skulls

My mouth is a fountainhead

Laughter welling, metaphysical

From shivering lips,

Lips that mustn’t and cannot

Silence the hysterics of drowning breaths

*

I know the terror of cachinnation

When it births from a sourceless despair

The gut-stripping panic of neurons

Alighting red and bloodless

*

I know my body as a grave

Inside of which the discarnate ā€œIā€ heaves

Inside of which, that same fragile bird must nest

Regardless of the parasitical hatchlings

That mercilessly devour her chicks

*

I cohabit with demons

Frozen in graceless pallor

Voice singing, nostrils raised in alarm

Like the hackles of an aggrieved beast

I wouldn’t recognize myself in a crowd

Features unzipped, tongue insurmountable

*

Have you ever seen a dead man smile?

Electric pulse wrenching the mouth free of flesh

Humor impassive, teeth angled for incision

Eyes dim as the sockets wherein they perish

That aspect

Which mocks and enslaves all hearts to fall upon it

That aspect

Which I must unwillingly bear

Despite the inconsolable tears to follow

=

This poem is about my experience with Gelastic seizures aka laughing seizures. I think in one of my previous posts I went into detail but I can’t recall whatever the case feel free to ask questions!

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30 thoughts on “Discarnate

  1. Oh! Dark humor… Was that it!?
    Great… it was amazing. I didn’t know whether to laugh or be saddened by the description. I am still confused actually.
    You aggravated every facial feature (when a person laughs) in your words. Great job!

    1. I mentioned in the note I was referring to a type of seizure

      A Gelastic seizure or laughing seizure is exactly that a bout of hysterical but empty laughter that is outright creepy to the witness and terrifying to the one experiencing it. Usually these seizures are followed my automatisms (like fidgeting or lip smacking, I tend to sob hysterically afterwards) and may precede another type of seizure such as a tonic clonic and atonic seizure. I have dropped after one of these seizures. Luckily these are quite infrequent because they are not just terrifying but the post ictal phase is debilitating. I have lost the ability to walk at all after. I have slept for as much as 48 hours. When I have them they seem to effect me very severely and I lose functions. While laughing or seizing you feel this acute sense of disconnect and doom, I think they might invoke reactions similar to a panic attack because you feel an intense fear that you will die or like your heart is going to stop. The section with the birds I am just talking about Epilepsy seems to eat your memories

      1. I am so sorry. I didn’t read the note. I was so engrossed in the poem that I just wrote up a comment and posted it.
        I have been so rude and ignorant. I am so sorry. There is no excuse. I must have been careful.
        I don’t know what else to say. I regret what I wrote deeply. I sincerely apologize.

      2. I figured you missed the note because your interpretation makes perfect sense without it, Gelastic seizures are very rare and if you haven’t had one I think it would be difficult to grasp without an explanation of the phenomenon. I miss things too or sometimes I read something and interpret it one way and a few minutes later it settles and I think wait a minute! I am not mad at all, no apology needed. I should have provided the definition from the start.

  2. Reading this gave me chills, especially at the part where you wrote “Have you ever seen a dead man smile?”. I really admire your strenght and courage and willingness to share everything out like this, but I also hope that my voice and letter,to be mroe precise, of support brighten your day.

  3. As I read this, I thought that in many ways it is similar to when Lose complete control in a fit of anger. You have an awesome way of expressing emotion. You draw the reader in and we (or at least I) feel as if we are somewhere inside you waiting…hoping for the next word.
    Thank for the explanation on Gelastic seizures. I had never heard of that before.

    1. I agree i think this poem can be read in a few ways. Thank you so much Grizz for your kind words. I hadn’t heard of them either until recently despite having them for a long time I didn’t know what it was.

  4. Very powerful. You amaze me with the structure of your words. Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal. šŸ™‚

  5. “Features unzipped, tongue insurmountable” – this is such a macabre, but wonderfully descriptive image!

  6. Wow, you have really taken me inside the sensation and emotion — so many incredible images! I’ve often said that a poet is one who can make me feel most complicated and unfamiliar ideas and experiences in my gut. You have done this, thank you.

  7. dark and powerful. sometimes taken aback at how descriptive you can be. Often difficult reads, without any hint of solicitation. You never ask for pity or apologize for sharing your reality in your work and that in part adds to its power.

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