My smile sits curdling

In vehement neglect

Wicked eremite

Indulging imperfection

Violent against facade


I’m a pack-less beast,

Loyal to secrets and souls

But irascible

Within the fabrications

Of an elitist cabal


I prefer my pen

To company and dialogue

Journals to teacups

Words that on reflection

Discern without revising


You lie underneath

The lens of my hexed right eye

A stigma within

An oversight replaying

Prophetically without


The picture is me I was holding my hair back because it was swallowing the picture I looked like a moon being devoured by tentacles with it down lol This picture came out okay, I can’t tell you how often I look genuinely deformed in photographs.  Some tanka revealing some of my less desirable attributes!


18 thoughts on “Solitary

  1. I didn’t catch the moon and it’s tentacles only a haunting picture of a very interesting woman.
    having a love affair with a pen is logical. I feel like that very often because I am able to express what I feel.

    1. In the other images with my hair down (I have big hair and it kind of overtakes everything lol) I feel most comfortable writing even when I am challenged and stuck. Thank you so much Grizz =)

  2. You have such a wonderful way with words. I love how you expand my vocabulary with your posts too. I just learned what eremite means. 🙂

    1. Thank you =) Aside from family and online I haven’t spent time with anyone for a few years now. To be any less social I would have to go dig a hole in the yard and take to living underground. I like people so I have no idea why, I think it is that with Epilepsy I am not managing or accomplishing as much as I need to or want to so I am having trouble understanding how to balance.

      1. I love people too M and do so love the interactions of blogging, but I deliberately curtail social interaction outside of my workplace. I guess this is the introverted me of which I find comfortable.

        Living with epilepsy must be difficult and from your writing, it appears to loom so much into your life and I can imagine how it impedes your dreams and aspirations.

        Thinking of you dear M.
        Anna. xxx

      2. Unfortunately it does if it weren’t raging out of control and I had some way to manage it I think it would be a little easier. I have to go to bed at the same time every night so that reduces the interactions I could have as people work and don’t get together until the evenings. I have social phobia so I find even in good company I am stressed highly alert and once I stat to get tired the seizures begin. It probably is a little nerve-wracking to take someone out who is having seizures. It is hard to make friends because I can appear insensitive when I can’t recall something, when I don’t recognize someone, when I tune out during a conversation, or when I am unreasonably confused and irritable. After a seizure I tend to get cranky and to walk off or just leave without saying anything, don’t ask where I am going I have no idea because I am in a daze. Once a friend tried to explain I was in the wrong apartment building but I was so stubborn and belligerent I just would not believe her. I have walked out of classes in school as well. I am not really myself during my seizures and the post ictal stage. Sometimes people take advantage that I space out so severely so I have to be extra careful and I feel like people have to babysit me. I don’t feel on equal footing. I can’t get too hungry either because the blood sugar changes can cause a seizure. I haven’t yet found a therapist who works with people with Epilepsy I have been turned down countless times. I haven’t had a job since college (and I originally was turned down for that job as well). I can’t blame anyone for not hiring me I can’t drive or operate heavy equipment and think of all the stealing people could do if I was watching a shop! Then there is the language barrier I learn so slowly and forget so rapidly.

  3. nice hook in the opening lines…the curdling smile…packless beast…i think you are being hard on yourself a bit, maybe its the weight of reality…i know it has to be hard with all the seizures…and sometimes reading your words wonder how you do it…

    1. Thanks so much Brian, writing is about the only thing I can do weirly, it is how I think, how I organize, how I retrieve. I might be having a day where I’ve put the hotdogs in the bread basket, set two towels on fire, broken several dishes, left wet clothes in the laundry for yet another day, found a homemade cake with the clean towels and so and so on but I can still write.I might not be a great writer or anything but for some reason, it’s like breathing. A lot of people with Epilepsy have Hypergraphia oddly

  4. I often see my poetry style as being rather simple and to the point. Your own is so very different, encompassing a range of images and feelings and when I read I can almost sense what it must be like to be at the mercy of things which you cannot control. Your poetry creates a powerful feeling of poignant despair, anger, abuse abandon and loss. I say this because it makes for engaging reading and evokes empathy from those who do read. The poem above, less so than others, and though less despairing, it is equally engaging while being very revealing as to the poets inner turmoil. I guess I’m rambling, but I enjoyed this very much!

    1. Awwww thank you so much Scott, that is such a beautiful compliment! I am at a lose for words but I am very moved and flattered. I love your poetry you have a flow and a polish of professionalism that I lack, a wisdom as well as molten core =)

  5. When reading your work, I am always astounded by your unique style and how your love of words shines through. You are a wonderful poet, one of the best I have encountered. Another great one!

  6. “My smile sits curdling” great opening line drew me right in… and then “I prefer my pen

    To company and dialogue

    Journals to teacups

    Words that on reflection

    Discern without revising” is so relatable! 🙂

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