Bully

bully

Moths know the rapture

Of which I speak

The fixation

On an unattainable aesthete

She was above penance,

An insatiable tease

I fell upon her edicts,

Servile, naive

*

I understood

Humiliation,

It did not offend me

I wanted to expand

My isolating margins

To belong,

Even at the risk

Of acquiring a new self

I did not want

To become cruel

To become consumptive

In a defenseless rage

I avoided confrontation

By asserting humanity

In those hearts

Most craven

Good surely exists

The default

In us all

*

She coerced me into attendance

I took great pains

In preparation for the dance

Ecstatic and delusional

I miscalculated her savagery

A coven of histrionic harpies

Subdued me

My deepest insecurities

Slipping from greasy lips

Once presumed

Guileless

I understood humiliation

That night

It defined me

*

I hid in my room

Under the guise of illness

My mother was indulgent

But she was not deceived

*

It occurred to me

That my nemesis

Was just a little girl

Same as I

A hurting, vicious little girl

The external component

Of my internal war

I returned to school

Sat beside her as before

My life was not hers

To lead,

I moved forward

And lost track of her

Entirely

=

When I was in 4th grade I was being bullied by a girl in my class. The bullying didn’t bother me that much because as you know my social skills are very poor so I was incapable of fully understanding the situation. I knew she wasn’t nice but I saw no reason to be mean to her and in truth I was intrigued by her because she was my opposite in so many ways. When the school dance came around she invited me and I went. I brought another friend and we dressed up. I thought I looked quite nice and I was very excited (I was hoping a boy would ask me to dance). As soon as I arrived I was swarmed by a group of girls (she was the ring leader) and they started making fun of me. That was the first time she really hurt me, all the other petty stuff hadn’t bothered me too much. I stayed out of school for several days and my mom didn’t have the heart to force me because she saw how hurt I was. After my realization I felt much better. I went to school and when she realized she couldn’t get to me she left me alone or she didn’t but if she didn’t I didn’t notice anymore. After that if people teased me we would just end up joking and on friendly terms. I found out that I am actually pretty good at disarming people.

Okay now for different part of today’s post

My Advice: Don’t let another person define you

My solution/suggestion: This is not comprehensive and it is naive keep in mind I spend 95% of my time in my own world lol

Every school should have mandatory classes on communication and conflict resolution. In college my major required me to take such a course and it was absolutely invaluable, probably the most relevant course I have ever taken. Communication is essential in all areas of life, listening is part of communication, learning to express your feelings in a healthy way is part of communication.

There are two types of people (generally) those who internalize their feelings and turn their negative emotions inward and those who externalize their feelings and lash out at others. Both types can have difficulty expressing themselves in a healthy manner. All human beings have a fundamental need to express themselves. Children especially can lack the ability to communicate complex feelings. I have a  5 year old daughter and I have found that just punishing her does not work. When she acts out it is often a result of stress or emotional struggles. While it takes time talking to her and asking her questions and giving her an opportunity to vent works wonders. After a good talk her behavior improves dramatically and she isn’t just behaving for fear of punishment, she is behaving because she feels good inside. There is a huge difference!!!!!! There are times when punishment is necessary of course but punishment without conversation is ineffective. Positive reinforcement is much more effective than punishment. Rarely do we acknowledge our children’s good behaviors both teachers and parents should be more mindful in that respect.

Speaking of outlets physical exercise is a healthy way of dealing with stress (PE should be fun and safe not violent and competitive the way I recall it). I also think art classes and creative writing are great ways for kids to express themselves. We need to talk more to our kids and if teachers to our students. All to often we get in this mind frame I am the adult what you have to say is not as important. We often think of children as fickle and so we think their feelings aren’t real. Their feelings are REAL and IMPORTANT!

Kids caught bullying should have to spend time with the school counselor I don’t mean just for a few minutes but for a couple of sessions. If at that time the counselor decides additional therapy is necessary the school needs to help with the arrangements or have a psychologist on staff to help children who may not have the financial resources for outside counseling. If during the counseling session abuse is suspected then the parents of the child need to be evaluated.

Teachers caught bullying and discriminating against a students based on race, sexuality, athletic prowess, academic performance, religion etc. should also have to undergo counseling and they should be punished. If the problem persists they need to be fired because it is completely unacceptable (depending on severity and if there was physical assault involved they may need to be fired right away). Likewise teachers who tolerate or encourage bullying in their classrooms should have to undergo counseling. Teachers will also be required to have communication courses and attend workshops.

Bullying should NOT be ignored and it should be talked about!

Well that is just some of my ideas on the subject.