸ™‚ x

  6. Wonderful analysis of both resolve and also the limitations to it – I really thought the poem was about an ant for the first couple of stanzas, then you brought the allusion together perfectly and powerfully! Fabulous!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  7. Small steps and achievable goals is the only way to climb mountains. It took me a long time to realise this wisdom too, but now I live by it. πŸ™‚

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