I have no resolve

In which to nurture resolutions

Only a starving sense of emergency

That I must not, as always, be overcome


I dream but never find within

A consequent sensibility

Both mind and limb abandon

Whenever I am in need


I have ambitions but to express

Them in the absence of success

Seems somehow disingenuous

I crave precision and expertise

A sleep which only proceeds

Indefatigable effort


I have decided to make lists

With manageable procedures

To advance in ant-like fashion

Mandibles clenched, antenna honed

To the knock of my indomitable pulse


In the past I have always been extraordinarily ambitious (delusional?) in my resolutions. No matter what I may have replied on inquiry, in my mind I was going to achieve some impossible feat of self-reconstruction. Self-improvement always meant tearing down the current constructs whatever the cost to my self-esteem/mental health. I want to do everything all at once, to become everything all at once. So this year it’s all about breaking things down into simple achievable goals. I wrote more about this in my journal