At Carbon Noise Poetry yikes I am quite nervous because I am trying dig around in a part of myself I haven”t touched for a while so the words aren’t perhaps the way I want them, these things are harder to express and weirdly I think it sounds less real because its more personal/real
If my hands were steady I would wash every stain
From our memories. I know that you have never
Trusted anything that could not be measured,
Honest, inanimate you are so goddamn broken
And I am so goddamn sorry but its going to
Take more than a needle and thread to hold us
Together, this time the best I can do is lick your
Wounds while they’re still raw enough to heal
=
Inside my heart you are a fire consumptive
Did my agony hurt you, in the windows where
You slept under the silver face of a drowning
Moon. Do you dream of wasting, of sinking
Earthbound or do you dream that we are sacred
Blood bearing wine cradled like redemption?
=
My sleeves are unraveled you’ve taken of my
Tainted flesh, of this sinister fruit naively
Bred on the outside. Carrion, the lips that you
Have fed at my expense, carrion the swallows
Defeated by your inner defense, your words were
Never the poetry that I wanted, ugly as the hours
Atrophying in a medicated haze, never thought
Amaranthine would make me miss so much
=
Are we machines falsely operating, are we
A little too close to dying to leave the scale
Unattended, an operatic zenith, you could never
Find your destination in silence, I’ll always
Know where you are, inside my head you
Are sonar draining away every utopian
Thought. My ribs are open, tell me why
You never stepped inside, I was always
Waiting and do you know how alone that
Makes me, I have stood here black flies
Dressing my sickness, in the absence of
Your saline, unspoken tell me did you hesitate
At the beasts within me or was it from the
Weakness spreading underneath your feet
=
All I want to do is deconstruct
All the times I have watched
You sliding sideways, into the
Corners, ill-fed, clinically defeated
On the inside, delicately tasting not
Enough to sustain a breath, not enough
To draw you sickly from a sinking bed
=
Tell me what is there left to save, where
Is the flesh that I have adored? The
Screams that pour unbroken into my
Buckling limbs, I was there when your
Lungs exhaled, I was here a turpentine
Crush stripping your bones from the
Sheets when your fragile body finally
Surrendered, not as brutal as I thought
It would be, in the end melting tenderly
Into a Van Gogh sunset, I’ll never scrub
The red from my eyes, the quiet mania of
A disloyal sky that never fell apart the
Way that I did watching you ascend
=
I am listening to Moist again
6:00 Wake
6:15-6:45 Yoga
7:00 Breakfast
7:10-8:10 Exercise (sometimes I dance so Isadora can exercise with me, I usually end up doing absolutely ridiculous dances because it cracks her up)/Getting Isadora ready for daycare
8:25-9:00 Tram/Reading/Isadora Daycare
9:30-10:30 Gym/Walk
11:00ish Lunch
11:30-1:25 Cleaning/Blogging,/Writing/Study etc.
1:25-2:00Tram/Read/Pick up Isadora (I sometimes walk its the same amount of time)
2:00-2:45 Tram home (I only ride the tram all day long lol)
3:00 Snack (sometimes I take Izzy to a bakery or for ice cream as a treat)
3:30-5:00 Could be anything blogging, writing, park with Izzy, walking or playing, painting, photography, library, now that its warm I imagine swimming (we are signed up for swimming classes) and she loved miniature golf so we will do that again, sometimes we bake, educational books, study English for her, sometimes I study Swedish, card games, Wii games etc.
5:00 Dinner
5:30-7:30 Izzy bath, snuggling with Sam/Izzy, movie with Izzy, family activity, blogging whatever
7:30 Isadora bedtime story
8:30-9:45 Time with Sam (we often watch anime lol)
10:00 Bedtime (yes I really do go to bed that early)
=
I take a shower after the gym I realize its not mentioned! I also have to make the meals magic doesn’t produce them (Sam makes dinner some nights). On the weekends when Sam is home we do different activities now that its warm we will probably go to the country a lot more.
mindlovemisery 