In my eyes you always ascend

A moon amongst stars heavily crossed

A poem with a lamentable end


On ritual we came to depend

The value of labor, to comfort lost

In my eyes you always ascend


For peace we often pretend

How invasive this winter frost

A poem with a lamentable end


Let us not secrets but intimacy defend

For love, sanity is a meager cost

In my eyes you always ascend


In aspersion we invariably descend

Temperaments on tempest tossed

A poem with a lamentable end


If only an apology could mend

But hearts do not burn on exhaust

A poem with a lamentable end


First I want to give credit to my inspiration for attempting a Villanelle.  My poem might not be a true Villanelle as I always miss something when tackling an unpracticed  form.

I thought it might help if I had a little structure and I think it did because I was so absorbed writing the poem and working out the form that I was able to let go of my stress. I have a few forms I use haiku, tanka and what not but I tend to avoid rhyming forms not that I dislike them just that my brain doesn’t really work that way. They are a challenge. I love Villanelle though (check the link and you will see the form in its true glory) and I think it is important to challenge yourself.  I don’t think I ever do justice to the forms.

28 responses to “Lament

  1. ‘For love, sanity is a meagre cost’ what a wonder expression and a thought as to the power of love. Beautiful.

  2. You captured the form wonderfully, as well as the froms and everything in between. This is an absolutely beautiful villanelle and automatically denounces your claim that rhythm is not one of your strengths. I would love to put it on the challenge post with your permission.

  3. Pingback: Nothing Left: A Villanelle and Challenge | Reowr·

  4. This was a brilliant vilanelle! I loved the repeating lines you picked and how you constructed everything around them to deliver a very powerfull, indepth, heartstring poem.

  5. Oh with your wonderful way with words, you can do justice to any form or writing style. 🙂 Such a rare and beautiful talent you have. 🙂

  6. It’s excellent as always. But in my opinion, M, maybe it’s just me, but I don’t really enjoy when you write in some traditional form (I hate all poetic forms except haiku lol). It feels like watching a show, while reading a poem should be like a heart to heart conversation. I just think that your wonderful way with words shouldn’t be limited by forms, unless it’s a form you yourself create 🙂

    • Awww thank you I don’t plan to convert and write only in form I do it occasionally for the challenge.I feel that substance is lost with strict forms in some cases, with my own work at least but I want to overcome that someday/somehow. Don’t worry though most of my work will be free verse with the occasional haiku (I love haiku). I much much prefer free verse it just feels right for me =)

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