Carbon Noise Poetry

Pink butterfly wallpaper1

At Carbon Noise Poetry yikes I am quite nervous because I am trying dig around in a part of myself I haven”t touched for a while so the words aren’t perhaps the way I want them, these things are harder to express and weirdly I think it sounds less real because its more personal/real


Deconstructing Bone

If my hands were steady I would wash every stain

From our memories. I know that you have never

Trusted anything that could not be measured,

Honest, inanimate you are so goddamn broken

And I am so goddamn sorry but its going to

Take more than a needle and thread to hold us

Together, this time the best I can do is lick your

Wounds while they’re still raw enough to heal


Inside my heart you are a fire consumptive

Did my agony hurt you, in the windows where

You slept under the silver face of a drowning

Moon. Do you dream of wasting, of sinking

Earthbound or do you dream that we are sacred

Blood bearing wine cradled like redemption?


My sleeves are unraveled you’ve taken of my

Tainted flesh, of this sinister fruit naively

Bred on the outside. Carrion, the lips that you

Have fed at my expense, carrion the swallows

Defeated by your inner defense, your words were

Never the poetry that I wanted, ugly as the hours

Atrophying in a medicated haze, never thought

Amaranthine would make me miss so much


Are we machines falsely operating, are we

A little too close to dying to leave the scale

Unattended, an operatic zenith, you could never

Find your destination in silence, I’ll always

Know where you are, inside my head you

Are sonar draining away every utopian

Thought. My ribs are open, tell me why

You never stepped inside, I was always

Waiting and do you know how alone that

Makes me, I have stood here black flies

Dressing my sickness, in the absence of

Your saline, unspoken tell me did you hesitate

At the beasts within me or was it from the

Weakness spreading underneath your feet


All I want to do is deconstruct

All the times I have watched

You sliding sideways, into the

Corners, ill-fed, clinically defeated

On the inside, delicately tasting not

Enough to sustain a breath, not enough

To draw you sickly from a sinking bed


Tell me what is there left to save, where

Is the flesh that I have adored?  The

Screams that pour unbroken into my

Buckling limbs, I was there when your

Lungs exhaled, I was here a turpentine

Crush stripping your bones from the

Sheets when your fragile body finally

Surrendered, not as brutal as I thought

It would be, in the end melting tenderly

Into a Van Gogh sunset, I’ll never scrub

The red from my eyes, the quiet mania of

A disloyal sky that never fell apart the

Way that I did watching you ascend


I am listening to Moist again

Blog Challenge 15 Timeline


6:00 Wake

6:15-6:45 Yoga

7:00 Breakfast

7:10-8:10 Exercise (sometimes I dance so Isadora can exercise with me, I usually end up doing absolutely ridiculous dances because it cracks her up)/Getting Isadora ready for daycare

8:25-9:00 Tram/Reading/Isadora Daycare

9:30-10:30 Gym/Walk

11:00ish Lunch

11:30-1:25 Cleaning/Blogging,/Writing/Study etc.

1:25-2:00Tram/Read/Pick up Isadora (I sometimes walk its the same amount of time)

2:00-2:45 Tram home (I only ride the tram all day long lol)

3:00 Snack (sometimes I take Izzy to a bakery or for ice cream as a treat)

3:30-5:00 Could be anything blogging, writing, park with Izzy, walking or playing, painting, photography, library, now that its warm I imagine swimming (we are signed up for swimming classes) and she loved miniature golf so we will do that again, sometimes we bake, educational books, study English for her, sometimes I study Swedish, card games, Wii games etc.

5:00 Dinner

5:30-7:30 Izzy bath, snuggling with Sam/Izzy, movie with Izzy, family activity, blogging whatever

7:30 Isadora bedtime story

8:30-9:45 Time with Sam (we often watch anime lol)

10:00 Bedtime (yes I really do go to bed that early)


I take a shower after the gym I realize its not mentioned! I also have to make the meals magic doesn’t produce them (Sam makes dinner some nights). On the weekends when Sam is home we do different activities now that its warm we will probably go to the country a lot more.