Atypical

schizotypal_personality_disord_by_frishec-d3a524aby_frishec

There remains within me much that is unspoken

Swathed in superstition and self-loathing

A self that manifests in the absence of admission

*

I refuse to own these leathery wings

These wings which are not sired of heaven

But of red sulfurous earth

I will not offer my feathers to the sun

That I should be gifted them

Would be hope enough

*

I saw myself once in tempest

With my hair undone

And my eyes wild

With miscarried promises

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I saw myself and decided

That she was unwelcome

I had more palatable excuses in mind

None of which need recognize

The depth of my delusions

*

I can’t sleep with the closet open

There is a portal within

Which both welcomes and expels

I can’t offer the wrong tea cup

Lest it contain some unseen poison

I must wish you a safe journey

Lest you never return

I must say I love you often

Lest you forget or worse die

With a less deserving message

I talk to myself no matter

Whose watching

And there is always someone

Watching

*

I cannot shake the belief

That pictures can see

So I turn them around with apology

Whenever I want to be alone

I cannot help but find coincidence

Suspicious and I am certain to find

Hidden meanings if I dismantle

Conversations under the disfiguring light

Of a predestined full moon

I know that I am not simply puzzled

Rather I cannot extract myself

From my mind and the obsessions

Which drive my heart out of sync

*

Sometimes I feel my soul free inside

As if my flesh were a yielding void

Into which I had posthumously retired

Sometimes I feel as if I were estranged

From my carcass and the dimension

In which life as I know it resides

Sometimes I feel unbalanced

A downward facing pendulum

Drifting from left to right

At an exasperating pace

And I know that I am

Not quite myself

No matter which way

I am positioned

*

(This is the part of myself I don’t like to talk about. I’ve been called a space cadet my whole life but it is rather worse than that I can’t seem to participate in this world or to remain in it long enough to do anything meaningful. I am very much in my head and if I didn’t live with someone, didn’t have that one attachment I would have likely ceased altogether. Even as I type this I feel my mind slipping and I can’t think what I mean to say. I talk out loud probably for fear that I will lose my thoughts I guess I think if I hear them out loud it might help me to remember them. Anyways I entertain whole conversations in my head I think I’ve had them in real life and leave it. Sometimes Sam finds out important information years later. Let me tell you that creates big misunderstandings and a lot of guilt sometimes. When I take meds they make me feel tired and more disconnected, feeling more disconnected then I already do is so damn terrifying I just snap completely hence my no med policy. Anti-anxiety meds I find to be the worst for making one feel unreal, so no matter how intense my anxiety I cannot take them.)

Personality Test (with totems)

BFtzqmbCEAEDT5F.jpg largeAndrew Ferez

Today’s quiz is “What Planescape Torment Character are you” Don’t worry you don’t  need to know the game and it is essentially a personality profile. This one is quite long because you have 20 possible outcomes and I believe 13 questions. I still didn’t manage to get all the characters of interest in! I won’t be able to give you a picture for all the characters because many of them are secondary but where a picture is possible I will link it. You will naturally receive a detailed response including information on your totem =) Select all that apply. I make no distinctions between male and female so if you are male you could end up with a female character or vice versa.

Let’s talk communication

  1. I am known for my witty comebacks
  2. I have a very expressive face and I am a very good-listener
  3. I do my utmost to avoid conversation and to that end I can be quite rude
  4. I talk about myself a lot. I am a terrible listener.
  5. If I don’t agree with what is being said I don’t have issues ending the conversation and/or severing the relationship altogether.
  6. I am quite the story-teller and I love nothing more than to exchange stories
  7. I like to gossip and though I don’t mean harm I often stick my foot in my mouth.
  8. I have quite the foul mouth and I can be extremely offensive
  9. I enjoy flirting and personal conversation. I am physical.
  10. I’m very passionate but I am not always good at expressing my emotions
  11. I tend to attract tortured souls. I have an unusual charisma.
  12. I am reserved and quiet but if necessity dictates I can be very thorough in my explanations. I always consider the other person’s point of view.
  13. I refer to myself in the 3rd person and my speech is rather stilted with bits of technical information strewn about.
  14. I have a very difficult time following conversations.
  15. I am charming/friendly/open an engaging conversationalist
  16. I get easily agitated with others. I’d rather focus on my interests than socialize. That said if I find someone who is talented in my area of interest I will follow them around learning as much as I possibly can from them.
  17. I speak in riddles probing unashamedly into the minds of others.
  18. I tend to talk down to others. I am arrogant and intelligent and do not suffer fools.
  19. I like intellectually stimulating conversations and debates.
  20. I am persuasive, manipulative, and given to excessive cruelty

Choose the most suitable description of your wardrobe

  1. My clothes are baggy, worn and my appearance disheveled
  2. My wardrobe is bland and practical.
  3. I’m more or less washing out the same pair of underwear everyday
  4. I wear clothes that accentuate my voluptuous figure/muscular physique
  5. I dress with elegance and taste. I believe one’s scent is just as important as one’s wardrobe.
  6. I wear a frumpy house dress or the male equivalent.
  7. I like soft fabrics and fleshy tones. Long Bohemian skirts are appealing. Males casual.
  8. I like loud colors and fun patterns.
  9. I take very little notice of my clothing
  10. I wear work attire almost exclusively.
  11. I dress so that I may pass unnoticed.
  12. I have piercings, tattoos, and a penchant for leather.
  13. I like navy blues, blacks, and grays. Sensible colors, neat, quasi professional attire
  14. I know how to make an entrance I dress quite extravagantly
  15. I like corsets and full length skirts.
  16. Athletic clothes, I want something light, breathable and easy to move in. I don’t mind exposing flesh.
  17. I am quite dapper if I do say so.
  18. I like silver, bohemian jewelry, and dress with a subtle but undeniable sensuality
  19. I dress to get noticed, makeup is a must, manicures are a must, hair is a must. I am a girly girl and I am not ashamed to admit it.
  20. My fashion sense is a little off

Choose a facial expression

  1. A look of haughty disdain
  2. A soft far-away smile
  3. A look of listlessness
  4. A deeply penetrating scowl
  5. A look of eagerness or confusion
  6. I am comically animated, generally smiling
  7. A grimace
  8. A look of impatience/annoyance
  9. A seductive wink
  10. A big contagious grin
  11. A deranged/unsettling grin/growl
  12. An evil smile or look of disapproval
  13. A look of soul-draining scrutiny
  14. A hint of melancholy
  15. Processing come back later
  16. A back off smirk
  17. An inscrutable but charismatic smile
  18. I am afraid my face shows very little in the way of expression
  19. My appearance is pretty intimidating to be honest. I have a lot of scars
  20. An unwavering stare

It’s your last meal what would you eat?

  1. So long as there’s meat and beer I’m set
  2. Candy!
  3. As if I would eat…I don’t want to look bloated in my dress!
  4. Something from my homeland
  5. Something spicy
  6. Something exotic and illegal
  7. A big elaborate parfait
  8. The heart of my enemy
  9. Something expensive and French
  10. Sushi
  11. My favorite so something like pizza or a cheeseburger
  12. Just so the wine is good and the company engaging I am set
  13. Bring out the ladies!
  14. I’d prefer to dine alone and reflect
  15. Maybe a buffet lots of food big variety
  16. I’d rather spend the night dancing/making love
  17. I’d rather tie up lose ends
  18. I have no need of food I would rather spend my last moments mentally engaged and/or meditating
  19. The soul of my beloved
  20. I’d take the risk and try something new

Can people change?

  1. Yes but it is exceedingly difficult I should know I have made some major changes in my own life
  2. I haven’t figured out who I am yet
  3. The past always catches up to you
  4. People can be broken
  5. People rarely change in my experience but sometimes they surprise you
  6. Knowing oneself is tantamount
  7. People change if they’ve got a good enough reason
  8. Change is necessary but it is also frightening
  9. We are made as we are for a reason
  10. People never change
  11. One’s true nature always shines through. Why fight it?
  12. I fight every day to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes as my parents
  13. If you have a problem with me, that’s not my problem got it? I don’t change for anyone.
  14. I am who I am take it or leave it berk
  15. Sure why not? I mean if they want it bad enough.
  16. I am not really sure if they can but no matter what I do I am always the same
  17. No they can’t so choose your friends wisely
  18. People are either worth my time or they are not. I have no interest in settling for a subpar mate.
  19. People are fickle
  20. “What can change the nature of a man?”

Choose an animal

  1. Octopus
  2. Giraffe
  3. Snake
  4. Goat
  5. Thoroughbred
  6. Ram
  7. Pheasant
  8. Coyote
  9. Weasel
  10. Magpie
  11. Wren
  12. Shark
  13. Dove
  14. Squirrel
  15. Owl
  16. Hedgehog
  17. Lion
  18. Armadillo
  19. Humming Bird
  20. Cicada

 

Choose a fitness activity

  1. Pilates
  2. Ballet
  3. Tai Chi
  4. Weight-lifting
  5. Archery
  6. Krav Maga
  7. Swimming
  8. Yoga
  9. Gymnastics
  10. Contemporary or Modern Dance
  11. HIIT
  12. Are you kidding me? I don’t exercise!
  13. Belly Dancing, Poll Dancing something fun and a little sexy
  14. I have a high metabolism
  15. I am active but I don’t follow an exercise regime
  16. Boxing
  17. I fidget a lot does that count?
  18. I prefer something high energy and fun preferably with friends
  19. Running it’s a good way to clear my head
  20. Martial Arts

Choose a genre of music

  1. Classical
  2. Jazz
  3. J-Pop/Pop or Country
  4. R&B/Pop/Soul
  5. Industrial/Punk
  6. Alternative Rock
  7. Opera
  8. Blues
  9. I prefer live music
  10. Dubstep
  11. I listen to pretty much anything
  12. Classic Rock
  13. Creepy Instrumentals
  14. I don’t listen to music
  15. Rave/Electronica/Techno
  16. Singer/Songwriter
  17. Chant
  18. Indie
  19. Hard Rock/Metal
  20. Goth

Select all conditions that apply

  1. Schizotypal Personality Disorder
  2. ADHD
  3. Amnesia, Dementia, or Epilepsy
  4. Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism
  5. Frequent night terrors/nightmares
  6. Paranoid Personality Disorder
  7. Oppositional Defiant Disorder
  8. I have occasional bouts of Depression
  9. I am a bit of a drama queen
  10. I am a bit of a perfectionist
  11. I have sticky fingers and a bit of an attitude problem
  12. Schizoid Personality Disorder (passivity, lack of emotional expression, indifference to praise or blame)
  13. Psychopathy
  14. Narcissistic Personality Disorder
  15. I admit I’m a bit of a coward at times
  16. I prefer to be left alone if that makes me anti-social so be it
  17. I lost my way once and it resulted in some unfortunate events
  18. I sometimes run away from my problems
  19. Pyromania
  20. I prefer not to say

Are you honest?

  1. I’m a loyal companion but I’ve got a few hide-saving secrets if you get my drift
  2. I have things I’d rather not disclose about myself but I will do as duty compels.
  3. I am not good at keeping secrets mine or anybody elses.
  4. In order to survive/protect I will lie. I am slow to warm up as well.
  5. I can become extremely unstable/hostile if people probe into my mind/heart too much
  6. A person is entitled to some secrets.
  7. I am sarcastic, I like to joke around but what you see is pretty much what you get with me.
  8. There’s a man living in my closet and nobody believes me. I get confused about reality sometimes ya know?
  9. Brutally and I am not interested in other people’s opinions/beliefs.
  10. I stick to the facts. I am very literal.
  11. I am honest but I would tell a secret if it was in the someone’s best interest to do so. I would not keep a secret though cause harm.
  12. I have a pretty faulty memory.
  13. I tell white lies who doesn’t? I am faithful though.
  14. I’d say anything to get my way.
  15. I use deception as a means to get close to others and probe into their sub-conscious minds.
  16. I don’t put on airs and sometimes I am a little mean.
  17. I lie about my past because it is too painful to talk about. Other than that my lies are really pretty harmless I try not to hurt anyone.
  18. I am both open and reserved. I wouldn’t say I was a liar though.
  19. I am honest and accurate in my recall.
  20. I would appreciate if people respected my privacy. I know how to behave in public and I am private but I am not disingenuous. If I give a compliment it has been earned.

Are your attractive to the sex of your choice?

  1. Absolutely (in my imagination)
  2. I’m cute/friendly but easily embarrassed when it comes to romantic things
  3. I am exotic and passionate so of course!
  4. So much so that it sometimes creates unwanted jealousy
  5. While I am not unattractive I am asexual and therefore I would not make for a good partner.
  6. I have my share of suitors but my heart belongs to only one.
  7. I run a little hot and cold which drives some people a little wild.
  8. I am really really awkward
  9. I am focused on my career
  10. I am hideously unattractive.
  11. I take what and who I want by force. I have strong features and my appearance is a bit intimidating
  12. Very it gets tedious sometimes
  13. My personality is abrasive and my looks unorthodox but I am not unpopular
  14. I have no romantic interests
  15. I repulse some and bring others to the point of obsession
  16. I used to be beautiful
  17. Question does not compute…how is this relevant to the quiz?
  18. I am quite fetching but a little hard to get intimately close to
  19. Irresistible but I am careful who I get close to
  20. There is one person who is very taken with me

How’s your temper?

  1. Explosive/Violent
  2. I have little patience for stupidity but I know how to compose myself
  3. I am quick-tempered and expressive
  4. I am very patient and rarely lose my temper
  5. I am extremely unstable and prone to lashing out
  6. I usually combat uncomfortable situations with humor
  7. I am very erratic as for anger I take it out on myself rather than others
  8. I take my anger out on others
  9. I can spend years plotting revenge
  10. I rarely lose my temper but if I do I tend to become silent
  11. I tend to avoid confrontation it makes me very anxious
  12. I am cute when I am angry. I am not very good at standing up for myself.
  13. I am always grumpy and I am pretty free with the insults
  14. I like to be left alone when I am angry the consequences could be very severe if you push your luck
  15. I never lose my temper. I like to talk out my problems like a rational and civilized adult.
  16. I have a dark side we’ll leave it at that
  17. I get frustrated with myself and with unclear directives
  18. I pout, sulk, complain incessantly when I don’t get my way
  19. I like to have a good time and I am pretty tolerant but I can get pretty feisty when wound up
  20. It would take a good deal to make me mad as I consider myself to be a very reasonable and affable person but I would think it very unwise to try

What do you value above all?

  1. Freedom
  2. Experience
  3. Self-expression
  4. Knowledge (I like to solve puzzles)
  5. Money/Power
  6. Individuality
  7. Justice
  8. Self-knowledge
  9. A specific person
  10. Happiness
  11. Love
  12. Friendship
  13. Personal growth
  14. Magic
  15. Duty
  16. Memories/Roots
  17. Life
  18. Family
  19. Peace
  20. Stories

Pen

penThere is something

Tyrannical about the pen

The way it wags back and forth

Like an admonishment

Eradicating, replicating, reinventing

My thoughts are unsafe

Beneath its blue-veined insistence

All that is within me impoverished

Will be executed

As proof of perseverance

*

What is the deal with the annoying ads =(

Banished

hq-best-dragons-high-quality-hd-wallpaper-6021-6021free online wallpaper

Guilt predates my experience of failure

I is worthless even when chanted in unison

There’s no excusing oneself from the universe

Even in death we surreptitiously return

Birds passing from one landscape

Into the hormonal flush of a nascent sky

*

I am in dire need of alternative

A lattice work trellis poised for admission

Yet all I find are locked casements

That shelter abandoned rooms

Not worth the risk of trespass

*

I’ve banished hope

In order to override denial

The dragons are free

The hero being

Just another vandal

Distributing loveless letters

To passing strangers

Pleading for that which she

Most fears, freedom

*

Today’s poem is very personal

Vengeance

revenge

Jennifer Healy

I gather dry leaves

In the pockets of unattached wounds

Remorse is the flint

Of a presumptuous nostalgia

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In the winter of requital

I hold the catatonic embryos

Of my former acquisitions

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To whom do I chain this beast

This beast that lumbers within

The collapsible furnace

Of my indefensible heart?

Stage

stageBeautiful but circuitous

I remain estranged

Salutations that never

Extend invitation

Lips too buoyant

To indulge profundity

*

There is loneliness

In the sustainment of doubt

There is loneliness

In a sealed heart that grows

Emptier with the passage of time

*

To possess a tongue without guile

A betrayal to both barer and expectancy

There is freedom in awkwardness

In the way it forbids assimilation

*

I am not an actress and no stage

No matter how obliquitous

Could detain me

Prompt 40 Sheer Wonder

sheerwonderThis week’s prompt is sheer wonder. Immediately I think of childhood the first time you look through a telescope, your first visit to an aquarium, waking up on Christmas morning, ball games etc. Of course adults can experience such moments as well riding in a hot air balloon, reaching the summit after a long hike, visiting a foreign land, viewing a meteor shower, riding in a helicopter, scuba diving the list is endless. Moments of sheer wonder don’t have to coincide with major events, looking at the ocean, taking a walk, reading about a new technology, listening to a TED talk we can experience these extraordinary moments in our ordinary lives as well!

Crux

8289038209_e2343a19fe_zMy bones are beautiful where they rest

In the crux of your loving disposition

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There is wonder in romance,

In the capacity of a soul

That had seemed too savage

For reprieve

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Poetry is composed

As a human heart

Wild but reticent

I divide continents

And constituents

Into chambers for both

Conquest and exaltation

*

There’s nothing as decadent as introspection

The dimensions I’ve seen overtake the stars

In both eradicative and incendiary capacity

*

This is a hint for the prompt

Lure

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI love the way you move like an angler fish

Proclaiming light in assist of predation

*

Spurious but nonsensical

I watch you scrap acrylic paint

From beneath your fingernails

There is something incapacitating

About your art, the way it arrests

The larynx and by default expression

*

There are ten steps from your door to mine

I wear them into my soles daily

You perpetuate my experience of humiliation

By always keeping your door ajar

*

I’ve glimpsed your heart red and buoyant

Like a semi-submerged apple

In an antiquated game

To taste your flesh would be preemptive

Of murder but whose I am not sure

*

You consume without love

Only those whom you can mesmerize.

There’s too much effort in nonchalance

So you wait, nudging my palate

With a sweetness that is not entirely synthetic

Given your avaricious attention to detail

Scion

IMG_8731-rt-HPLara Solomon

I want to surrender

At the behest of your eyes

To feel your unvoiced tongue

Tuning my tremulous limbs

Like a marionette pre-flight

*

I want to feel your cadence

Permeating every fragment of

My cardiac infrastructure

As uncompromising

As chemical dependence

*

You whom I hold in proximity

Only to the sun, a scion of light

In trespass of my exhalation

I want to falter under

Your counterfeit gravity

Impervious save for lust

*

I am hard at work on my book now so I am a little preoccupied but I will do my utmost to continue to bring you poems daily!