dead_bird_adp

The darkness is always right-handed, my pupil drinking

In a quixotic iris. Admonishing the light I see in shadow

Puppets, in murders, in fiendish feathers spinning, to an

Entropic earth. I walk amongst the clouds, winged ankles

Scorning the root. I am deviant, asymmetrical, a telephone cable

Unsheathed and dancing in rain. Abused by a demonic parasite if

Superstition holds. My mind growls, reality menaces a sea of

Confusion, of broken hands and fang-baring smiles. I am not

Myself, if I ever I was, I am not myself, it takes too much to

Love me, too much patience, too much repetition. The world

Will teach me uncertainty, how to drown, how to fall, but not

How to land. I will never know what is mine, this reptilian soul

Keeps shedding my hopes and dreams, this reptilian soul that

Never grows old, never wiser, and I am always new, always

Maladjusted. My language excised from the veins, from the

Bones, from the leaks, from the residue wept in hollows deep

=

The clouds drift by me

Winged ankles scorning the root

Courting anarchy

=

My language excised

From laconic residue

Wept in hollows deep

=

This is isn’t quite a Haibun but it is something lol I am in my seizure cycle again, which means the seizure frequency is way up and I am not recovering between them sufficiently to be even remotely functional. I am beyond exhausted and in a dense mental fog. After a seizure my right pupil tends to enlarge without the left so I look kind of like a psychotic cartoon. I want to apologize if I am slow or if I am not making sense when I post and/or comment or if I like without comment. If I don’t seem like myself well it is because I am not right in the head lol. I am extremely forgetful now so I may forget names or even my favorite blog’s addresses the blog roll helps me but I haven’t added everyone so please send me links if there is something you want me to read. Anyways, I want to share a weird story, a very old woman came up to me yesterday and gave me a white zucchini, she explained to me carefully that is wasn’t a cucumber and that is was delicious. She didn’t want money and since she gave me the zucchini my husband has found about $95 in random places! I wasn’t hallucinating because I have the zucchini (which others can see) and Isadora remembers the woman lol So yeah a stranger came up to me in the street and gave me a zucchini (not from a produce stand mind you, not at the grocery just randomly)

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19 thoughts on “Synaptic Fugue

  1. “Winged ankles scorning the root” – wonderful.

    I’m sorry about the seizures and I hope that they pass soon.

    As for the story about the old lady and white zucchini – truth is stranger than fiction – Lol! Maybe white zucchini has healing properties that you don’t know about…
    xox

    1. I hope so too they seem to be particularly bad one week of every month, my periods were stopped totally encase it was my hormones but it hasn’t helped. I have them of course the other 3 weeks too but for a week it is totally debilitating.

      You know they probably do, it is one of those baffling but nevertheless amusing moments in life

  2. Does medication not help somewhat for the seizures? It sounds horrible to be having them all the time. I can’t imagine what that would be like, but it makes me very sad. I hope this is something that will get better soon.

    1. No sadly I haven’t found a medication that works on me, I am trying to find a diet and I always wake up and go to bed at the same time to be sure I get rest, I exercise and try to manage my stress I am trying to have a healthy lifestyle because that never hurts but I can’t get this under control. I did look into brain surgery but it effects too much of my brain for that to be possible. There is a device like a pacemaker for the brain not sure if that will work for me, you absolutely cannot use that and have heart problems I have brachycardia so I am not sure

      1. I hope the diet and lifestyle changes make a difference. The idea of brain surgery is definitely daunting and should be the last resort when nothing else works. The brain pacemaker sounds like it could be promising. You should ask for more details about the contraindications for it.

      2. Brain surgery is terrifying especially because it can alter your personality and cause memory loss (more memory problems no thank you). I might not have the best personality or anything but I don’t want to become someone else either lol I have some avenues to pursue I really hope to find something soon. Thank you so much =)

  3. I am deviant, asymmetrical, a telephone cable
    Unsheathed and dancing in rain…ha love the description…and left to its own devices the world will teach you many of those things….def felt the visceral feeling in this one…hope the cycle passes on through for you….

    1. Thank you very much Brian =) If in keeping with the pattern it should after the week, why it has to be so long I don’t know. Finding a job where you can’t work for 1 week every month impossible

  4. I really hope the seizures pass soon, M. Very soon. After reading this, I remembered all my complaints yesterday and now feel ashamed. You’re a tough person. 🙂

  5. I just want to say that your words, your talent touch me. So much power, and beauty.

    I do hope you get relief soon from the seizures. Sending healing thoughts your way along with some virtual hugs.

    The story about the zucchini is priceless. That had to make your day! 🙂

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