You lie in the bottom of an inkwell

Beneath my pen, raped by the

Incoherence of a forgotten exhale


Solidifying like calcium carbonate

In the roof of my mouth. I could never

Say the words to unbind your pain


Every time you cross a room my heart

Follows trapped inside your barbed-wire

Shadow, every step taken, a deeper red


My soul is held together by hypergraphia

And the anamnesis of your mouth swinging

Sideways like a welcoming door. In the days

When there was still hope of consummation

My uncensored dreams never ended badly


Those unspoken words drip through veins

Ironed and painted white, those journals

Where we die nightly, futile in retrospect

But I really did love you, just so you know


(Going through a bit of a rough phase I am trying very hard to tap into my current emotions. Usually I write about experiences years passed, the whole added perspective thing is very useful to me since I tend to get overwhelmed easily. I also have a lot of trouble identifying and sorting the fresh emotions.)


Blog Challenge 16 Bucket List


  1. Visit Bhutan
  2. Go to a yoga retreat, possibly spend some time in a Buddhist nunnery
  3. Visit temples in Japan (I am crazy about temples)/Misogi
  4. Zipline
  5. Hike in the Swiss Alps (I have done this already but I want to explore further)
  6. See the Cirque Du Soleil
  7. Camp for a week (I have only camped for a night haha)
  8. Take a photo everyday for a year
  9. Get a house and decorate it with things Sam and I have made
  10. Teach a yoga or Pilates class (I have for friends but I would like to do so professionally)
  11. Put up strange messages around the city
  12. See a Modern Dance performance inspired by Isadora Duncan/take Modern Dance classes
  13. Swim in Greece, as well as view all the divine architecture
  14. Run a ½ marathon (I am not a runner so this would be gigantic)
  15. Learn to ride a bike/Rollerblade (I have only used the old-fashioned skates)
  16. Learn to ride a kayak
  17. Learn archery (I have practiced with a super cheap novelty bow and I had pretty good aim not that it counts lol)
  18. Learn to play an instrument (I think the cello is beautiful but I have a secret talent with the xylophone according to my middle school music teacher who after hearing me play once and for the first time ever asked me how many years I had been playing and tried to force me into the school band lol)
  19. Perform a Liszt piece on the piano (I can’t actually play the piano so this is extra ambitious)
  20. Learn to iceskate/Try skiing
  21. Learn Aikido
  22. Learn to speak Swedish, Japanese, and Chinese fluently
  23. Publish a book of poetry, haiku and perhaps even a novel!
  24. Do 10 pullups (I can only do 3)
  25. See the Russian ballet
  26. Bake a Black Forrest Cake
  27. Learn to make sushi
  28. Learn to sew so I can make my own clothes
  29. Keep a daily journal (one day I will achieve this haha)
  30. Be married for 100 years! (we got married at 19 so I only need to live to 120 to be sure)
  31. See a PJ Harvey concert
  32. See a David Usher concert
  33. See a whale in the ocean
  34. Skinny dip
  35. Visit the Louvre (I actually went but there was a strike and we never got to go into the museum)
  36. Learn to swim
  37. Learn pottery (I took a class in college but I would like to explore further)
  38. See the Fjords in Norway
  39. Visit Göteborg I am in Sweden now so this shouldn’t be a problem
  40. Draw a portrait that actually looks like the subject!
  41. Visit areas of significance in Arthur Rimbaud’s life
  42. Take more medical and psychology courses they are so much fun
  43. Play Planescape Numena (I have pre-ordered just 2 years haha)
  44. Conquer my fear of heights
  45. See all 7 continents
  46. Build something
  47. Learn to make jewelry
  48. Be cured of Epilepsy, Depression, Social Anxiety
  49. Watch my daughter grow up
  50. Visit a Conservatory


(No particular order and this is by no means all inclusive I realized after I made this list it said what’s on the top of your Bucket List lol)