On Zombies with Bullies


“Well come on with ye then…” I said voice excised as if from scarified flesh, taunt with disconcerting shades of insistence. Hands impatiently placed on hips, I stood by the metal sarcophagi squinting at the corpse as it crept forward, the stone dusty, sibilant beneath shuffling feet. The decomposition on this specimen was minimal, only a short time deceased but as all the others his flesh was a chilling cyanic blue. No life passed in those caliginous irises, no inquisition, no acknowledgment of the pensile right arm now threadbare and toiling behind him.


Jamming a needle into the leathery hide I went to work, reattaching the wrecked limb. “Pfft…no respect for the dead…” I mumbled shaking my head. Every Zombie employed in the cities’ service came back vandalized aside from the nearly severed limb the body was littered with offensive graffiti. A few notices were even pinned to the torso some of which were want ads of dubious entreaty.  Working with Zombies in such proximity I understood their challenges. They could only carry out basic commands, suffered severe speech impediments, an ataxic gate, attentional deficits, and most concerning was that their condition was degenerative. Looking at a freshly prepped vessel gave one the sense of uncanny valley, they were human (or had been) but there was something terribly off. Their use was questionable morally but many insisted that they were soulless husks devoid of perception or sentiment at least when measured against statistical standards.  This degraded corpse had been the standard by which value was measured and now he existed so far outside the spectrum that he was treated as refuse.


“Next time some berk comes up to ye all suspicious like…let out a groan aye…a real deep one…and then point yer finger at him as if to say yer next…” I instructed extending a bony digit in my tumescent companion’s direction. “All ego…tiny stem…ye give ‘im a right scare won’t harass ye anymore…” I said looking to make sure the Zombie was following the conversation, he wasn’t. Muculent eyes were bobbing like apples in a barrel but still I went on. “Now go on give it a try…” I said cutting the thread and slathering the decimated flesh with a fresh layer of embalming fluid. “Mmmnnnguuhhh….” The Zombie’s carious windpipe gurgled, as if he were speaking face down in a bowl of soup. “Not bad…not bad….” I said tapping a jagged finger nail to my chin, hardly flinching as his fetid breath washed over my olfactory cells.


“Try something else…a little more passion this time ye wants to put the fear in ‘im….forget the finger….try saying something….real creepy like…” I said and the Zombie’s outwardly crossed-eyes suddenly drew inward, almost as if he were trying to find his nose. Tottering on his feet, he puffed up his chest and howled “BRAAAAIIIIINNNNSSS!” “Aye that’s good! Nearly wet meh knickers I did!” I said laughing dryly and nodding with vigorous approval. The cadaver’s poorly hinged jaw fell open wider as if to effect a smile. Whether or not bullies were of any concern to him personally was beyond my expertise but in that moment, almost canine, he seemed pleased with himself.


I confess I have a geeky side I love the old RPG Planescape Torment and this is sort of inspired from that hence the zombies and the strange language. Found out I am going to be sick for 6 to 8 weeks!

This is for

Carry on Tuesday

12 responses to “On Zombies with Bullies

  1. sick for 6-8 weeks…ack…so is it pneumonia?
    really cool story…fun…and rather funny…particularly like the last little bit…
    used to play RPGs myself.

    • They did not tell me what it was just that its a virus that is going around that lasts a really long time =( Probably some type of flu, maybe a viral pneumonia my lungs are inflamed though. I had to go through walk-in and it was hectic as hell they just gave me some cough medicine that feels like acid. Which RPGs? I am not a big gamer at all but I just fell in love with Planescape Torment. On kickstarter I saw they are doing a new game and I have been a bit pumped up since then.

  2. Fun story. And the first zombie fiction I’ve ever read!

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re sick. I hope you recover quickly!

  3. suffered severe speech impediments- very funny! As if Zombies don’t have enough to worry about, now they have to deal with bullies too?! Hope you feel better!!

  4. I wasn’t sure until i got to “their condition was degenerative” and then I knew and smiled.. this was fun to read and your descriptions are “grotesquely funny”.
    Sorry to hear about a long illness. I spent the weekend in the hospital with Vertigo. Of course they had to give me every test in the system to determine I have it and it may or may not go away. Living with the world spinning in circles is interesting but not fun.

    • That doesn’t sound fun at all sometimes because of my bp dropping really low during the night I get vertigo and I never enjoy it even though in my case it doesn’t last. Poor dear! Thank you it was a fun write =)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s