Infatuation

Old classroom

Your neck is like a mandolin string

Poised with willful concavity. Beneath

Your notice, I suffer, not even the

Company of your disdain, omitted

Perhaps by shear proximity as your

Eyes never settle below the stars

=

In time, my mercurial heart will misplace

These moments, which now seem so imminent,

And this half love that rages through neglect

Will for lack of breath dwindle, as our youth

To will submit, to the implacable metronome

=

One day, when you are carefully sequestered  in

Yearbook superlatives, I will point you out

Casually, without euphemising affection

Or straying bitterness, as someone, who in

Truth I never really knew but with whom

Proximity forced me superficially acquainted

=

(This is fictional but the type of fiction for which I think some of us can relate. At least I have had unrequited crushes and looking back years later I realize that I didn’t really know the person anymore than they did me. I want to update everyone on the health situation the last two days I was in intense physical pain  I found no relief with medication for either my pain or fever. I finally went to the emergency room yesterday and I was there most of the day hence I wasn’t responding. They did a battery of tests I had 4 vials and 4 bottles of blood drawn, a lung x-ray, and they did something truly awful to my nose that I don’t want to speak about haha I have a very hard time giving blood so I can’t donate even and they really really struggled to get the blood so I am positively covered in needle holes they had to give up on the IV even though I needed it. My resting pulse right now is 155 (usually 55), my blood pressure is 148/90 (usually 100/60) I have had a fever for days still do actually. As you know I went to the doctor a few days ago I waited a long time to go and they wrote me off as having a virus whatever is going around but turns out that I have a bacterial infection that is attacking my lungs and joints and its been running rampant in my body for 10 days or so but because I have been sick so much this year I guess I was really weak. Anyways I now have antibiotics! They suggested I stay at the hospital but I just can’t stand the hospital so I am home. I took one of my pills so far I am really nauseous and right now just more miserable than I have ever felt. In a few days I might find out what the infection is. I will try to write and comment but if I do disappear you know its because I am sick)

13 responses to “Infatuation

  1. the one i never really knew…there is a sadness in that…not for the narrator it seems…they seem to be strong even in it…this has a very classical feel to it as well…yet modern points along the way…i am sorry you are so sick as well…ugh…hope the antibiotics help….

    • Thanks so much Brian =) I think its you! I am hoping the antibiotics help as well right now they are making me really nauseous but at least I feel I am on the right path to healing. I want to try to keep writing because I need the distraction and sleep is not easy but it is effecting the quality of my work and well it hurts to do anything at all! Now I just need to force hubbie to get reevaluated because while he was recovering he seems to be taking a turn and I don’t want him to get to where I am now.

  2. The poem was lovely, but I’m much more concerned about YOU! I can relate to wanting to be home in your own bed vs. the hospital. What is it with doctors, you come to them and they say,”It’s going around.” Yeah, thanks for taking my 25 bucks, mister, I could have figured that out myself… and then to have it balloon into something like that.

    You’ll be in my prayers tonight, for sure! Love, Amy

    • Thank you Amy =) I do actually have the virus that is going around but in addition to the bacterial infection I wish they would have actually checked me out properly rather than assume. They barely examined me at all. I feel like I paid for the atmosphere of the waiting room.

  3. Boy can I elate to the needles and the blood and the hospital this week…cat scan…MRI…Sonogram…Nuclear stress test…blood and spinning…spinning like the the song, spinning wheel goes round and round…what goes up must come down..but does what comes down ever go up…I hope
    anyway…what causes my problem… they don’t know…I’ve scheduled an appointment with a witch doctor…

    This poem was awesome…we all have memories of someone or a lot of someones that for one reason or another infatuated us…but as Wolfe wrote…”You can’t go home again”

    • That sounds horrendous. I hope they figure out the cause of your vertigo and are able to give you relief. I hope soon so you don’t have to endure their torture.

      I never forget my crushes either luckily with a few years some of my crazy goes away lol

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