Absinthian

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These absinthian moods

Dissolve in occupancy

This heart, worm-ridden,

Collapses under pressure

Creases at every seam

Slips morosely

Into the small intestine

Assimilates in the cells

*

Incoherent filaments adrift

A nameless pain

An insipid hunger

Appeased in the simple act

Of mastication

All I ever wanted

Was to feel whole

*

The warmth of consumption

Rekindles my tongue

A tongue palate-stitched

In the presence of injustice

I became

That which I kept

Imprisoned

The punishing guilt

The shame

Demons whose physiognomy

Overtook my own

Demons who destroy

The lovers they seize

*

I am invincible in darkness

The way I endure

Even when reduced

To nothing

I wear a child’s smile

That you might hesitate

To strike

I speak to myself

In your voice, father

If I am not beautiful

If I am not promiscuous

Then I will never be loved

I am neither

So I stand with the weight

Of this extra flesh

And I pretend

That food can fill

Every void within

*

If I grow bigger than you

Perhaps then you will not possess

The power to hurt me

The desire to rape me

I will be as formidable

And concentrated as stone

A holy monolith

Complete in and of itself

*

When I was a child I was overweight and though I am now a healthy weight and have not been overweight for years (a few pounds overweight right after I gave birth) I still struggle with food. I think of food obsessively. When I finish one meal I am planning the next. I won’t go out if I don’t think food will be readily available. I can eat horrific amounts and don’t get full the way others do (an empty stomach freaks me out) I almost never go back for seconds but I will never leave a plate uncleaned so I always portion my plate properly so I can eat everything on it. I hate my body emotionally even though intellectually I understand it is a normal body, a good body in what it allows me to do but I look at it and I still see that fat girl. While usually I tune society out I admit the unrealistic expectations get to me as well.

 

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Prompt 19 Food

food1

Food conjures up very different emotions/images/thoughts for all us

Starvation and poverty

Celebration

Cooking

Body Image

Indulgence

Guilt

Revulsion

Pleasure

Childhood

Community/Friendship

Religion/Spirituality

Eating Disorders

Food Service

Farming

Health/NutritionĀ 

Art

Deprivation

Dieting

Survival

Apathy

Chocolate (ahem!)

Addiction

You get the idea. This prompt is massive lol Pick one or more and run with it =) Pictures are also welcome!