A viperous cape,

This stale room

With its chalky air

Divests resolve

In the dark,

Cautiously violent

I wait for furious shades

To absolve


Carmine is

The consequence

Of silence

A pacifist, I refuse

To partake in any war

For which I

Do not occupy

Both sides



(I don’t self-harm so I was a little surprised that I wrote this. I think it might have to do with my stress level which is very high at the moment. My therapist decided today that she would like to transfer me to a psychiatrist in the hospital. I won’t be hospitalized or anything it is just that they have more resources and can handle patients with greater needs. She thinks my childhood was too traumatic (honestly she seemed scared when I told her not of me but my past really seemed to shock her)? She can’t make diagnoses either should I have something diagnosable. She is very nice and although I understand intellectually it still unnerves me. I mean really unnerves me. I like her andย  I still find it very challenging and stressful to hit my appointments. A new person eeeekkkkk)


19 thoughts on “Cautiously Violent

  1. You take care of yourself as best as you can, and hope for the best. Maybe this new doctor could prove very good for you. Best of luck and wishing well and praying for you. Take care my friend and God bless.

  2. Stress is a form of self-harm, so it makes sense that this poem would manifest out of it. I would defer to the clinical judgment of your therapist as it sounds like she is limited in what she is able to offer in terms of treatment. The anticipation can be worse than the reality.

    1. I totally understand her rationale and agree with her decision fully but I am nervous as I have met far more bad doctors than good ones! I do think I need more than simple talk therapy though. I am the introspective sort naturally so I have explored the issues quite deeply on my own, I need some practical hands on assistance as well

  3. Your piece is dark but beautiful. ๐Ÿ™‚ I read your note and I was pleased to see you do agree with your therapists decision because a psychiatrist will have better resources for you. I also know there are many bad doctors roaming but have faith that she is helping you find one that will fit you. I know it is easy to tell someone not to stress and really doesn’t work….but have faith. ๐Ÿ™‚ Now I am sending you many positive vibes and hugs your way.

  4. i would listen to your counselor….if they think you could benefit from more tools…all the better…
    def a darker tone to this one…the last stanza is very interesting on occupying both sides at the same time….
    i hope the stress alleves for you….

  5. All the best to you, and remember that new person is probably a little scary of meeting you. You are going to be OK, when we grow a little older we have to nurture ourselves, and keep telling yourself, you are going to be OK. Let go of the stress as best you can, it’s probably like a cold, and will go itself in its’ own time.

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