June 29, 2013 – mindlovemisery

Gehenna

In a ruined temple

I offered my heart. as small

As an infant’s fist

I held my tongue when

Faced with your authority

Defenseless and scared

I truly believed

In time you would love me as

I needed to be

As a daughter not

As a surrogate to my

Very own mother

Was I born broken

Or did the light displace a

Structural darkness?

I recall your hands

Peeling wool from a flock-less

Sheep to hide your sin

Grinding bone so that

Crippled I would never walk

On my own again

It was your black veins

Spiraling around my throat

To silence the screams

Never the monster

I supposed myself to be

Now a willing stray

What have I become?

An unchecked antihero

Denouncing all love

A dragon-scaled waif

Patiently suicidal

Tending Gehenna

Well

Windows black as a night sky unpinned

Eyes darker still, mouth a well, an

Open-mouthed ossuary, in my soul the

Bones of a dead child turning tricks at

A critical deficit. I am a little more broken

Than I thought I would be, in the end a

Savior unsaleable, ophidian these neural

Pathways exiled by repeated exposure

To wicked trees, I opened my eyes only to

Blink you were there father remember?

(I read this book recently on child abuse and it really got me apparently.)

Here it the final day and I have stuck to it! I couldn’t be more proud haha I have another one planned that I made but its going to be a tough one. Now on to the answer, which I am sure you are dying to know 😛

I started blogging as a way to become more organized. When I write poetry it’s not uncommon for me to leave work unfinished or to never bother transferring a messy hand-written poem onto my computer where it can be properly edited and saved. I have lost a lot of work because I didn’t take the time to save and much of what is in my journals is virtually illegible. Even typing it does not always result in a finished or saved copy I can leave 30 plus windows up without saving and then lose everything in a sudden power outage or computer malfunction. I also find that when I switch to a new computer I almost never transfer my poetry to the new hard drive, it ends up on CDs that are easily lost or scratched beyond use. The wordpress site forces me to save and it also encourages me to edit and finish my poetry. When I first started I assumed no one would read my blog as I hadn’t told anyone about it but the threat that someone might was motivation to finish/edit a piece before submitting lol Not that long after I started posting Jingle left a comment inviting my to participate in a poetry share. I can’t remember but maybe she submitted the poem for me. I was unable to locate anything using the wordpress search and to be honest its absolutely useless as far as I am concerned but the poetry share sites allowed me to view the blogs of other poets which I really enjoyed. Since I still cannot understand how to search on wordpress and often have to use Google to search for information on wordpress its been a shear coincidence that I have located additional groups lol Actually when I came back from a long hiatus and found my old groups disbanded I was completely lost! After joining the groups and participating my little page started to get more traffic. I don’t have a lot of friends and of that small number none of them are interested in poetry particularly. Finding people who are interested in poetry has been amazing! I have met some really fantastic writers and people here. There are times when I post a poem of a very personal nature and I expect almost that people will say “What a freak” but instead people relate. I really have trouble finding people that relate to me in life and here there are so many people with whom I can relate!